Paradox of 'why'

The two most important questions in my life have always been ‘why’ and ‘why not’??

‘Why’ often helps us go beyond the obvious and status quo. It helps us push the boundaries and, in some cases, stand defiant in the face of difficult situations. It establishes the causality and defines the reason. It is an integral part of the famous five journalistic ‘Ws’, who, what, when, where and why. ?

Why is profound! ?

It represents some very strong and important elements of human values. Why is also a ‘purpose’ question as Friedrich Nietzsche said, “One who has the why to live, can bear almost any how.” and of course Mark Twain’s famous quote “There are two most important days in your life are the day you were born, and the day you found out why?”?

‘Why’ is central to most of my conversations and I would use ‘why’ almost intuitively, without realizing its consequences in human conversations. I recently went through a leadership training, I learnt about important aspects of impactful leadership, i.e. See, Hear, Speak, and Coach. As leaders, we are expected to make the other person feel seen, heard, spoken to, and coached whenever needed. It is during this journey that I discovered the downside of ‘why’. In intentional listening, ‘why’ is not the best question to ask, it makes the other person defensive. S/he feels as if his/her intent is being questioned. S/he may not open after a ‘why’. Imagine if a team member walks up to you stating that I made this mistake and instead of offering him /her/ them a safe environment to open up, you ask “why did you do it?”. Using a ‘what’ or ‘how’ is still better, it leads to a better conversation and makes the other person 'heard'. ?

I have been a beneficiary of multiple training/ coaching in my professional career and each one of them has taught me something new. Just like the Paradox of ‘why’ this time. ?