The parable of Karen Smith from Manchester ...

Karen Smith is 39, she lives in a comfortable suburban house with her Husband and Labrador. Leaving school with a clutch of GCSE’s she went on to get good College Grades and ended up at University studying Psychology…

But today, Karen Smith from Manchester is 40…

She woke early and looked out the window across the street, over the trees to the Arndale shopping centre that could just be seen hiding behind the Premier Inn and the Cathedral…

Cradling a mug of green tea in both hands she took a deep breath and had a sudden thought…

Wasn’t she the “Girl most likely to succeed…” at school, wasn’t she the girl that wanted to be a dancer and travel the world with the theatre, didn’t she want to live in rural France and drink local wines taking long walks along the vineyard infested river banks…?

And then she turned with her mug and looked at the Edward Hopper print “Room in New York” that they bought from Ikea in Ashton; and she realised in a flash that she recognised the lady in orange dress – it was her, sat waiting for something, anything to happen to break the monotony of her suburban, happy paradise…

40 had crept up quick, like a punch in slow motion stealth mode; she had seen it coming but had chosen to ignore it. Age was something that happened to other people; to parents, teachers, and shopkeepers but not to the “Girl most likely to succeed…”

She sat down in the kitchen, it was still only 06.30, the house was quiet. The Daily Mail was sat on the table, a couple of dishes in the sink and a “bag for life” stood in the corner with bottles destined for the recycling – Molly the Labrador was lying at her feet and all was as it should be…

Or was it…

When did it all change…?

She thought to herself…

The dreams of travel, dance, and vineyards that all seemed so possible as a teenager had somehow been replaced with a mortgage, credit cards, job and “bags for life…”

It hadn’t been a sudden thing, but a relentless erosion of the vision she had developed so clearly for herself – over the 25 years life had overwhelmed her…

Her career was OK, she went to the gym twice a week and even drove a BMW 3 Series with full leather and a sat nav – but it only took her to the supermarket and the office – not the Corniche or the Amalfi Coast; and the sat nav was preset to Morrisons...

She remembers imagining her future as if she could see it through a telescope; the future was vibrant, colourful, and full of life – a crystal clear image of where she wanted to be in her future…

It certainly didn’t include a view of the Arndale Centre on a 40th Birthday Sunday morning…

When Karen was young she really didn't know what she wanted, the ideas of dancing, travel and Cremant seemed to evaporate when the reality of parents, college and career started to bite...

She was unknowingly guided to change her aspirations – not in a single conversation but a series of encounters, conversations and raising of eyebrows…

Effectively her view through her future telescope had been adjusted by those around her, she had set her sights on what was acceptable, not to her but to others. The weight of expectation weighed heavy and the "helping hands" of family, friends and the media had adjusted her gaze from France to a 3-bed semi just outside Salford...

She realised that her Environment, Beliefs and Values had conspired with her personality to point her view in a new direction - not of her choosing, but one that ensured compliance with expectations, not breaking away from the pack and conformity...

Over a period of time, she didn't need the helping hands at all, her life began to fit into a pattern of Pinot Grigio, Takeaways on a Saturday and making coffee for the boss when it got close to appraisal time...

She had capitulated, tapped out on the dreams she once had and had decided that this is all there was for Karen Smith from Manchester. She didn't need guiding anymore, she had found validation and purpose by living out the proxy dreams of others...

She chose to weld the telescope in place and even started to evangelise to others about how they should live and work too...

She removed the possibility for any other future to be available to her by fixing her view where she had been told it was best for her - essentially to look where everyone else was looking - do the same, work the same, drink the same and be happy the same...

She decided that this was just how life was meant to be. The Rules were that she should settle down, keep quiet pay off the mortgage and go to a sunny beach once a year for a holiday with some stranger she called Husband...

The other alternative realities had been blocked off to her - initially by the actions and pressure of others - including the glorious Daily Mail and Coronation St - so much so that she stopped even thinking about them.

It was as if they didn't exist for her - they only happened to other people because other people were different or special or lucky...

She even went on a Personal Development Workshop in London where they get you to walk on hot coals in a damp car park, rub each other's shoulders and lie on the floor screaming at your past like a wailing banshee.

She had returned home with new enthusiasm, "decided" to make some changes, get out and about, travel, wear patterns, not stripes and book that trip to France...

But pretty soon the energy had drained away - it wasn't enough to break the welds on the telescope; and anyway, going to France in patterns was scary, uncertain and risky...

The fear of the unknown - she didn't even speak the language apart from knowing a bit about "Etre and Avoir" - held her back from making the leap. It was a lot safer and more comfortable to stay put in predictable mediocrity than take the risk of spectacular happiness...

What if hubby didn't want to come along, what would her boss say, what about the mortgage and credit cards - what about Brexit...?

But on this grey early morning in Manchester, Karen Smith from Manchester decided to break the welds on her telescope and take a peek at what else was out there for her...

They were tough to break, having been built up over the years they were tough and resilient but she broke them all through sheer tear-driven determination and realised that what she had wanted all her life was still out there and she didn't have to only choose one path - she could have it all...

She didn't have to let go of everything, just allow space for something else, and not only make the decision to go for it but take the fear and uncertainty in her stride...

After all, she was "The girl most likely to succeed..."

40 had been a long time coming, how much time had she wasted at Morrisons and sat in her BMW in the traffic on the M6 - but then she realised that it was all a matter of time and being ready...

When she was 25 she wasn't ready and when she was 35 she still wasn't ready - but now she was and her journey could start; but what would it look like...?

The Problem with Goals is that they are not achieved in straight lines - the journey tends to be all over the place...

So Karen Smith from Manchester not only decided to Be more Do more and Have more but also decided that she'd take the risk of the unknown and see what happened - she'd take the rough with the smooth, the wins as compensation for the losses and play the hand she dealt for herself rather than had been handed to her by others...

Success is not just about vision, it's about movement and action - risk taking and it still being OK. Just because it looks hard doesn't mean you should look somewhere else...

Karen now lives in France, her journey took her to other places first, she lost some friends and some money, made some new ones and still wears patterns, not stripes...

She can look wherever she wants - nothing is closed off to her and nothing now seems impossible, but it took 25 years and a lot of "weld breaking" to get there. So now Karen Smith from Manchester "The girl most likely to succeed..." can sit with her Labrador, sipping local Cremant overlooking the vineyard infested river banks, and rather than go to The Arndale Centre on Saturday, she can drive to Monaco and along the Corniche - complete with a bag for life...

Karen Smith from Manchester - The Girl Most likely to succeed, finally has...

PS - Karen Smith from Manchester is a fictitious character; Names and persons in this Blog are entirely fictional. They bear no resemblance to anyone living or dead...

David Holland MBA is a Writer and Coach - originally from inner city Birmingham his life and career have taken him all over the world. Having lived in the UK and the USA he now lives in rural France with a Labrador and a Beagle and the girl he met at high school 40 years ago...

He enables people to live extraordinary lives through his Coaching, Events and Workshops and is available for consultations, keynotes and events...

He's done it himself so knows what he is talking about too...

So to get in touch with David Holland from Birmingham, just drop him an email at [email protected]

Results Rules OK is the unique little Coaching and Training Company with offices in Luxembourg and the UK we provide Business and Executive Coaching Programmes, Training Workshops and Key-Note talks at conferences...

You can find out more at our website - www.resultsrulesok.com