Parenthood: A Modern Dilemma Versus Islamic Teachings

Introduction

In recent times, there has been a growing belief that parenthood should be a choice made only when one is fully prepared — emotionally, mentally, and financially. Advocates of this viewpoint argue that children deserve unconditional love, support, and care, and if a person is not ready to provide that, they should refrain from having children. While this perspective may seem logical, it contrasts significantly with the principles outlined in Islamic teachings. Islam views marriage and parenthood as essential acts of worship, emphasizing reliance on Allah’s provision and the spiritual growth that comes with fulfilling familial responsibilities. This article delves into the contrasting views on parenthood, exploring modern reasoning and Islamic teachings to offer a holistic perspective.

1. The Modern View on Parenthood

The "Readiness" Mindset

In modern society, there is a growing belief that people should not have children until they are financially stable, emotionally mature, and mentally prepared. This perspective prioritizes self-development, personal healing, and financial security before taking on the responsibilities of parenthood. It is often driven by social media narratives and the visibility of extreme cases of parental abuse, neglect, and exploitation.

Key points of this view include:

- Self-development First: Advocates argue that individuals should focus on building their careers, mental health, and financial stability before having children.

- Protection from Harm: People are encouraged to wait until they can guarantee that their child will be raised in a safe, loving, and stable environment.

- Focus on Child’s Well-being: The child’s mental health, emotional well-being, and physical safety are prioritized, and it’s believed that unprepared parents are more likely to fail in these aspects.

These points are often shared in social media posts, calling on people to "normalize not having children until you’re ready." While this view appears reasonable, it assumes that humans can reach a state of "complete readiness" — a notion that Islamic teachings challenge.

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2. The Islamic Perspective on Parenthood

a) Marriage as Half of Faith

Islam emphasizes the importance of marriage as a means of fulfilling half of one's faith. Marriage is seen as a partnership that brings barakah (blessings) into a person’s life. By extension, parenthood is viewed as a continuation of that partnership, bringing with it new responsibilities that lead to spiritual growth and closeness to Allah.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

> "When a servant of Allah marries, they have completed half of their religion, so let them fear Allah regarding the remaining half." (Hadith, Al-Bayhaqi)

This hadith emphasizes that marriage itself is an essential part of self-development. By marrying, a person matures through shared responsibility, patience, and the need to provide for and protect one’s spouse and children.

b) Children as a Blessing and a Trust (Amanah)

Islam views children as a blessing (rahmah / rahmat) from Allah and a trust (amanah) that parents are obligated to care for. The Quran states:

> “Wealth and children are [but] adornment of the worldly life.” (Surah Al-Kahf, 18:46)

Unlike the modern view, which may see children as potential "burdens" or "obligations," Islam highlights their value as a source of joy, wealth, and blessing. By raising righteous children, parents earn continuous rewards (sadaqah jariyah) even after death. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

> "When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for him." (Hadith, Sahih Muslim)

This Hadith underscores the spiritual value of raising pious children, which can benefit parents even in the Hereafter.

c) Trust in Allah's Provision (Rizq)

One of the main reasons people hesitate to have children today is the fear of financial instability. However, Islam explicitly addresses this concern. The Quran reassures believers that Allah is the provider for all living beings, including children:

> "Do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Surely killing them is a heinous sin." (Surah Al-Isra, 17:31)

This verse highlights the principle of tawakkul / tawakkal (reliance on Allah). Parents are encouraged to trust that Allah will provide sustenance for their children. This does not mean that parents should be reckless, but it does emphasize that "perfect financial readiness" is not a prerequisite for having children.

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3. Key Differences Between the Two Perspectives

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4. The Role of Parents in Islam

a) Responsibility Toward Children

In Islam, parents have a responsibility to raise children according to Islamic values. This includes ensuring their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

> "Each one of you is a shepherd, and each one of you will be asked about his flock... a man is a shepherd over his family, and he will be asked about his flock." (Hadith, Sahih Bukhari and Muslim)

This Hadith emphasizes that parents will be held accountable for how they raise their children. Their role is not to exploit, neglect, or abuse them but to nurture them in a manner that instills love for Islam, responsibility, and good character.

b) Emotional Support and Love

Parents must offer unconditional love, patience, and guidance to their children. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) himself showed great love and affection to children. Anas bin Malik narrated that he never saw anyone more compassionate towards children than the Prophet (peace be upon him).

c) Protection from Harm

Parents are also responsible for protecting their children from harm, including physical, emotional, and spiritual harm. Islam forbids locking children away or exploiting them, as this violates the concept of amanah (trust).

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5. Conclusion: Balancing Both Perspectives

While the modern perspective on parenthood emphasizes personal readiness, financial stability, and mental well-being, Islam offers a more comprehensive approach. Marriage and parenthood are acts of worship that help believers grow closer to Allah. Children are seen as a blessing, not a burden, and parents are encouraged to trust in Allah’s provision.

The belief that a person must be "fully ready" before having children is flawed. Readiness is a journey, not a destination. Islam teaches that readiness comes with taking responsibility, not waiting for perfect conditions. By relying on Allah and striving to raise children with love, compassion, and Islamic values, parents are rewarded both in this life and the Hereafter.

In summary, while it’s wise to prepare emotionally and financially for parenthood, it’s equally important to remember that complete readiness may never be achieved. Islam’s perspective invites believers to see children as blessings, parents as caretakers, and Allah as the ultimate provider. Through marriage and family, one’s character and spirituality are refined, offering the chance to complete half of one's faith. As Muslims, we are called to balance worldly considerations with trust in Allah, embracing both preparation and reliance on Him.