The Paradox of Change

Today's article is shared with us by Johnny Parks .

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For years, I’ve been a shadow boxer.?

I’ve been throwing punches at the parts of myself that I wanted to change.?

Duck, bob, strike, contact. Fight. Fight. Fight.?

When I recognised a part of me that I didn’t like, or want, my default was to get in the ring, get up on my toes, and begin to box. Fight it away, in the belief that change required opposition. Change necessitated a countering energy and an opposing force to compel me to move in a particular direction.?

This strategy has served well to an extent, however, it’s demanded significant energy, often lacked compassion, and never started with acceptance of self.?

And that’s the paradox.?

Sometimes the movement of change requires inertia. Instead of demanding forward energy, change often asks you to stop.?

Often, it starts with acceptance.?

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Quick question, what would happen to you if you began to fully accept yourself? All the parts of you that you’ve maybe felt embarrassed about, afraid to disclose or acknowledge, or ashamed of. What would happen if you, instead of fighting or suppressing these parts, began to welcome them?

Fighting and suppression typically result in greater separation.?

Acceptance typically results in greater integration.?

Change starts with acceptance. A handshake, a hug, a moment of compassion or acknowledgement.?

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And, to extend that thought further, what would happen if, instead of trying to change the people around you that you love, you started with acceptance?

What if acceptance was your act of love?

How could that support integration rather than separation?

(I’m not advocating the passive acceptance of abusive or highly damaging relationships that result in significant harm; I am, however, curious about how acceptance, as a mindset, or posture, has the potential to close gaps and stimulate understanding.)

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And, to extend even further…what about the changes you want to see in community or society or our planet? What about the ideologies or beliefs that you’re opposed to? I wonder how fighting or suppression serves us in those attempts to bring change versus starting with acceptance??

How could acceptance support integration rather than greater separation?

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I wonder if our world could do with more acceptance. I often think it could. Acceptance of the ‘other’. Those humans, and non-humans, who are not like us.?

What if our act of love was acceptance?

And, if this is the case, that we could be better at accepting the 'other', it’s probably more possible that I’ll be able to accept them when I’ve first learned to accept self.?

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I look at my shadow a bit differently now. I’m less interested in fighting with him, and more interested in acceptance.?

And from that place, who know what types of changes are possible...