Paraphrasing will set you free...
Do you know anyone who just doesn't get it? You know the kind of person who always seems to be going against the grain. Maybe it's a co-worker, boss, subordinate, family member or a friend? You try to level with them and perhaps it seems they really don't listen. Have you ever been in an argument or disagreement with somebody where maybe you were the one who actually wasn't "listening"? This can be a tough question to answer. You may have to take a look in the mirror, which could possibly affect your pride. You think to yourself, "Sometimes they just don't understand". Well, you just hit the nail on the head. They really don't.
Communication is like a life force. If we only use 10% of our brain, then we must not be all that great of communicators. Just think of all the moments where you have just accepted a disagreement and moved on. There are times where it isn't worth the stress to press an issue. If we have these occurrences throughout life, it just ought to be the way it is, right? I have news for you. Some of us have a thing or two to learn. So why not take a closer look into how people respond to different types of situations?
Let's compare verbal vs. non verbal communication. By comparing both types we can recognize cases where we can be mistaken from time to time. First, we'll have a look at a possible misunderstanding with something as a result of simple body language. Think of this example. One of your co-workers named Bob, just walked out of the boss's office and is kind of slouched over with a frown on their face, dragging their feet. Your first though may be they have just been reprimanded or had a performance review that didn't go over well. Or you think, "I guess all those times he has called in sick finally caught up to him". You begin to play out your interpretation of what happened based on the body language of Bob.
Unfortunately, Bob just received a phone call that his grandmother is very ill. The visit to the boss' office was to ask for a day off to visit his sick grandmother who may not recover. With a scenario like this, we've allowed room for our own interpretation. We may be right or we may be wrong. In this case, since you work closely along side of Bob, you may learn the truth behind the "closed door" meeting. The important thing to notice is that unless we know all the details, there is always room for interpretation. This is where a communication breakdown can occur.
The same concept applies to cases of misinterpretation that cause disagreements or misunderstandings. Have you ever finished somebody's sentence for them? Before they even finish, you have played out in your own mind what they are about to say without them saying it. In some instances you do know what they are going to say. The question is; do you truly understand what their point was going to be? Unfortunately, based on everything we come across throughout life, we are bred to be judgmental. We formulate opinions and generalizations naturally to fill in the blanks for our "own" rationalization.
What kind of things can we do to communicate more effectively? How can you apply this to your home life or work life? Whether it's picking out the right furniture with your spouse, or just closing the big deal with that tough client. There are some things you can do to help you along the way.
One practice to work on is very simple. You won't have to read a long book or take a training course to get this underway. You can practice as soon as you're done reading this article. The simple act of paraphrasing will take you to another level as a communicator. Paraphrasing will help you in a couple of ways. First and foremost, it shows that you are actually listening to the individual whom you're speaking with. Secondly, you allow yourself to check and see if what you heard was specifically what you interpreted. Eliminate the guess work. While working as a sales manager in the automotive industry, I constantly noticed times where our sales staff would not have all the information. I would ask questions so I could help coach them in a particular situation. There was countless times where I would hear things like, "I figured they would like this because..." or "I assumed they would be fine with this since..." Instances like this are classic examples of where communication is unclear and could be more effective.
Try it out. Next time you are having a discussion, look for places where you naturally allow yourself to "fill in the blanks" without clarifying a request or comment. When you paraphrase to confirm your understanding, you'll begin to notice a few changes. You may even be able to close a few more deals or even take home the furniture set AND the big screen TV that your spouse wasn't too keen on?! ;)
About the Author:
Scott Wain is the Director of Sales at Shift Marketing Studio. For the last 15+ years he has been a sales and sales management practitioner meticulously driving value for clients, prospects and colleagues. He is a problem solver who genuinely strives for win, win, win situations in all walks of life.