The Paradox of Yet

‘The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.’

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Leadership is full of contradictions. Without them, leadership would be a walk in the park. We could make decisions quickly and easily, as the answer would be straightforward. Yet I know every person reading this understands the complexity of leading. We need to draw from both our ferocity and our warmth to balance results and relationships. The visual image for Ferocious Warmth is the infinity symbol. Every moment of the day we draw from our head and heart, the evidence base and the beliefs, the cognition and the emotion. Blending apparent opposites makes Ferocious Warmth a powerful leadership approach as it builds the capability to ride the ‘yet’ of perceived dichotomy. Rather than seeing challenging 'opposites' as polarities, we see them as dualities.

DANCING WITH PARADOX

At the centre of the infinity loop lies the ‘yet’. The yet gives us permission to hold the paradox of:

• Explicit, yet empowering
• Strategic, yet people focussed
• Challenging, yet providing psychological safety
• Director, yet co-creator
• Compassionate, yet with high expectations
• Courageous, yet vulnerable
• Open to influence, yet with purposeful intent
• Focussed, yet open to ambiguity and flexibility
• Realistic, yet optimistic.

Simultaneously reflecting on both sides of the equation takes curiosity and skill.

If we’re driven by a strong set of principles that centre us, we can bring this duality together. Like an artist mixing two seeming opposing colours together, we end up with a third choice. It becomes a richer choice that incorporates strengths from both sides.

LET'S EXPLORE TWO OF THESE PARADOXES:

REALIST OPTIMISM

Jim Collins discusses the concept of this duality in his well-known book Good to Great.22 In his description of the paradox and duality of optimistic realism, he names what he calls the Stockdale Paradox. General Stockdale was held captive in the Hanoi Hilton during the Vietnam war for eight years, suffering torture and other immense hardships. Through this time the mental fitness that got General Stockdale through was his faith that he would get out, even though he knew it would be the toughest fight of his life. He forced himself to see the brutal facts of the context and stoically deal with them. He believed he would prevail and that it would be a defining time in his life. The people who didn’t deal well with the horrible reality they were living through were those who were in denial of the situation. They kept saying, ‘We’ll be out by Easter’ and ‘We’ll be out by Christmas’. These milestones came and went, and after a while their empty optimism left them and they ‘died of a broken heart’.

Research would show that Stockdale displayed optimism that was problem-focussed and emotion-focussed. He engaged with the situation while the others who didn’t make it were disengaged from any strategy other than hope.

In stressful times, realistic optimists pull from both the head and the heart in their coping mechanisms. Research and meta-analysis on optimism research by Carver et al, found that optimism ‘predicted active attempts to both change and accommodate to stressful circumstances, in ways that reflect flexible engagement’. In their meta-analysis of optimism and coping, Solberg Nes and Segerstrom found optimism was positively associated with the two types of engagement-coping responses: those that are problem-focused (head) and those that are emotion-focused (heart). Optimists are responsive to the type of stressor being confronted. Optimists display problem-focused coping with stress that had controllable factors and more emotion-focused coping when faced with uncontrollable stressors (e.g. trauma). This adaptability and flexibility of the optimist is the hallmark of the Ferocious Warmth leader.

Seth Godin, marketing and tribe expert and one of the world’s most prolific entrepreneurial thinkers, sums up optimism as a leadership attribute in one paragraph:

‘Optimism is an attitude and a choice. It involves context and focus. We’re not deluding ourselves with the reassurance that everything is going to be okay (because that’s not productive). Instead, we’re committed to finding things we can contribute to, work on and improve. We’re devoted to seeking out useful lessons and to discovering where the benefit of the doubt might be helpful. Positive thinking doesn’t solve every problem. But it’s a much better tool than negative thinking.’

THE HUMBLE PERSISTOR

Continuing with the concept of duality, Collins’ top leadership level (Level 5) is about the ability to balance two seemingly opposing traits: humility and extreme persistence. An outdated view of leadership would see humility as a weakness, but Collins demonstrates that this humility is supported by strength that can also be forceful and decisive. Either side of this humble/forceful approach is an asset on its own in context, but Collins believes the reason for these leaders’ success is the unique combination of the two qualities. These Level 5 leaders also encourage strong robust debate, especially within a senior team, and devolve power from themselves to the team.

Without the blending of the seemingly opposing strengths, we become a victim of extremities. If we are by default always the fearsome leader or the very warm ‘enmeshed’ leader, everything is out of kilter.

If we are only problem-focussed and not emotion-focussed, we respond in ways that don’t take all needs into account. We end up making decisions that don’t consider a whole range of perspectives because we haven’t listened to them. Ferocity can sometimes take the high road of ‘being right’. At the other end, if we default to the warmth side, we might try to keep everyone happy, unwilling to upset the perceived harmony.

It is always a fluctuating balance of both head and heart that provides leadership that is contextually relevant and effective. Ferocious Warmth.

Question: Where does the paradox of yet challenge you in your leadership?

Do you see these things in polarity rather than duality?

I work with leaders who understand that they lead people. Leading people requires compassion, empathy as well as a strong commitment to a culture of learning, growth and connection. If you and your team are interested in building their leadership and their culture, let's connect.

www.traceyezard.com