The Paleo Diet: Caveman Approved, Science Denied?

?????? Diet trends come and go—keto, vegan, Mediterranean, carnivore, and even juice cleanses that make you question your life choices. But the one that confuses me the most is Paleo.

?????? Ah, the Paleo diet—a magical way to eat like our ancestors, lose weight, and ascend to peak health. Or so the story goes.

But does science actually back up the idea that going full caveman is the key to health and longevity? Or is it just another trendy diet based on nostalgia for a time when we didn’t have antibiotics, refrigeration, or the concept of personal hygiene? ????

Let’s break it down with data, humor, and a healthy dose of common sense.

Claim #1: "We Should Eat Like Our Ancestors!"

?? Reality Check: First of all, which ancestors? The Paleo diet assumes that everyone was feasting on grass-fed bison and organic kale. But in reality, our ancestors ate whatever they could find, including bugs, tubers, and, in desperate times, each other. ?????

?? Data Says:

• The average lifespan of a Paleolithic human was about 30 years. ??
• The average life expectancy of an American today is 76 years—despite eating fast food, donuts, and spending most of the day sitting. ???????
• Paleolithic humans suffered from nutrient deficiencies, parasites, and a charming condition called osteoporosis at age 25. ??
• The idea that all humans ate the same diet is nonsense—people in coastal areas ate seafood, those in forests ate plants, and some just ate whatever didn’t eat them first. ??

Milk: A Nutrient Powerhouse That Paleo Ignores! (And Yes, I Work at a Milk Factory!)

?? Reality Check: As someone who works in a milk factory, I find it baffling that Paleo followers completely dismiss dairy. The Paleo diet insists that dairy is unnatural for human consumption, but science strongly disagrees.

?? Data Says:

• Milk is one of the most nutrient-dense foods, providing calcium, protein, vitamin D, potassium, and essential fatty acids.
• A 2020 study in Advances in Nutrition found that milk consumption is linked to improved bone density and reduced risk of osteoporosis. ??
• Dairy products have been associated with better muscle growth, weight management, and a lower risk of type 2 diabetes. ??
• Countries with high dairy consumption (like Switzerland and the Netherlands) have some of the longest life expectancies in the world. ??

Meanwhile, early humans were opportunistic eaters—if they had access to milk, they likely drank it without second-guessing.

Claim #2: "Grains Are Evil!"

?? Reality Check: The Paleo community demonizes grains like they’re plotting world domination.

?? Data Says:

• Grains have been eaten for at least 100,000 years—even before agriculture. (Oops, guess we were cheating on Paleo before it even existed. ??)
• Blue Zone populations (the longest-living humans on Earth) eat a diet rich in whole grains—and they’re not dropping dead from bread. ????
• A 2017 study in The Lancet found that whole grain consumption is linked to a 22% lower risk of death from any cause. ??

Meanwhile, cavemen weren’t exactly thriving on their keto-adjacent meat-fests. Their high meat consumption came with a hefty side of chronic disease, clogged arteries, and lead poisoning from licking rocks. ??

Claim #3: "Meat Is the Key to Health!"

?? Reality Check: While a juicy steak may be delicious, relying on a diet that’s 70% meat isn’t exactly a longevity hack.

?? Data Says:

• High consumption of red meat is linked to increased risks of heart disease, cancer, and early death (Harvard, 2020).
• The average Paleolithic diet was 50%+ plant-based, because… surprise! Hunting wasn’t easy, and nobody had a Whole Foods selling pre-cut steaks. ??
• The Maasai people, famous for eating a nearly all-meat diet, have high cholesterol and signs of atherosclerosis (artery hardening) by middle age. (So much for "ancestral wisdom" saving the day.) ??

Claim #4: "Paleo Will Make You Lean and Fit!"

???♂? Reality Check: Modern Paleo dieters aren’t exactly running barefoot through the jungle, spearing mammoths. They’re sitting in air-conditioned offices, meal-prepping $12 grass-fed burgers, and posting Instagram pics of "caveman-approved" brownies made with almond flour.

?? Data Says:

• A 2016 study found that Paleo followers actually gained more fat mass over two years compared to people on a balanced diet. ??
• Many dieters end up eating too much protein and fat, leading to higher cholesterol and insulin resistance (aka, the stuff we were trying to avoid).
• The diet is super restrictive, meaning most people quit within 6 months (and then binge on everything they missed, like bread, pizza, and joy). ??

Final Thoughts: Paleo or Pale-No?

?? Look, if Paleo works for you, great! But let’s not pretend it’s based on rigorous science or that it’s the secret to longevity. Our ancestors didn’t live long, had terrible teeth, and would have murdered someone for a plate of spaghetti. ????

?? What Actually Works? ? A balanced diet with whole grains, fruits, veggies, and lean proteins. ? Not cutting out entire food groups because of a myth. ? Enjoying food without pretending we’re living in the Ice Age.

So, unless you’re planning to hunt your dinner with a sharpened stick tonight, maybe we can stop pretending the Paleo diet is the key to human survival. ??

What do you think? Have you tried Paleo? Let’s discuss in the comments! ??