Is Parental Allowance a Mandatory For Working Adults?

As we enter adulthood, tied with financial responsibilities, we can’t deny the fact that most of us are bound to expectations deeply rooted in cultural beliefs and one such example is the obligation to provide a monthly allowance to our parents.

This may have been a feasible arrangement for previous generations, but is this practice still relevant today? Especially considering the rising cost of living and the challenges of financial independence?

In a commentary on CNA (2023), Dawn Cher, also known as SG Budget Babe, shared her experience of being obliged to give 15% of her take-home pay to her parents, despite having her own financial responsibilities and student loan to pay off. A situation that might resonate with many of us.

In these times, where the cost of living is skyrocketing and is outpacing our income, self-sustainability becomes a daunting task for us, young professionals, let alone the added pressure of supporting our parents. This might seem even more of a burden when our parents are financially stable? and our support starts straining our own financial wellbeing, often leading to resentment.

As the adage goes, easier said than done. The decision to provide a monthly allowance to our parents is rarely easy, it’s often a personal one, shaped by various factors such as our individual circumstances and ingrained family values.?

Owing to the deep-seated cultural emphasis of filial piety in Asian societies, many of us grapple with the fear of being perceived as ungrateful if we fail to "reciprocate" the hard work and sacrifices made by our parents in raising us.?

This issue is not just a personal dilemma, but is intertwined with the socio-economic beliefs of our society.?

This leads to these questions:

How do we strike a balance between respecting cultural norms and practical economic realities? More importantly, how do we ensure that this does not become an undue burden on the younger generation, whilst also ensuring our parents receive the support they need??

Our parents have been our pillars of support, providing us with countless resources to help us grow. But I believe it's high time to start a conversation at home to address this issue. To set boundaries and manage expectations without guilt or resentment. After all, the goal isn't to burden the younger generation but to ensure that our parents receive the support they need while we secure our financial future.

Is it Filial Piety or an Act of Love?

Is giving monthly allowance to parents a filial piety or an act of love? Should it be a mandatory expectation or a voluntary practice?

These questions may sound simple, but are layered with complexities. To tell you, there is a fine line between filial piety and love. Filial piety, often related to traditional norms and expectations, implies that giving a monthly allowance is a ritual to be followed. Love, on the other hand, does not bind us with any such obligations; rather, it allows us to choose to provide support willingly, out of affection and gratitude.

Does a parent wish for an unwilling hand to give with its money, or would they rather their child give out of pure love, appreciation, and gratitude?

In another article from Singsaver I recently came across,? Ana Ow, a fellow parent, shared her perspective on children giving monthly allowance to their parents. She said:

“I do not think that my children should be obligated to give a monthly token of money to my husband and I once they start working.”

She believes that giving $100 or $500 isn’t the only way to show care and love toward parents. Instead, imparting good financial management skills to her children holds more value than expecting a monthly sum from them.

Speaking from my personal experience, I couldn’t agree more. I am sure that if my parents genuinely need my financial help, I wouldn't think twice before extending my support. However, enforcing a financial contribution when it isn't necessary might breed resentment rather than love.

Life throws different challenges at us at different phases. Raising young children, grappling with preschool fees, and trying to maintain a balance between personal and professional life are daunting tasks. During such times, if we still bear the burden of providing our parents with a monthly allowance out of force, it might feel less like an act of love and more like a punishment.?

Living with the Demands

In the past, larger families shared the burden of supporting aging parents, but today, many are facing this responsibility alone, without the luxury of siblings to share the load.

Unfortunately, some parents continue to uphold these expectations, ignoring how times have changed. An even more alarming concern is the demand for a fixed allowance from each child, often based on a desire to be "fair", without taking into consideration the child's financial circumstances or potential hardships. There seems to be an unwavering belief that adult children need to learn how to adjust, irrespective of their changing financial situation.?

What happens when this becomes a persistent cycle, creating a pattern of financial dependence? Are we compromising our own financial goals, dreams and stability to fulfill these expectations?

As our society evolves, so should our perspectives and practices. It's high time we initiate open, honest conversations about these issues, striving for solutions that consider everybody's wellbeing.

Managing Our Expectations

According to the OCBC's Financial Wellness Index Survey, the sharpest steep decline in retirement planning occurred last year, 2023. This is a wake-up call for all of us. Perhaps it’s time we encourage open discussions about finances within the family.?

Knowing your limits, understanding your financial goals, seeking professional help, and being realistic about what you can do for your parents and your own future.

Every generation has walked its unique path of struggles and triumphs, but our generation, often termed the "sandwiched generation," finds itself bearing a different burden. We're striving to secure our retirement while caring for our dependents and our parents simultaneously. We need to redefine these expectations and work on a stable future.

Striking a conversation at home is where it begins. Start talking about:

• How much do your parents realistically need?
• How much is your disposable income?
• How much can you afford to contribute?
• What happens if your financial situation changes?
• If your parents are expecting a gradual increase in allowance, is the amount up to you?

Yes, this conversation is challenging and will largely depend on the openness, closeness, and understanding between you and your parents.?

This conversation isn't about shirking responsibility or expressing resentment, but about ensuring a future that is secure for both you and your parents. We need to balance the scales and understand that looking after our parents' needs doesn't mean sacrificing our own financial security.?

It's about creating a sustainable plan that caters to their needs but also lays a stable groundwork for our financial future.

While I firmly believe that it’s very much okay to offer financial support to our parents, I also believe that this support should not get reduced to a rigid system of fixed monthly allowances. Rather, it should be a fluid, supportive arrangement that we, working adults,? can navigate and decide.