Pain Creates Pain

Pain does not suit our nature

Unfortunately all of us know pain. It is a common - indeed, a universal - experience. None of us like pain. We would all like to be free of pain and naturally try to avoid it. Pain doesn't suit our nature, while happiness does.

When we experience pain, we are always building up resentment for the simple reason that we do not want to be in this state of pain. When we feel unhappy because of some painful experience, it is through this experience of pain that we will start to resent it. This is how pain functions and it behooves us to be aware of pain's psychological?dynamics. Our conventional state of mind will always connect pain to an object, making that object the focus of our resentment. This object could also be ourselves.

Pain is very shocking

Pain is very shocking and therefore we react instantaneously by trying to rid ourselves of it. We try to position the pain, label it, objectify and project it and so on and so forth. Pain creates a tremendous panic inside us. We have to see that sometimes this panic can be so subtle that we are entirely unaware of its presence. Serious honesty, willingness and discipline are required in order to actually see our pain without running away from it.

If we do not see the panic that pain causes - and if we fail to recognize the whole emotional process, all its chain reactions, that are behind pain - then there will never be an end to it. Pain will create more pain until we see the process by which it functions and choose to end it.

For example, people often ask us to do something for them. We might be happy to help them because we like and care for them. Our intentions are good. And so we do it - we do what they ask us to do. But then, almost without warning, we are overwhelmed. There is too much coming our way and we reach a point where we can no longer be helpful. We can't do all that we are being asked to do.

So as we become overwhelmed, and a little resentment will show up. We started with good intentions and kindness but now that is being squeezed into a form of resentment. We have lost our internal space and openness. Despite our effort to be "good," we are experiencing pain.

Pain easily turns into attack

What happens next? Because of the pressure we feel, we will move in the direction of attacking that which we had initially set out to help. But the cause of the pressure is not external but rather internal. It is us. We have fallen for the same lie: believing that which is internal to be external. Why do we do this? In the case of pain we do it because it is difficult to see pain when we are experiencing it. Having an emotion is tantamount to believing that emotion. The moment we experience pain we automatically feel victimized which means that we need a perpetrator. To feel hurt is to feel wronged. That is why when we are in pain we will always attack what we have defined as the cause of our pain, and this is true whether the defining happens consciously or subconsciously.

In other words, to feel wronged is to see oneself as having been wronged. Both lead to condemnation. On the surface level, the form of attack may not look like attack at all, but if we take a closer look we will see it for what it is. In that way, an initially positive act - helping others - turns into a negative experience. This is how we confuse ourselves. Pain is painful and when we feel wronged we feel justified to be in pain. This is a confusion caused by the justification of pain while not seeing the cause. Hurt is always related to an object. Thus, when we are hurt we will hit the object identified as the cause of our hurt. We will hit others, things, or ourselves for that matter. What does that do? It creates more pain. And so the cycle continues.

Through our defense we make pain real

This is why it is so important to be honest with respect to pain. Only through honesty can we can take full responsibility for pain and stop its cyclical nature. To be honest in this way means to look clearly - to really try to see - what is causing our internal painful reaction. Normally the moment we feel pain we run away which prevents us from clearly seeing the cause of our pain, which lies within. By running away we try to defend ourselves against pain but in reality all this form of defense or protection does is foster attack. It has a destructive quality to it because through our defense we have made pain real. Thus, the pain creates more pain. We have justified pain and it is this justification that is so destructive. Pain and resistance (another word for attack) always accompany one another, making it so difficult to see what is really happening.

Being in pain means you see and feel pain and that means our vision is blocked. We do not see well at all! Pain demands so much of our focus and energy. It can absorb us almost entirely. Pain can be very selfish; it is difficult to actually accept that we cause our own suffering. At the same time that is our biggest blessing because it means we are in a position where we can free ourselves from pain altogether. Taking responsibility for how we feel always creates freedom. When we do that we do not try to escape by running off but rather through facing and thus dissolving the pain.

Maintaining a cycle of misery

For example, let's say that somebody hits us in the face. The hitting itself is not the pain - that is just an action. The pain is our response. The action of hitting is not our pain; it is the pain of the other. Now, if we choose to hit back because we are feeling pain, then we are only maintaining a cycle of misery. Taking responsibility for how we feel is a way of becoming responsible for our response to pain so that we can choose intelligently what to do with it.

If we realize that we are the cause of our own pain then we will not justify pain by blaming others, projecting it and all of those ineffective techniques. In order to stop the chain reaction we have to understand that we shouldn't judge pain or justify it in any way. Judging pain is justifying it because the moment we judge it we are manifesting its continuation. But if we can see that we are the cause of the pain, then there is no judgment involved. Judgment is not needed in order to see that pain is simply a form of our response to something.

Pain contains a tremendous amount of energy

Thus, pain is actually a great opportunity for personal growth. It contains a tremendous amount of energy and potential for powerful transformation. The direction of the transformation is up to us. If we are shut down with respect to pain then we will create more pain. If we are open to it, then we will naturally dissolve it. The stupid ?thing is that pain generally makes us contract because we believe that being open makes us more vulnerable. We consider being open dangerous in terms of pain. But I do not believe that we experience pain in relation with others because we are open. I believe we experience pain because we are not fully open. And because we are not fully open, there is still some negativity or contraction left inside of us that will resonate with negativity coming from external sources. If we could be aware of that fact then we could instantly free ourselves of pain. We always believe that when someone says something unkind or does something unjust, that our pain is a reasonable response to their unkindness or injustice. We can only see the direction of their self to our self. But that is not an accurate view of reality. In reality, we feel pain because something inside of us is resonating a certain way with something outside of us. Thus, it is altogether within our control.

Pain makes us blind

That pain creates pain is the most normal thing on the planet because only a few of us succeed in stopping this chain reaction of emotions. Pain, like all emotion, makes us blind and for that reason pain is very dangerous for our well-being and state of mind. If we do not see that the cause of all pain lies within us then we will continue to act like a blind man who stumbles over every obstacle, always blaming others for putting those obstacles there in the first place. If the blind man could see then he would not have stumbled at all. When we carry pain with us we are like broken glass, always at risk of hurting ourselves or others. This is why we have great responsibility to free ourselves of pain. Taking responsibility for how we feel is the act of fully acknowledging that we are the cause of our own pain and consequently also possess the deep desire to dissolve pain without holding anyone or anything in any way responsible. We know that freedom from pain is all about our response. If we accept that we cause our own pain then we will never feel justified in blaming and harming others. In that way, we bring to an end the chain reaction of pain and suffering. We refuse to strike back at both gross and subtle levels.

Taking responsibility is the best way to protect youself

If we are not careful, the experience of pain can make us lose love and respect very easily. Taking responsibility for the way we feel is the best way to protect ourselves from these outcomes. It means that we will neither cause nor carry any more pain either for ourselves or for others and thus also not care more about our own pain than about the pain of others. It helps a great deal to remind ourselves that only those who suffer pain can create pain for others. It makes no sense to hurt others unless we are confused and in pain. Seeing this can stop our own confusion as well as our own pain.

Anyone that harms us must by definition be in pain. If we counteract with our pain then we plant a seed for future pain. The goal of taking responsibility is to free ourselves of pain instead of judging or justifying it which always manifests it. We need to remember that the biggest obstacle for taking responsibility is pain and the only way out of pain is taking responsibility.

Awareness is vital

The effect of taking responsibility for how we feel is always twofold. We create internal space for ourselves and thus as well for others. We cannot experience an inner space while not having space for others and this is true regardless of the so-called space that others may grant us. By reducing and resolving our own pain there is a greater chance of healing external pain as well. This is why awareness is so vitally important. It helps us develop?insight into pain and suffering that leads to a single intention: bringing all suffering to an end. We are not only talking about our pain here, but the end of all pain - the pain of all beings. If we honestly and seriously take care of dissolving our own pain then we will automatically be helping others dissolve their pain. This happens because we will no longer hold them responsible for our pain and thus won't use it to attack them, which always causes more pain. In this way, we generate space for others to heal from their pain.

If we were only interested in releasing our own suffering then we would not be taking responsibility. But when we do take it, we take care of others without harming or condemning them. We no longer want them to suffer.

It is important to keep in mind that letting go of pain is not the same as the denial of justice or injustice. If we believe this, it will be an impediment to effectively take responsibility. Letting go of pain is entirely independent of justice and injustice. If something unjust happened to us, that is bad enough. It would be more unjust and unfair for us to suffer from it. So that is a decision we make.

Dissolving pain has to be complete

Dissolving pain has to be complete. It must be total. We have to be completely finished with our investment in it. As long as we experience pain we will create a perpetrator which inevitably leads to future pain because we have made pain real. The opposite happens when we take responsibility for how we feel. We free ourselves of being a victim and we free others of becoming perpetrators. Thus, we are liberated together.

Another problem with pain is that is always feels justified. Pain has a natural quality of justification. This can be very subtle, even in cases where we blame ourselves for having caused the pain. The problem with emotions is that they always justify themselves. The simple fact of experiencing an emotion is already its justification. We need to be aware in order to escape this trap of justification. This is a decision. The experience of pain is always the result of judgment. The response of pain is itself a judgment and a condemnation. Thus, pain is the result of condemnation. First we condemn ourselves for feeling pain and then we condemn others by projecting the pain onto those whom we perceive as its cause.

Thinking in these terms - so black and white, so right and wrong - are sure to keep us imprisoned. Yet seeing that we are the cause of pain will undo all wrong and all pain associated with it. This insight is the dissolution of all pain, both internal and external. We fool ourselves if we believe that we can take full responsibility and still be in pain.

Essay on pain from the book SLave To the King by Janine Schimmelpenninck

https://naturalskills.nl/