THE PAIN OF INFLUENCE

At 8:47am a few days ago, sitting in my study, I got a text message from a very astute lawyer who worked with me at Detail for 5 years and resigned to start a business. The message read:

‘’Dear Mr. Jemide, thank you for being an exemplary leader and teacher. As I plan the next phase of the growth of my business, I realize how much I learnt from you – Excellence, Strategy, Confidence, Drive and Leadership by example. Best wishes always.’’ XYZ (Not the real name)

This message from XYZ was heartwarming and made me reflect on the number of people I have been opportune to lead and mentor in my roles as founder and lead partner. I wondered how many may never send me an appreciative message or have kind words like XYZ’s. ?Could it be my fault? Perhaps, my human imperfections got in the way? ?Then I thought about the burden of leadership and several ways in which leaders inadvertently rub people the wrong way. ?I penned down a few which I will share. And here goes:?

Nuisance Drivers

Leaders are by design deft drivers. Drivers go beyond telling what to do – drivers tell, prompt and nudge until action is taken. Does anyone love to be driven? Perhaps no one, not even those who need to be driven to be saved from themselves.? A lot of leaders are synonyms for the word 'nuisance’ and unfortunately, they cannot help themselves: even if they are ridiculed and vilified, they hold on to their nuisance value firmly. The paradox is that this nuisance value is like a shepherd’s crook which leaders have used to herd many people into greatness over the years.

Bertrand Russell surmised this when he said: “There is an element of the busybody in our conception of virtue: unless a man makes himself a nuisance to a great many people, we do not think he can be an exceptionally good man’’.

Task Managers

Leaders are at their very best, good managers - delegating tasks and responsibilities and not over-supervising. But oftentimes they are not so well behaved when they micromanage or even nano-manage. It is understandably difficult to work with people who are tedious 't' crossers and irritating 'i 'dotters. For many, it comes across as finicky.

Elon Musk speaking with the Wall Street Journal, described himself as a "nano-manager."? ?Note that micro-?means a thousandth of something, while?nano-?means a billionth.

Do you think leaders like Musk love to micro-manage or nano-manage? ?

Elon Musk answered this when he went further to say in the same interview: "I have OCD on product-related issues," Would you want that? ‘’When I see a car or a rocket or spacecraft, I only see what's wrong." "It's not a recipe for happiness."

Certainly, many leaders wished they did not see so many glitches or even if they did, they wished they could ignore them. Can they help themselves? The Chinese philosopher Lao Tsu seems to allude to this quandary when he says: “Mastering others is strength, mastering yourself is true power’’.?

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Good bad example

Leaders are praised for being exemplary, but they are often disliked for showing good examples that challenge many comfort zones. Could a ‘good’ example be considered ‘bad’ because a leader has raised the bar so high that replication becomes a challenge? Could a good example be considered bad because the underlying values of some team members are not synced with the leaders’ values? This plays out brightly in institutions where principles are painted in many shades of grey.?

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Culture

Every institution has custodians of culture who wield a coercive rod to preserve the culture and ethos. Not everyone yields to the culture, some rebel, and others cast the custodians in a bad light. This friction is inevitable and crucial because culture is the bedrock and those who hold it dearly spare nothing to protect it because they understand the famous saying that culture is “what remains when one has forgotten everything.” édouard Herriot (1930)

The Pain

As we all seek to inspire or be inspired, the pain of influencing or being influenced is a reality. ?No wonder Loren Eiseley (from the movie Sky Island) says: ‘’We cannot pluck a flower without disturbing a star.’’