A Painful Breakup

A Break-up Letter to Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohamad

DISCLAIMER: Of Course this is a Very Personal Opinion. Duh! Not to be linked to my past, current or future employer. Double duh! No one associated with me yesterday, today and tomorrow should be held accountable. Everything is in good faith. Just saying…

I am a 70’s Child of Malaysia. I have experienced Mini-bus No. 10 and I have seen Malaysia Airlines on the tarmacs of the biggest airports in the world. I remember Globe Silk Store and my children loves KLCC. I remember Stadium Merdeka and I have experienced the Commonwealth Games. I have had Protons and am proud of KLIA. All thanks to Tun.

But the past seems to be haunting me. It’s time to exorcise some old Ghosts. It’s time to end some old relationships. Beginning with Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohamad himself. Yes, ironically.

Firstly, until a few days ago, I did not have a ‘relationship’ with the man. I shook his hand once as a child during one Raya open house and have not spoken to him or seen him in person since. Yet, he speaks to me almost every day whether I like it or not. He tells me stuff - incessantly and continuously. Hardly a day goes by without him trying to define who I am and who my children will be in a future Malaysia. He takes liberty to define what success means for me and whether I should deserve it or to whom I should be thankful for it. He volunteers to remind me that I am ‘lucky’ that I have a ‘place’ here and that I must accept whatever is ‘given’ to me and my children. He chastises me to want to continue using my mother tongue (which I am incidentally poor at) and for remembering my heritage (although EVERYONE here except that Orang Asli and the folks of East Malaysia have one. Most of us came from somewhere). ?He also, without fail, reminds me that the little ‘success’ I have had in my life MUST have been at the expense of someone else who had an ‘original’ right to it before I did or ever will. Ever! He makes me feel guilty to simply be a Malaysian. Worst still, he makes me feel as if there is no guarantee that I will always be a Malaysian; that it is to his pleasure that I am one now. That my children better not take anything for granted.

So, while I don’t have any relationship with him, he seems to have a relationship with me. In fact, he is so obsessed with me that who he is seems to be defined by who I should not be. After years of being courted, I am now accepting the fact that I do indeed have a relationship with him. I just can’t escape it. Even after he is dead (I pray that he has a long and healthy life) he will continue to have a relationship with me. He will be omnipresent. A ghostly presence that is going to invade my consciousness and my children’s. So, I might as well accept his invite for a relationship.

And since this is now a mutual relationship (which he started first by addressing me and the meaning of me as a Malaysian), I would like to now reciprocate the hitherto one-way dialogue. I think I need to talk back to him too. My only regret is that I had ignored him all these years.

So, Tun M! What do you want? What more do you want? You are irritating the hell out of me. I want to remember you fondly and I want to be able to tell my children and grand-children that you were the architect of modern Malaysia without having to add “he was also the one who sowed the seeds of division in our country”. Please, help me out here. I listened to you all these years. Do this favour for me. Help me to remember you fondly. I will even forget the things that happened to our judiciary, race relations, and religious bigotry. Just, stop talking to me for a bit. Stop defining, dividing, separating, segmenting, splitting, isolating. Let me just be.

I suppose there is no point now to tell you that I have not enjoyed any special privileges which means I have not taken anything from anybody. I have not made anyone less by becoming more of my self. Unless of course you define getting a public education and getting a job in the Malaysian economy as way too much ‘given’ to me. On the contrary I have contributed to nation building. I have been competitive and collaborative though I am not sure whose rights my family and I have trampled upon after we decided to rely on ourselves once our own rights were hardly recognised. I bet you have the answer for that. You have bought into your own answer and that has been your political capital for all these years. Oh by the way, none of the people whose right’s you claim that we have misappropriated?have ever spoken unkindly towards us. They share in our joy and we share in their joy and successes. We empathize with each other’s pain and sorrow. Damn, we even marry each other and have mixed-race kids. Did you know that? I now live in a place surrounded by them and you would be knocked off your feet if you saw how friendly we are to each other. We don’t begrudge them as they are victims of the system as much as we are. The system was created by you and your class. Yes, your CLASS. But wait, I better not say anything more about ‘class’ lest you now accuse me and my kind of being ‘communists.

You are becoming a strange man. No, you are more (less?) than a man now for me. You are like…well…like smoke that engulfs me. It chokes me, makes me cough and makes my eyes water. My throat gets dry. A burning smell assaults my senses. It is suffocating and seemingly overpowering but I know that it is just smoke and all that I need to do is to step out of the way. Just like how I step out of the way when my father-in-law burns dry leaves in the hills of Tambunan. (We shall not go into all that you have done to Sabahans of course. I am tempted to but I will let an original Sabahan to do that).

So, dear Tun. I am stepping out of the way. You will be remembered fondly by me (I hope still). I know I am ending our relationship very soon after I have accepted it but you must see from my point of view too. It has become unhealthy. I can’t manage it and I feel angry. I don’t like this feeling. I know you will not let me go; you are like that; you are possessive and highly opinionated. You will switch on your charm offensive and continue to decide who I am and who I can be.?Frighteningly, you seem to be going on and on and is now even deciding who my children are and can become. No one messes with my children! No one should mess with their generation. Come on la Tun! Leave them be. So, I am taking charge. I will call it a day on our relationship for their and their generations’ sake. Let our mistakes die with us. Let the children of Malaysia live in a country of diversity and inclusivity; where one’s skin colour and belief system becomes a distant second to one’s love and passion for this country. You can rest easy knowing that as for the unwritten ‘social contract, no one is disputing that. Just because someone asks for more focus on inclusivity, it doesn’t mean that they are getting ready to destroy everything. The competitive advantage for this country is its diversity. Multiculturalism is the future. Diversity and multiculturalism needs celebration not more and more separation.

And, Japan is not the best example for everything. They are already in trouble. They just don’t know it yet. I am of course thankful to them for supporting our industrialization process. Not thankful though for getting better than us in football. Those backstabbers!

Thank you for the good things you have done (and there are indeed so many of those). But, good bye. I need fresh, rejuvenating oxygen now. Not choking smoke. My children needs hope and love not the threats and guilt trips. Being a history buff, I know that individuals like you are never black or white and often are contradictory. You will grab at anything to hang on to______(only you can fill in the blank as I have no idea what you are holding on to). You are not that unique really. Great historical leaders are all like that but it is only you who are trying to define who I am and hence, it is you with whom I need to stop having a relationship with. Yes, very unlike our code of ‘sopan-santun’. We don’t break relationships with our elders. Got to make an exception here. Sorry.

So, begitulah Tun. Semoga sihat selalu dan sentiasa ceria. Saya amat terhutang-budi kepada Tun. Tidak terbayar langsung. But we Malaysians… and me in particular…need to move forward. Our children need to move forward. In my eyes and theirs, Malay + Chinese + Indian + Iban + Kadazan + Bajau + Punjabi + Eurasian + Murut + Dusun + Melanau + Lain-lain + everything in between EQUALS Diversity and Strength. They don’t equal to problems and scarcity. Until you start speaking to me.

God bless you Sir. I love you but we shall not talk again. You shall not define me!

I got a whole new generation of talents to build for our economy. I need a?whole new country of diversity and inclusiveness for my children.

Cheerio!

p.s Gonna think who next to break up with!