Parental Alienation - debunked

Frances Carr ~ October 2021

My experience of Parental Alienation is a lived one. My daughter was legally abducted from my safe care and then brainwashed to reject me by her father, my abusive ex-husband. As I searched the internet, I discovered that this abuse was commonly called Parental Alienation. It has other names, but this is the one that resonates with most victims and is used by Cafcass.

So, what is wrong with Parental Alienation that so many people in a position of influence dismiss this atrocious abuse as a myth?

The myth:

Factor #1: A Pedo theory?

The term was first coined by Richard Gardner. He identified this abuse and called it Parental Alienation Syndrome. However, his research was also associated with condoning paedophilia, and as a result, his research is now widely discredited* by both sides of the argument.

This however does not mean that the abuse does not exist. A parallel analogy can be found with Autistic Spectrum disorder. Until recently it was called Asperger’s, named after the German paediatrician, who was involved with the Nazi racial hygiene measures. People with this condition understandably do not want to be associated with a Nazi who committed war crimes, hence it has been reframed as an Autistic Spectrum Disorder, but that does not mean that the condition does not exist.

Parental Alienation – a theory with substantial scientific evidence

Contrary to the propaganda that is circulated about it, there is substantial scientific research that proves the existence of this abuse. Jennifer Harman, Amy Baker and William Barnet have all produced peer-reviewed studies that scientifically evidence this abuse. They are just 3 of many researchers who have worked tirelessly to uncover this abuse.

I can verify their conclusions because my daughter and I have lived this.

Factor#2: An ideological football in a battle of words?

Gardner’s theory was quickly picked up by both Men’s Rights activists and Women’s rights activists alike. Fathers who had been denied contact with their children cited Parental Alienation like a trump card, to gain access to their children. Mothers on the other hand, protective of their children condemned its use, associating anyone who used the term with paedophilia. This argument still rages in courts and in the media globally, which is why I have been called a misogynist, even though I am an alienated mum.

However, what has tragically been lost in all this are the children who are victims of the abuse. Brainwashed into rejecting and hating a once much-loved parent, by the other who wishes to continue the reign of abuse post-separation.

The Truth:

Parental Alienation is not gendered

The reality is that Parental Alienation is not gendered. Both parents can be victims or perpetrators because this is psychological abuse, and both sexes are equally capable of being abusers. ?Regardless of the gender of the abuser, the children are always victims of this abuse, yet they are barely recognised in any arguments either in the political arena or the media.

Instead, this issue has polarised the gender war. Neither side is prepared to acknowledge the real victims in this battle of words - the children because they have vested too much of their ideology into their attack, and to back down would mean to lose face.

This is particularly true for the Violence Against Women and Girls movement (VAWG). To acknowledge that they were wrong to take such a polarised view of this abuse, would substantially weaken their position. Currently, if a father cites Parental Alienation in court, mothers will direct their argument to Gardner, and infer that it is a Pedo theory, used by abusers. Judges rightly may want to distance themselves from this theory if they are not thoroughly informed about this type of abuse.

Parental Alienation – We need to hear the authentic voice of the child

At this stage, the judge will defer to the voice of the child in court. If the child has already been brainwashed by the abusive parent, identifying the authentic voice of the child now becomes the issue. Unfortunately, this issue of authenticity is rarely considered. Their voice is taken at face value.

Many adult children describe how grateful they were to the skilled therapists who were able to unravel their words to get to the truth. Those however who were less fortunate, often resorted to self-harming, substance abuse, promiscuity to cope with the devasting mental anguish that they were suffering.

Therefore, the abuse of Parental Alienation must be recognised. The harm it does to children can potentially have lifelong detrimental consequences for them.

Parental Alienation – the abuse VAWG will not recognise

Women’s Rights activists will not acknowledge this abuse, because as I cited before it severely undermines their power to influence court outcomes, and more widely the political arena, including funding for the charities they run. Consequently, they are very protective, desperate that it is not recognised in law.

To protect themselves they have enlisted the media, in the UK Louise Tickle and Maya Oppenheim, often highlight feminist issues, including their view of Parental Alienation, without ever giving any credibility to the alternative argument.

Is this too extreme a view? I think not. There have been numerous articles in the press denouncing Parental Alienation, but none will pick up the opposing agreement that thousands of children in the UK are victims of this abuse. Parental Alienation UK tried to appeal to the media, with a ￡20,000 campaign to highlight this abuse, highlighting a particularly devastating story of a little boy, Archie Sprigg, who was murdered at the hands of his mother, and yet still the media refused to run the story because it did not fit the VAWG narrative.

The politicians with openly feminist viewpoints have spoken out against Parental Alienation, and then hand-picked Dr Adrienne Barnett to oversee the Ministry of Justice Harm Report. A report that has been heavily referenced during the debates for the Domestic Abuse Bill here in the UK, yet it essentially only paid lip service to the abuse that men suffer at the hands of females which makes up one-third of all cases of abuse, or same-sex abuse.

Mothers who are victims of Parental Alienation have repeatedly appealed to the Victims Commissioners, and the ministers with responsibility for justice yet have been ignored time and time again, just as the Media have ignored Parental Alienation UK's efforts.

The reality is that until we stop fighting a battle of words over semantics, there will continue to be thousands of more victims of this abuse in the UK and millions globally. Currently, money appears to speak louder than justice and those in a position to speak out refuse to in case their reputation is tarnished.

The question is how many victims need to die for us to take this abuse seriously?

Parents committing suicide because they are helpless to prevent this abuse, unsupported and treated like criminals when they are innocent, and they believe their only escape from the stigma is suicide.

But the children…. How many children need to die at the hands of abusive parents, hell-bent on preventing the other parent from having a relationship with their child? Or the children who commit suicide because their identity has been destroyed along with their relationship with their parents, and they can’t trust anyone in the world that they live in?

Enough is enough. We need justice now.

*the word discredited is used in layman’s terms. To clarify, the feminists discredit Gardner in wholesale terms both he and anyone associated with him. This is tantamount to throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Parental Alienation Academics credit Gardner with vital work, that they have built on, however, due to the infamy associated with him, those trying to raise awareness of this abuse have had to distance themselves from Gardner’s work.?