In a parallel universe...

Speaker A {Unidentified male, US Accent. Speech modelling indicates moderate intellect, limited education. Origination Florida}

A "Hey V***, how're you doing? Hope my speeches are working for you, there's bigly money in the options trading, it must be helping."

Speaker B {Unidentifed male, Russian Accent. Profiling indicates high intellect, excellent education. Origination unknown.}

B "Comrade D**! Always good to hear your voice. Yes, they have been very effective, you know how expensive those Swiss clinics are. And then there's the school fees!

A "Oh yeh, pleased to hear it. Look I've got a bit of a problem. I'm getting some blow back from the party about some of the things we're doing. JD got a bit out of control, and the South African is doing a good job but you know about his habit and he spews truth a bit in the night. I could do with a bit of your magic on this one?

B "D** that's no problem - I'll get my people to clarify instructions, get them to be more focussed. Maybe they have forgotten how far we can reach. You'll need to increase the distractions, I'll get my people to put some more stories out, the morons love that stuff! It will give you something to pump. It's your superpower D**: confuse and distract.

A "OK V***, thanks. The big one is the Ukraine thing. Europe is stepping up more than I thought they would. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to push it over the line like we planned, I think people are noticing that it seems like we are following a script.

B "Sure D**, we expected such a response. The attacks helped get the first phase over the line like I said it would. You have to trust me, I've been planning this for many years. The next phase is for me to refuse your terms. The idiots at the old mans media company will lap it up and I'll make sure his orders are reinforced. An argument makes a good story, his super power is finding another side to an argument! Then you and I can have an official call, and we will be tough in front of the crowd. I'll give away a little, so will you and they will think we are heroes. We might even get you on the cover of Time for real, I know you've always wanted that.

A "OK OK. And V***, once I've nailed the treaties and stuff, and the economy is smaller than China, is that the debt paid? I'm killing it in the markets, so the money isn't a problem any more. But will that be it? We're all square?

B "Yes D**, of course. But remember, just let me know if you have trouble putting off the elections. I can help with that. You can trust me. We've been doing this for a long time.

Party A terminates

B "Чертовы идиоты. По крайней мере, в старые времена был хоть какой-то вызов.

Party B terminates