The Pain Point for the Military Spouse

“I have my freaking Masters in Business yet the only place I can find to work is Starbucks!” It was a common complaint I heard from my fellow Military Spouses aka “Milspouses” at the various duty stations we had. Few of us had realized that by marrying our Prince or Princess Charming, we would essentially see our own respective careers fly off into the wild blue yonder while we PCSd to such exotic locations as Enid, Oklahoma or Valdosta, Georgia…lands of intrigue for sure but with few to no attractive career offerings.

Another issue we often found was with career advancement and progression: how was I supposed to #1 land an ideal job but then #2 be able to KEEP said job if and when “duty called” and Charming was given orders unexpectantly to another location. We often laughed about these “plot twists,” but they were the norm!

Sadly, I often saw my friends and their families make incredible sacrifices, such as tabling their careers for years, even decades, to resurrect them after the military lifestyle was over. Or, they maintain two households: the servicemember at the duty station and the spouse living with friends or family in a better career market. I just heard of a friend’s daughter who is staying based in the US to further her career while her spouse was assigned overseas for 3 years. For myself, it broke my heart to think of choosing a separation as such, but I was also incredibly frustrated that I couldn’t have a noble career of my own.

Fast forward a few years and now Charming and I look something like this: we live in a place we chose, not due to a duty station or even a career, but simply CHOICE (close to a major airport and the ocean with a mild climate). We work together in an office and a business we have built together over 3 years. We’re not where we aim to be financially yet, but are actively building toward it and seeing progress, regardless of how minor, daily.

So, if you were swept off your feet by Charming and are now “stuck” in the wasteland of career opportunity, here are a few ideas to overcome this frustrating season:

• Research industries and seek apprenticeships. 13 years ago, work from home positions were MUCH more rare than they are now. They often came with a “scammy” stigma, or meant that you’d be chained to your desk via corded headset dealing with irate customers all day. But, there were a few bright spots in the options I found that I really dug into and researched the heck out of as to how I could get my feet wet working in those industries and perhaps even work for free if it meant I could gain good experience and add value to an organization. For example: I thought I wanted to be a real estate agent at one point, so got a job as an executive assistant to a realtor. I loved the job and the people (most of them) but determined I did not want to be a Realtor after all. Phew. I got paid to learn this about myself!
• Negotiate! Don’t be afraid to make known what you want. Your creativity and fierce flexibility and work ethic will enable you to get the job done, however unorthodox the work schedule or setup may be. For example, I was able to convince my supervisor to allow me to work remotely even though the job for which I was hired was an in-person position, merely because I proved myself in the early days of the job and above all was very responsive. (The pity factor also helped as I had JUST been hired and then un-hired by another agency when they learned I may be PSCing within the next year). I probably could’ve sued those guys!
• Research and watch and ASK for alternatives: I married someone who thought he would be in the military FOREVER. His grampa had been career military, as had his dad. He was the oldest and so why not? What other option was there? Then I came along and started fussing about the military lifestyle…we came to find out that there was a program at that time that would allow him to join the Reserves part time in order to use the GI Bill to go to school. Hmm…living near the beach in Florida, going to school full time and only having to report to duty 1x/month and 2 weeks a year seemed like a great trade!
• Dig your heels in and do the work. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison. There is NO substitute for digging in and doing the work with Excellence. Once you find that “dream job” or “mother of all opportunities,” don’t be shy about channeling all your pent up frustration into being the absolute best at the position that you can possibly be. I remember volunteering for every bit of sidework or project so that I could prove my work ethic and creativity to the boss who’d given me a chance.
• Start a business! Ultimately, this was the path I chose. Not only did it give my husband and I the chance to exercise our creativity and build something together; it proved to be the only real way for me to control my schedule and advance and be able to grow it from location to location. Plus, I often find that owning your own show can help you generate and scale your income more quickly, even on a part time basis, than a traditional W2.

Regardless which road you take, my encouragement would be to remember that you and Charming are in this together, and they are often just as frustrated as you but have little to nothing they can do about it. It’s important to look at this challenge as a team! For more thoughts on living life by design, follow me at @YourCashflowCouple!

#lifebydesign #militaryspouse #milspouse #couplepower #powercouple