Pain is Inevitable, but Suffering is Optional: Challenging Life’s Unexamined Assumptions

"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so."

—?Mark Twain

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“Stress and struggle are necessary if you want to grow.” “Anxiety and overwhelm? That’s just part of being human.” “You can’t have ease and joy all the time; life’s highs need to be balanced by lows.” “Life is hard.”

Sound familiar? Maybe you’ve found yourself saying/thinking something along these lines.

Many of us accept these ideas as just part of the “human experience,” but have you ever stopped to ask yourself whether they are actually true? Or are they just unexamined assumptions that we’ve followed along with, unquestioned, for far too long?

The longer I play this game, the more I see that suffering of any kind isn’t necessary.

Suffering, stress, anxiety, overwhelm, “hard”, “darkness” … they aren’t inherent to living life, but they are inherent in the messages that we pick up from an early age – and so they come to be accepted, tolerated as part of being human.

Despite what you’ve been told, a life free from unnecessary suffering isn’t just possible — it’s entirely within reach.

Stress and Struggle: Are They Necessary?

I get you’ve got a lot on your plate; you know a thing or two about pressure. You’re juggling deadlines, family obligations, maybe managing a team or a business. So naturally, the idea that stress and struggle are essential for success might seem logical.

A little activation of your nervous system is useful to get out of bed, granted. But so many of us go too far. We live in the red, fuelled by coffee and other goodies, revving at high RPMs all day long (and then wonder why there’s no energy for our family at the weekend, or we’re constantly snappy and irritable, or we crash with disillusionment and want to burn it all down, or we’re continually getting sick/injured.

“I get paid to be stressed”, my brother, a high level banker, once told me. “No you don’t –?you get paid to be responsible”, I replied. There’s a world of difference, isn’t there?

Consider that for an idea –?maybe you can slow down, be calmer and get more things done, correct the first time, and on a much more sustainable, consistent basis –?while enjoying it all?

Here’s another thought:?Does growth truly require suffering?

Stress can feel like a badge of honour in today’s world, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Growth doesn’t demand that you suffer through it. In fact, many people who experience the most profound personal and professional growth do so from a place of joy, curiosity, and ease.

I agree, growth takes being out of your comfort zone, but that doesn’t have to be awful. It all depends on your attitude.

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Take mindfulness, for example.?

It’s something you’re probably already practicing, and it’s a perfect tool to break this cycle of stress. Instead of seeing your responsibilities as a series of battles to fight, what if you approached them with curiosity? Instead of pushing through the struggle, could you flow with the task, being fully present and enjoying the process???

The truth is, when we believe that struggle is necessary, we create resistance. And resistance itself is exhausting. My advice? Dance, don’t struggle.?

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“Anxiety and Overwhelm Are Normal”

Anxiety and overwhelm are unwelcome companions on the journey of life, especially when you’re trying to manage a high-pressure job and a household full of activity.

But what makes this response “normal” is the sheer number of people struggling along with at least low grade jangled nerves and irritability with tight jaws and stomachs. The assumption here is that?“Everyone feels anxious, it’s natural.”?But is it?

Just because it’s statistically normal, don’t make it natural.

Yes, anxiety could be a short term response to certain situations, but?it doesn’t have to be your baseline.?

Ascension, mindfulness, meditation, or even a tai chi/yoga practice can help shift your experience. Rather than accepting anxiety as an unavoidable part of your day, you can train your mind and body to respond differently.

Think about your morning coffee — typically, a time when the to-do list starts running through your head.?

But what if, instead, that moment became sacred? What if you let it be a time of total presence, where you sip, breathe, and focus on nothing but the warmth of the cup in your hands? What if every time you left your cup, you simply returned to baseline coffee?

This simple practice alone, repeated daily, can help you see that anxiety is not normal — it’s just familiar. And you can choose a new familiar, one grounded in peace.

I think the key here is to learn not to let your mind wander. As someone said to me yesterday, “I just realised I couldn’t go there”. And that, with practice, becomes very straightforward, especially with a practice of Ascension.

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“Suffering is Part of Being Human”

This one’s a biggie:?“Suffering is just part of being human. If you don’t suffer, are you really living?”?It’s such a widely accepted notion that most people hardly notice it anymore. But here’s the thing:

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

This is the heart of it. Pain is a part of life. You might feel discomfort, loss, or sadness at times. But suffering — that ongoing mental and emotional turmoil we attach to pain — is something we create. It’s a choice.

Imagine how different life would be if you accepted that pain happens but refused to let it turn into suffering. Instead of stewing in frustration when your workday doesn’t go as planned, what if you accepted the situation, adjusted, and moved forward without the emotional baggage?

You could say, “This situation is painful right now, but I don’t have to suffer over it.”

The distinction between pain and suffering is one of the most empowering ideas you can adopt. It gives you permission to experience life fully — without letting the hard parts drag you down.

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“You Can’t Have Joy and Ease All the Time”

Another belief people love to share is that?“You can’t be happy all the time. Life needs balance—light and dark, joy and sadness.”

Sure, life will bring challenges. But who said joy and ease are limited resources? Who decided you should only be content for a little while before things need to get hard again?

The idea that life is a constant balance between light and dark isn’t a law of the universe; it’s a perspective.?What if joy could be your default state?

Picture this: You wake up, and instead of dreading the long list of tasks, you’re excited. Why? Because you’ve shifted your focus. You’re no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop, no longer bracing for struggle. You expect ease and joy, and you find it, because that’s where your attention goes.

Even when life brings challenges, you don’t have to dive into darkness. You can approach everything with curiosity and light-heartedness, even those tricky moments with your partner or the kids. It’s a perspective shift, and you’re in control of it.

A great question here is: “How can I make this easy?”. You can always make everything easier. You really can. It is a shift in approach.

Stay with me.?

You may think I’m asking you to do the impossible, and/or, “He clearly doesn’t live in the real world”. But what if? What if you could learn to do things radically differently? What if it was a choice, and you can improve on your choice?

Wouldn’t it be worth trying? Some of you will have quit already, but how about you? …What if?

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How to Step Away from Suffering and Into Joy

“How do I actually do this?”

The first step is awareness. Simply noticing these assumptions in action can be transformative. The next time you catch yourself saying, “Well, this is just how it is,” stop. Ask yourself if it really has to be that way.

Ask yourself if what you believe to be the natural order of things is simply an inherited assumption.

In your awareness of what you’re telling yourself and the world, maybe realise these programmes don’t serve you. Maybe you can change them up, however you like.

I know this for certain: Thoughts and words have power. Unexamined, they become things.

You can define life however you wish. You can. It doesn’t have to be any particular way, ever. You get to decide.

Become mindful. Shift your stories. Reframe stress and struggle –?in response to every old reaction, play the game of practicing ease. Be curious, be open, be innocent. Wait and see. Choose something expansive, something bigger –?even if it makes you uncomfortable.?

Your beliefs are a form of comfort blanket.?

They tell you how you are and the world operates. But they’re not you. Don’t mistake that! You are far bigger than any idea. Upgrading your beliefs doesn’t change you, but by golly, it certainly changes your vision of what is possible, as well as the amount of peace you can experience in any situation.

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You Can Choose Ease

The life you want — one filled with peace, ease, and joy — is possible. These unexamined assumptions have been holding you back from fully embracing that truth. But the beauty of it is, you can choose something different.

“Reality is not democratic”, said MSI, my Ascension teacher’s teacher. Just because everyone believes so, doesn’t make it so.

You don’t have to accept that stress, anxiety, and suffering are part of the deal. They’re not.?Pain is inevitable, but suffering is totally optional.

So choose joy. Choose ease. And let that be the story you tell yourself every single day.

Go well

Arjuna

PS.

The reason I practice and teach Ascension is because it’s incredibly powerful in transforming your limiting beliefs and habits.

They simply fade away and life becomes more and more based in the present moment.?

Lovely.

So come along to the course. This one technique will make everything in terms of being more present so simple and obvious.

A rich, deep, alive, connected life can be yours.

25-27 October (7pm start)

Let me know if you’d like details and I’ll get them to you. Talk soon!

If you’ve already learnt –?remember, it’s always free to repeat, and so valuable.

If you can’t make it, how can I help? Make use of me, especially if you feel like you’ve fallen off the wagon of practice, or you’re making it more difficult than you think it should be.

A quick conversation with me will put you back on track in no time.

Get in touch, I’d love to help.