HOW TO OVERCOME PARENTING CHALLENGES OF COVID-19 AND LOCKDOWN

Parents face many challenges. And as we all find out, there are many, many challenges that we never expected or knew about before having children! Rapidly changing lifestyle, newer requirements and higher demands put forward multiple challenges to parents. Balancing work and parenting duties make us feel parenting is a stressful and challenging task during best of times.

Throw a global pandemic into the mix, and it's next-level. Schools are closed so the children are home. Offices are closed so the parents are home. Finally, we have got the time we always wanted to spend with our children, but the usual routines and schedules have gone haywire. Kids are acting up because they're bored, scared, or frustrated. Parents are stressed out because they’are preoccupied with impending financial problems. When our parenting skills are put to the test due to all these issues, cracks certainly begin to appear.

First and foremost, you should get knowledgeable about the novel coronavirus and COVID-19. The virus spreads through direct contact with respiratory droplets from an infected person and by touching surfaces that are contaminated. Symptoms include fever, cough and shortness of breath. As a precaution, you should wash your hands frequently for at least 20 seconds using soap and water or an alcohol-based hand rub.

?KNOW YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES

American Society for Positive Care for Children has identified three major goals of parenting as ensuring children’s health and safety, preparing children for productive lives and transmitting cultural values. During this crisis situation, these goals boil down to three major responsibilities – protection, mental well-being and education.

Protection against the virus

One of the ways that coronavirus spreads is through the household. Now, it's obviously impossible to be entirely distant from your family, despite the hopeful dreams of many millennial, but there are things you can do to help prevent the virus from spreading among your family members.

The only way to protect your children from infection is to make the house an infection free zone. In that senses, all parents have three responsibilities. First is not to catch the virus, second is not to bring it into the house and the third is not to spread it around.

When you go out

Do not go out of the house unless you really have to. The past 6 weeks has taught us that there are only a few essential trips out of the house. If you must go out, adhere to the three golden rules – maintain physical distancing, wash hands frequently and thoroughly with soap and avoid touching eyes, nose and mouth. Wearing a mask and gloves should be considered as necessary.

When you come back

When entering the house take all precautions not to bring the virus in. When you come in, refrain from touching anything until you have taken the following precautions. Remove your shoes outside and remove your clothes and place them in a bag to be washed. Leave your bag, purse, wallet, keys etc. in a box at the entry. Clean with bleach all the surfaces of whatever bags you brought from outside before storing them. Wipe your mobile phone and glasses with hand-wash before using it. If you were wearing gloves, carefully remove and dispose them and wash your hands. Finally, have a shower, if not wash all exposed parts.

Keep the house infection-free

Remember it is not possible to carry out complete disinfection, the goal is to minimize the risk. Therefore, if you are someone who goes out frequently, make sure you implement general disinfection practices in the house. Wipe down shared surfaces more often, adhere to proper hand washing and minimize direct contact such as hugging and kissing. If you have returned from an affected area, confine yourself to a room and avoid contact with other family members for 14 days.

Advice for the children

One of the best ways to keep children safe from coronavirus is to simply encourage regular hand washing. You can also show children how to cover a cough or a sneeze with their elbow, explain that it’s best not to get too close to people who have those symptoms, and ask them to tell you if they start to feel like they have a fever, cough or are having difficulty breathing.

Some more tips for protecting your child against the coronavirus can be found here.

Mental well-being

In times of difficulty it is normal for children and other family members to have strong reactions such as feeling sad, irritability or confusion, having sleeping disorders, physical reactions and fear of the unknown. Prolonged distress may result in mental health conditions and long-term repercussions on their functioning and coping capacity.

Everyone reacts differently to this crisis. Some parents may immediately develop a new home routine, some may struggle balancing work and home duties. Some children may experience intense sadness or anger, others may be withdrawn or act as if nothing has occurred. Therefore, it is essential that you, as a responsible parent, observe the reactions in yourself, your partner and your children, before deciding on what to do.

Information

Children have a right to truthful information about what’s going on in the world, but adults also have a responsibility to keep them safe from distress. Use age-appropriate language, watch their reactions, and be sensitive to their level of anxiety.

When we’re seeing lots of troubling images on TV or online, it can sometimes feel like the crisis is all around us. Children may not distinguish between images on screen and their own personal reality, and they may believe they’re in imminent danger. If you are experiencing an outbreak in your area, remind your children that they are not likely to catch the disease, that most people who do have coronavirus don’t get very sick, and that lots of adults are working hard to keep your family safe.

Coping with stress

Children may respond to stress in different ways such as being more clingy, anxious, withdrawing, angry or agitated, bed wetting etc. Respond to your child’s reactions in a supportive way, listen to their concerns and give them extra love and attention.

Children need adults’ love and attention during difficult times. Give them extra time and attention. Remember to listen to your children, speak kindly and reassure them.

Keep the children close to you, both physically and psychologically. If separation occurs (e.g. essential services or hospitalization) ensure regular contact, ideally through video calls, and re-assurance.

You can help your children cope with the stress by making opportunities for them to play and relax, when possible. Keep regular routines and schedules as much as possible, especially before they go to sleep, or help create new ones in a new environment.

School and education

School closures has given a whole new meaning to education. After a period of silence, most of the schools are coming up with online solutions to keep the education happening. As parents, we have a huge responsibility to keep children’s education on track while they’re staying home.

Establish routines

Try to establish a routine that factors in age-appropriate education programs that can be followed online, on the television or through the radio. Also, factor in play time and time for reading. Use everyday activities as learning opportunities for your children. And don’t forget to come up with these plans together where possible.

Although establishing a routine and structure is critically important for children and young people, in these times you may notice your children need some level of flexibility. If your child is seeming restless and agitated when you’re trying to follow an online learning program with them, flip to a more active option. Try and stay as attuned to their needs as possible. Start with shorter learning sessions and make them progressively longer. If the goal is to have a 30- or 45-minute session, start with 10 minutes and build up from there. Within a session, combine online or screen time with offline activities or exercises.

Stay informed

Find out how to stay in touch with your children’s teacher or school to stay informed, ask questions and get more guidance. Parent groups can also be a good way to support each other with your home schooling.

Keep them motivated

We’ve got to be quite careful to keep them inspired and interested – and prepare them for returning to school. This is not the new norm! This will get back to the usual ways, may be with slight changes, but it will. Talk about school in a positive tone so that children will miss school and will look forward to return to school.

It is not the end of the world!

Parents are trying to supervise their children and work from home at the same time, a combination made yet more difficult when they're being asked to ensure that the kids spend enough time and effort on their online classes. Some frustrated parents are admitting defeat saying that they no longer have the time or patience to participate in a virtual classroom.

These are stressful times, but parents and teachers shouldn't be overly worried about students falling behind. Mental health and happiness should come first. Indeed, there's a strong argument to be made for letting many kids simply enjoy this extended break. There will probably be some falling behind, but children are likely to catch up. Most students forget much of what they learn in school, anyway. More importantly, what they will miss is the companionship and the extra-curricular activities. It is advisable to focus on these areas rather than dwelling too much on the history lessons your child has missed.

We’ve really got to be kind to each other. Be kind to your children and just make sure they do a little bit, often, so that they are still engaged in the daily routine of education. And be kind to yourself as well. Even if your child does not complete a worksheet, and you’ve had a really bad day with them, that’s OK. It’s not the end of the world!

In a situation like this it is normal to feel sad, worried, confused, scared or angry. Learn here how students in the affected countries keep learning and stay positive in times of uncertainty.

If we can see lockdown as an opportunity to learn some vital parenting lessons, we might just emerge from our homes a little braver, a little stronger, and a little kinder to ourselves.

MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EXPERIENCE

There is a saying ‘Every dark cloud has a silver lining’, and this dark cloud has many silver linings. We are forced to change our normal ways of parenting. There are new habits coming in, whether it be how we connect with our children, how we play with them and how we educate them. It could be re-kindling old habits or learning new ones, but whatever you are doing these days will definitely outlast the crisis. This could be the beginning of the rest of your life, an upgraded version of it. Nothing should hold you back from making this a memorable experience in parenting. 

Being parents of three sons aged 19, 14 and 9, my wife and I have learned a lot during the last 6 weeks, accepted some of them and implemented a few. Let me share with you what we learned, so that you also can implement a few. Let's make some changes in how we think and how we behave that will benefit our children.

Here you can find ideas about creating family well-being by making the most of family time, using routines, staying connected and managing conflict.

1. Connect with them

First and foremost, connect with the children at a deeper level. However, spending time and bonding with children is a challenge most parents are grappling with. It is much easier to have the children engrossed in computers, tablets and phones, but this denies them time for critical family bonding. While most parents would take the lockdown to choke their children with digital devices, this is actually a good time to bond and forge a good relationship with your kids. With everyone at home, for an unknown period, use the extra time to improve the existing relationships and mend the broken ones, if that is the case, especially with older children.

Family time

Every household with children can now guarantee there’s going to be family time. Your family might have to do some things differently during the lockdown, but there are still many things you can do together. Following sections will give you enough ideas for some quality family time.

There should be no excuses these days for not having meals together. Use the mealtimes for some lively chat. Rather than the usual chat around the dinner table, you can even enrich the conversation by introducing a Quiz time. 'What are three things you like about being a member of this family?' could be a good icebreaker.

Every now and then you get unplanned gatherings of all family members. Maybe before bedtime, strolling in the garden or just sitting in the living room, add value to that moment by bringing in togetherness and bonding. Let down your guard, relax and have some fun.

One-on-one time

One-on-one time is an important aspect of connecting with your children. It makes children feel loved and secure and shows them that they are important. It can be as short as 15 minutes, but the important thing is that it is dedicated time for the two of you. Even better if you can make it a daily routine at the same time each day so that children can look forward to it. Allow the child to choose the time and duration because choosing itself builds their confidence.

What you can do will differ depending on whether your child is a toddler, young child or a teenager, but you should listen to them, look at them and give them your full attention. The best ways to connect with your children are mostly out of the digital space and entails the old-school, face-to-face, in-person activities. The trick here is to find some common ground. Think of the things you used to enjoy doing together, so that the time spend will bring joy and happiness to all of you. For me its Toastmasters with the eldest, cricket with the second and handcraft with the youngest.

Here are some ideas for one-on-one time with children of different age groups. 

Connecting outside

It’s really important for the children to connect with their friends as well. Parents can set up Zoom talks with their children’s friends. Not every day but regularly, there should be some way they’re connected with somebody else that’s not you but known to you, under supervised conditions of course.

2. Laugh with them

Most people are pretty hard pressed to find something to feel cheerful about right now, but it seems that we now more than ever need to find time to laugh. Humour and laughter are just what we need as the world tackles the situation as it plays key roles in overcoming the fear that people are feeling over the pandemic. One cannot be scared and amused at the same time. It will also make things easier to bear. In our shared uncertainty, humour helps reduce negative emotions and replace them with more positive ones.

Laughter on television

Over the years, television has brought us some of our happiest moments. It's time to go back to those golden days. Many television stations and cable operators are running some old classics such as Charlie Chaplin and Mr. Bean. On YouTube you can find most of the episodes of classics like Mind your language. There are some good current television series as well like Friends and Big bang theory, but some of the content might not be appropriate for Sri Lankan culture.

Laughter on social media

Those joke video clips and funny cartoons and memes doing the rounds on social media actually could be having a seriously good impact. Even if you have not actively laughed about it over the past few days, you would certainly have received many corona cartoons from friends and relations. Share them with your family, have a good laugh together. You might not be the one behind the making of those humorous posts, but simply sharing the humorous clips on social media with others is just as effective a tool in brightening up your day.

Sing-along

Then there is singing! Children love singing and you can readily tap into that by having a song-along session. You can go up a notch and plan a karaoke night. Depending on the size of your family, you can make even it a little competitive by letting them grade each other’s performance.

Memories to cherish

Old photo albums are another golden opportunity to spend some quality time with your family and share a laughter. You can even make it a game by asking your children to identify who are the people in the photos and guessing when and where the photos were taken.

3. Play with them

Playing is an integral part of the proper development of children and the lockdown provides us the perfect opportunity for some. Since they cannot go out as much as they should, you need to find ways of compensating for that. A shortcut would be to get then immersed in digital games, however, there is much more they can gain by taking part in physical games with the family members. 

One thing to remember in play is to set aside a specific time for it. It could be outdoor games in the afternoon, Game night after dinner or some other arrangement, but the important thing is to have a scheduled time. For our family, 5 o'clock is time for some outdoor fun and 7 is game time. 

Table-top games

In lockdown, Netflix and video games will only get you so far before boredom kicks in – and a table-top game is one of the most entertaining ways to mix things up. If you’re stuck in quarantine with a bunch of family members, ease the tension (or perhaps create some more) with a good old-fashioned tabletop game. Spend time with your family playing a board game such as Monopoly, Scrabble and Pictionary or card games such as Playing cards or Uno. Monopoly and Uno are the favourites for our family.

Knowledge-based games

How about you group them and set up for debates? Children enjoy ‘battling’ over ideas and this way they can really keep their brains busy, with the right things. Another option is to have spelling contests with age appropriate words.

Activity-based games

Then there are exciting, activity-based games such as carrom and Jenga These games will be helpful in developing dexterity and fine-motor movements in young children. Chess is another option which will improve strategic thinking. 

You can find here some more indoor play ideas to stimulate your children at home.

Outdoor games

Why only be confined to indoors? Why not go out and play some badminton, cricket or simply play catch. Some outdoor physical activity will give you that much needed dose of exercise while adding a lot of fun and laughter, as long as you keep it simple and non-competitive.

4. Learn with them

With their normal routines gone, many of the children will be finding it hard to suddenly have mum and dad as teachers. I have discussed about school education above and here my focus is on learning in the broader meaning. It would include anything that would add knowledge and skills to a child. Not all lessons need to be academic – they can be life lessons we want our children to learn as well.

It’s quite tough teaching your own kids because they won’t listen to you, and you have no tolerance or patience. Many parents will be simply trying to control the urge not to scream at them. If that sounds like you, take some comfort in the knowledge that even teachers will say their hardest students are their own children and even the world’s best teachers admit that their own kids aren’t keen on being taught by them.

Reading

Reading is beneficial for people in all age groups, but it’s essential for children. It develops and strengthens vocabulary, social and emotional intelligence, curiosity, memory, concentration and brain function. Reading is one of the best ways to learn by acquiring knowledge. But it is not only the knowledge that is being developed through reading with your child. It makes you bond with the child, and this gives your child a sense of intimacy and well-being. So it’s time to gig into those stacks of books and start reading with your child.

Drawing

Drawing has lots of great benefits for children. It will allow them to express their creative ideas. It can help develop fine motor skills, as well as being a useful mindfulness tool. What’s more, you’ll have lots of lovely pictures to hang on a display board or the fridge. Not every household will have got access to paints, so you can think of collage and other drawing activities.

Playing a musical instrument

Just like drawing, learning to play a musical instrument will help your kids to develop fine motor skills and mindfulness. Not only that, it’s a great way for them to express themselves, reduce stress and can build their confidence.

Here are some new skills children can learn during lockdown.

Physical activity

If you are doing meditation, yoga or an exercise routine, you can involve your children which, of course, will make it more fun. You just might be able to inculcate a habit they might carry on for the rest of their lives.

Being creative

Creativity is all about questioning. Parents can encourage creativity in their children by asking questions. How can I? Why should it? What would happen if? How can I make this, or how can I change this? It’s about making sure that children are always being asked those questions. Allow your child to demolish an old remote controller, dig up some soil in the garden or cut through some newspaper. It’s about how we can get them to remain creative in their own environments.

Learning for life

The one really positive thing that will come out of this is, I’m hoping our children can be more independent in choosing when and what to learn. If we create children that love learning, they will automatically be researching and trying to find new things to occupy their time with and to be inspired by.

5. Do stuff with them

Since your children can now have your undivided attention, you can take the moment to do stuff together. A good place to start would be the planning and carrying out house chores. You can take the moment to teach them a few things, things they would value for the rest of their lives. By involving the kids, right from the planning, they will be able to learn the importance of being organized. Also, they learn the importance of unity and working together. So, take an hour out from your busy day and show them how to do it.

This article on Lockdown, chores and children gives a detailed account of the benefits of involving kids in household chores and, as parents, how you can help your child derive these benefits.

Cooking

One of the best options, for boys and girls alike, is cooking. Children are generally curious, and they take up any chance to learn something new. You can find some simple and easy recipes that you can prepare together. While going about the normal duties of the house, take advantage of these moments to give them simple cooking lessons. 

Here are some recipes for cooking with kids during lockdown, provided you can find the ingredients!

Other chores

It is not only cooking that you can involve kids around the house. Folding and ironing clothes, sweeping and mopping, doing the dishes, washing the car and gardening are some other activities you can think of.

Revamping spaces

You can also think of being creative with spaces. Think about the spaces in your house. What can you change? What space is not utilized? What can you get rid of to make more space for a work area or for equipment? Let the kids come up with ideas and then implement them together.

Project management

Why don’t we get a little more creative? We all have small projects to be done around the house. From painting a wall, to cleaning the rooftop or fixing a leaking tap, we are likely to get going with those long-neglected home-improvement projects. Why not involve the whole family, especially the younger children, and do it as an actual project with a project team, project manager, project plan and a budget? Kids will love the experience, in addition to acquiring some valuable knowledge and skills. 

It's Vesak

We have another opportunity to spend some quality time with the family and do something together. Vesak is almost up and since there are fewer shops to buy lanterns, we have the chance to make some with the kids and light up the garden. We can't go out, so we have an opportunity to spend some quality time with the family.

6. Go digital with them

The best thing is that there are many free stuff on the Internet you can do together these days. There is free video streaming, ebooks and magazines, games, music and educational resources you can make use of.

The Internet is the perfect tool for all the activities mentioned above – laughing, playing, learning and doing stuff together. You can try out a multiplayer video game, play a game of Monopoly online, learn your school subjects through Google Classroom, learn new skills like martial arts through online lessons or cook a new recipe from a cooking website. The options are endless!

Whether you are looking to improve knowledge and skills, explore art and culture or simply have fun, there are Apps that you can use to spend some quality time with your children in the cyberspace. For knowledge and skills you can join a virtual speaking club like Toastmasters or a virtual book club like Pick-a-book. For art and culture, the options include virtual music concerts and Google art and culture project. If what you are looking for is simply fun, you can go for online games and social media challenges.

Digital platforms provide an opportunity for children to keep learning, play and keep in touch with their friends. But increased access online brings heightened risks for children’s safety, protection and privacy.

You need to take extra precautions to keep your child safe online while stuck at home during the lockdown. Establish rules together about how, when and where the internet can be used. Set up parental controls on their devices to mitigate online risks, particularly for younger children. Identify appropriate online tools for recreation together. Don’t forget that there’s no need for children or young people to share pictures of themselves or other personal information to access digital learning.

It is vital that we support ourselves as individuals first, because maintaining our mental and physical health is the foundation from which we support our children during these trying times.

LOOK AFTER YOURSELF

Being a parent is a daily challenge and faced with the realities of COVID 19, social distancing and self-quarantine, it may be a struggle. For parents, the best way to help their children is to firstly take care of themselves. Self-care during these times is not selfish because it enables the caregivers to be there for their children as a stable, calm and soothing parent. This way, parents will also be able to better understand their children and help them feel reassured, relaxed and focused.

If you’re feeling anxious or upset, take time for yourself and reach out to other family, friends and trusted people in your community. Make some time to do things that help you relax and recuperate. You may find useful tips in my other articles – Staying connected during lockdown, Staying physically active during lockdown and Staying mentally active during lockdown.

Here is a A guide to parent self-care during the COVID-19 pandemic.

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