Pain: Only the Fun Kind(s) Though

Pain is something we are not only biologically wired to avoid, but also something that I reckon most of us were socialized to ignore.

Don’t cry. Push through it. Disregard the pain and press on...

I’m actually really good at this when I need to be, and I bet you are, too.

That’s a good thing, because compartmentalization is a required skill if you want to be objectively successful at anything.

The honest truth is that no one could bring calm to a conflict, be present to crisis, push their limits, or achieve excellence in their field if they didn’t have this ability.

But.

There’s always a “but,” isn’t there?

But...

It becomes a problem if this is the only gear we have.

If we only ever run this one play over and over and over, our performance eventually tops out, because there are levels of enjoyment, fulfillment, and performance you can’t get to sheerly through compartmentalization.

And I bet at some level you already knew this.

What most people don’t know is that it’s not really ?a matter of “do” or “don’t” – push pain aside or don’t – it’s more a question of when.

Context determines when it is absolutely best to compartmentalize pain and press through, from times when we never should.

And once you recognize this contextual demarcation, you will feel as if you have a superpower ability to either float through discomfort with composure and ease, or to address it like any other practical business matter in need of a priority and a resource plan – all depending on the context.

To differentiate one context from another, we need to see that there are different kinds of pain:

In my book, The Enjoyment Gap, the idea of pain is front and center. The word is actually used 252 times. This is because some experiences of pain detract from performance and satisfaction, and if you want to achieve more, you have to address them, and expressly not compartmentalize them.

In the book, we talk about physical pain, and how it’s different from non-physical pain.

We also define a very *special kind of pain which is the primary reason for the gap that so many people experience between success and happiness. This kind includes a full spectrum of experiences which, under certain circumstances, can look like disconnection, insecurity, fear, regret, depression, anxiety, and more.

We talk about the misunderstanding that this special kind of pain is somehow necessary for growth, when it’s actually useless to experience over time because it’s completely unnecessary, *except for as a signal alerting us that “something’s wrong, and we need to make a change." And for this reason, lingering in this special kind of pain any longer than necessary is totally useless and holds us back from achieving our dreams.

It isn’t until the last couple of pages of The Enjoyment Gap that I allude to another kind of pain that’s valuable, and important, despite the fact that it doesn’t feel good (hence, why it’s painful...).

This third kind of pain mentioned – the beneficial kind – is when we develop the ability and capacity to empathetically FEEL the stings of injustice, of spite, of callousness, and of others’ suffering.

Today, though, I want to share with you a fourth kind of pain I didn’t mention in the book at all -

One I know you’ve experienced before, which – similar to the last kind of pain I just described above and in the book – is actually unavoidable when we’re truly thriving, and is not something we’d dream of avoiding in the first place.

This other kind of pain is the pain of creation.

The pain of creation is unique from all the other kinds:

Like the exhaustion of working the longest day on something we care deeply about – sore, and tired, and totally satisfied at the same time...

Like a labor of love, where we spend ourselves, even inconvenience or hurt ourselves at times, putting the needs of someone we care about above our own needs and wants...

The inherent tension of watching a work of art come to life...

The agonizing focus on the details when curating an event...

The anticipation of birthing a child...

None of these experiences occur without some type of pain. But there’s no question in our mind that that bitter is a part of the sweet, and we embrace it without question, and instinctively know that that pain adds to the experience of pride, joy, and fulfillment we get to feel.

Now that we’ve defined this fourth type of pain, can you see how impossible it would be to mistake it with the second kind?

It’s “painfully” obvious, right? :)

How can we live more in the types three and four pain?

I’ll save this for another issue of Business Intangibles. but I’ll give you two hints, the second type and the third and fourth types have a relationship with each other, and compartmentalization in the wrong contexts doesn't help.

Something to think about in your weekend and upcoming week!

My name is Mandy, and I’m a performance coach and expert in business transformation.

I specialize in helping clients address issues frequently thought to be unresolvable, and my team supports corporate teams to consistently realize their highest potential in every meaning of the word.

I named this newsletter Business Intangibles. because in it, we will focus on hacking, optimizing, and mastering the unseen, non-physical, underlying reasons for the biggest business challenges we all experience.

Business Intangibles. is a way for me to share information (often in digestible shorts or actionable lists) to help you:

• Lead authentically, lead by example, and bring grace into conflicts
• Increase emotional range and empathy while staying in your authority
• Strengthen your mental and energetic boundaries so you can show up for others even more
• Understand the real reasons for performance issues so you can respond and support your people better
• Cultivate the presence you desire to bring to YOUR TEAM - whatever its appearance

I welcome your thoughts as I continue to write, and what resonates / what creates reactions - good bad and ugly.

I’m excited to provide value, connect, and support you in your journey however I can.

Mandy