To the parent of a struggling child...

There’s a good chance you’re feeling like an emotional punching bag some days…

I get how hard it is to be the soft landing place…

Here are some things you need to remember:

???? You’re taking the punches not because you need to be a tougher parent… not because you’re “too soft”... But because your child feels safe enough in your presence to show you their pain.

???? The way you are left feeling, really isn’t a result of a personal attack on you. The eye-rolls, the “I hate you”s, the ‘defiant’ behaviour and the mammoth meltdowns… They’re all just a message from a hurting and very vulnerable child…

???? I know the only person you’re thinking about helping is your child, but you have to remember this- Your self care and personal support (whether that’s from friends or professionals) is most important. Your child draws their strength from you, and right now, their emotional needs are significant. Top up with all that fills your soul- you can’t give to others when you’re empty. ??

???? You can’t fix your hurting child. That’s a hard one to hear and I wish I could give you a magic wand??… but the fact remains- you just can’t…

???? There’s some good news though. ???? What your child needs most isn’t fixing- it’s holding through the dark spaces… and THAT is absolutely in your capacity to do… THAT’S where resilience is built- in dark spaces, alongside a safe person… ??

???? Instead of trying to give solutions- reflect your child’s pain… Sit in that shadowed place and reflect just how hard it is for them to be there… What your child most needs is to know that someone understands completely, that someone is in their dark corner- not that someone is trying to direct them to the nearest way out…

???? Normalize the murky places for your child. We ALL land in them from time to time. Through the everyday conversations in your home, banish all the stigma around mental health. We’re human. We’re all allowed to feel all things. And those things change… just like the ocean waves… ??

???? We’re quickly heading towards the end of a long and fast year. ??? Our kids and teens are tired. No, they’re exhausted. Many are struggling. Their emotional capacity to cope with life’s ‘normal’ stresses and busyness is far less as a result... ??

Allow them time to rest. ??♀?

Get out of your world and connect with them in theirs. ??

Hang out.

Play the games. ??

Toss the ball. ??

Watch the YouTube video.

Be interested in what lights them up. ??

Your investment in their passion speaks volumes to them about their worth and value in the world. Our struggling kids need so much more of that.

???? Closing thoughts...

As devastating and heartbreaking as it is to absorb the punches, there’s an honour to being the one your child feels safe enough to share their wounded vulnerability with… We share our deepest pain with the people we love the most… those we trust the most…

When our kids struggle, we struggle so much too… There’s a good chance you’re feeling alone-maybe you’re even trying to pretend life’s all roses and fairytales - because that’s just what everyone else’s life SEEMS to be… Those untrue thoughts make the journey feel even harder… even more lonely.

Know this- with absolute certainty: You’re not alone… And sharing the “not okay”, real version of yourself and what you’re going through with others can be deeply connecting and deeply healing… For you, and your child. ??

After the storm ?? (and no matter how long it is, the ‘after’ will come) what means the most to our struggling kids and teens is to know where we were standing while it raged… ??

Let their answer, no matter how fierce the onslaught was, always be: “Even on the days I couldn’t see through the torrents, my mom/ my dad was right beside me… “ ??

Healing comes through holding with no expectations…

It comes through connection where no judgement exists…

It comes from standing in storms alongside our ‘safe others’…

Hold on…

With love and whatever else you need today,

Naomi ??

PS. This week, we celebrated World Mental Health Day.

It’s tough out there. The amount of struggling kids, teens and parents I see on a daily basis sometimes feels overwhelming.

My book, BOUNCE?? , is all about practical ways to create the deepest foundations of resilience within our kids and teens, and, because of the need to talk so much more about this topic, I have a dedicated section on Parenting Depressed Kids and Teens.

If you need additional support, please reach out to a mental health practitioner. Struggling is as much a part of being human as growing. ?? ??