Parent or Coach?

Under the title of raising kids:

Our daughter, Amber, had the unique opportunity to be raised by two parents who were also professional life coaches for her entire childhood. While you might think this was a wonderful situation for a young girl, Amber wouldn’t necessarily agree with you. Instead, it’s likely she’d simply roll her eyes and groan, remembering the many “coaching conversations” to which she was subjected.

It took my wife, Ann, and I awhile to learn that coaching works best when the other person is open to it including and maybe especially when that person is your child. I still remember the day Amber taught me this lesson. She’d come home from playing with one of her friends upset that she had gotten into a fight with her BFF.

Of course, I immediately put on my coaching cap and started to ask her questions and make suggestions on how she might have handled the situation differently. Once again, as had often happened lately, Amber wasn’t accepting the coaching at all well. Finally, growing frustrated myself, I pointed this out to my seven-year-old daughter. Her reply was priceless.

“Dad, I don’t really want you to be my coach right now. I just want you to be my dad and hear what I have to say.” Funny, I thought, I’d heard a similar comment from my wife more than once. Even with my paying clients, I knew one of my most important jobs as their life coach was to be sure that I was listening to them well and giving them the opportunity to express whatever was going on in their life. My daughter was asking for the same courtesy from me. 

I accepted her request, took off my coaching cap, and listened to her as a loving parent. After a few minutes, Amber let out a deep sigh having expressed her upset and concerns. She then smiled at me and said. “Okay, Dad, now what was the coaching?”