Parental Fortitude in Times of Crisis

Parental Fortitude in Times of Crisis

We have just wrapped up Children’s Mental Health Week at @EducatingMatters.? As I’m sure you can imagine, it is a busy time for us.? This year’s theme of Let’s Connect helped to address the residual isolation anxiety felt by many children as a result of Covid protocols and lockdowns.

This week always brings a lot of awareness to parents.? Some want to check in to see if they are making the right decisions for their children.? Some want to find a path to diagnosis or support.? Others realise for the first time that their child’s mental health is suffering.? What all of these parents share is the need to support their children in the right way.

The parental struggle felt by so many during these times is challenging to focus on.? The child is and should be the centre of attention.? However, the ripple effect of a child’s crisis is a parent’s struggle to stay strong and keep a brave face in front of a child whilst feeling under-resourced and broken inside.

Here are a few tips on fortifying yourself during your child's crisis.

Relearn how to breathe

This is not a pandering comment.? Learn when it benefits you to take a breath.? A crisis requires so much reacting.? We can easily move into a state of hypervigilance where we lose sight of having a choice to stop and think.? This moves us into a state of anxiety.? We become highly emotional.? We lose the balance between our head, our heart and our gut.? Words chosen and decisions made from an unbalanced place rarely yield the best results.? Taking time to breathe and focus on that breath forces us to refocus and gives our brain precious time to process.

Here is an exercise that can help. Before any decision is made or any action is taken, open your arms wide with your palms facing up.? Take 4 deep breaths.? This takes less than 1 minute.

Be aware of your tribe

It is good to have a tribe of people to support you in your life.? You find people who meet different needs in your life and you meet different needs in theirs.? It is very important to manage the levels of disclosure with your tribe.? When you share about your child’s crisis, you are sharing something deeply personal.? The last thing you want is for your child’s mental health crisis to become the subject of gossip. ? Even worse, you do not want to remove yourself as a confidant in your child’s life.? Make sure that the people you speak to can hold your family’s secrets.??

You also want to manage the “help” that is given.? Is someone telling you what to do and upset if you don’t follow their advice?? Is someone changing the narrative to be all about them?? Do you leave conversations feeling drained or filled?? This is a time when you get to be selfish.? You do not need to remove people from your life.? You simply manage the level of information shared.

Seek advice from the right people

You’ve got to love the age of information.? With a few clicks, you can get advice on how to do everything from building a house to managing your life.? Unfortunately, the term “expert” is not a protected term.? Neither is “coach”.? Unqualified people are offering and charging for advice based on life experience and opinion alone.? This can come from a good place. When a person finds something that works for them, they often want to share their experience so others may benefit.? Proceed with a grain of salt when it comes to blogs, vlogs and social media accounts.

It can be helpful to see that someone shares a similar experience.? However, professional advice needs to come from professionals.? Be willing to ask about training and credentials.? Parental perspectives are helpful for signposting and normalizing.? Just make sure that any action you take is backed up by a professional.

Give yourself space to feel

You are giving so much focus to your child.? This does not mean that you have no right to your feelings and your process.? You can be frustrated with your child’s illness.? That does not make you a bad parent.? As long as you don’t share this process with your child, you are ok.? Find a therapist or regulated support group where you can be the focus for help and support.? If you have a partner, Be mindful of maintaining a healthy relationship.? Be willing to invest time and resources in keeping yourself strong so you can be that source of strength for your child. They deserve a healthy parent.? You deserve a place to be human.

Please know that I know this is easier said than done.? Finding an hour per week to devote to yourself can feel like just another job that needs to be put off until things are settled.? However, I promise that once it becomes an expectation for your family, you will all benefit from it.

At @EducatingMatters, we believe that parents are a child’s first and most important teachers.? They are watching and learning from what you do.? Teach them to prioritise mental health by taking care of yours.

For information on a corporate seminar on Parental Fortitude, click here.

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