P-IV Applying Self-disclosure Method with the Adolescents’ toward Self-respect and Self-awareness

During struggle in a socio-political environment of favoritism and nepotism, rival forces may block the progress, particularly the higher you go, the harder it becomes, but persistence with self-love and turning energy into fighting under the survival of the fittest ultimately provides one with final victory and another golden star to life achievements. I have found that the higher level of achievers keep self-accountability with reason before planning and hitting the targets of life, as it will make you sharper to address your challenges. There is mental strength when a person is in touch with the supreme Authority and looks for His support through prayers and patience as given in, When you call and remember, so do I presented in V-2:152,” Therefore remember Me (by praying, glorifying, etc.). I will remember you, and be grateful to Me (for My countless Favours on you) and never be ungrateful to Me.”, and take support of Allah through prayers V-2:153,” O you who believe! Seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer). Truly! Allah is with As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.)”. When people asked the Holy Prophet how near is Allah, He replied that He is too close to you as revealed in V-2:186,” And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright”. An individual born with influential ancestors seems to proceed over the deprived one, as a result of which the privileged person psychologically has dependent weaknesses in comparison to a self-made person who locates sources himself. The pursuit for success and survival under strains develops a psychological pattern to maintain an upper hand in life.

Today, I could not imagine how, why and what way my Lord blessed me with the insight to keep on the track to my present state of setting four times better than my predecessors in Pakistan and then reverting to USA with unimaginable dreams turned into a real form. My only intention to disclose this personal picture of life is to share the secret of success with disappointed but energetic adolescents who, primarily in the age of stress and storm, are derailed by a magnified force which can be turned into a supreme uncontrollable force when it is given the shape of a goal-directed energy, and can produce ten times more positive output then an ordinary person. Secondly, when this energy is derailed and converted by an attention-seeking person, the same adolescent can become a dangerous terrorist, psychopath and disastrous human being. The success lies within a person when an individual understands himself and contacts it for unfolding the cloudy thoughts and wishful thinking, and is then set with small, easily- achievable goals to promote a concentrated self. I will suggest the readers to study the surahs Al-Shoura V-42, which present insight and guidance about the complete picture of human struggles and Allah blessings under hardships. Qur’an also reveals the psychological support and encouragement to be strong and never be disappointed from the blessings of Allah who tests the true believers under hardships (V-2:214, V-10:44, V-22:62, V-46:19). So, one should follow the key rule of Qur’an as reviewed in V-11: 115,” And be patient; verily, Allah loses not the reward of the good-doers.”

The lesson in my success is based on taking calculated risks in life after thoroughly understanding the various aspects of the environment, self-assessment with the caution of negative results also. One should take the responsibility of both success and failure as they are the two sides of the same coin, so one should be ready to face a failure also happily as it is one’s own decision and nobody has pushed the person toward a target goal. I never waste time in just worrying, but put my energy in the goal with the Tawakal of Allah as He blesses a person according to his struggle (V-53:39-41). He control all the overt and covert factors in a goal, I may be aware of the apparent factors but not of hidden (covert) factors which play a key role toward an action in life, which is the reason no one so far has been able to save himself from the reality of death or life. During my hard time of going to America for my Ph.D., people laughed at me: even the families of my uncle and aunts passed remarks and ridiculed my wishful planning but I listened and became more aggressive in my goal. In all conditions, I always conducted self-appreciation of my achievements as it is the energy of the integrated self which bounces back from hardships. Secondly, I found that self-criticism is self failure in life and those who ridicule or criticize you are the worst enemy of a person as they take revenge from you and are jealous that you may supersede them. I took help of praying and lesson of patience for a good reward (V-16:126-127). Thirdly, remain persistent with Tawakal of Allah, sharp in observing and seeking available resources (nature provides it without any distinction to all in time and space), and even stronger belief in the backing of the Almighty empowering a person, which is historically proven in the Muslims’ victory over the four times well-equipped forces in the battle of Badar. Fourthly, using time and space according to one’s skills is very important to charge energy for the target goals. Prior to leaving USA, while working as a lecturer, I was known among my relatives and friends as the king of vacation but there was a change in my life after professional training. It has given me an edge over all my rivals in that I constantly use 12 hours per day throughout the year in all seasons and weekends on my job, psychotherapy, and the remaining in psychological testing or talks and writings. Qur’an reminds us of this phenomenon in surahs Al-Asar. Fifthly, by nature, a human being must realize that he is a unique creation of the Almighty Allah. As he is one so each one in his entity is only one in the universe and none can be like him. Now it is up to him how he proves his unique self through his deeds by working on his goals, otherwise he will have to pay the price by cutting down his self-worth and dignity for others’ pleasures and personal motives (V-6:165). So, instead of imitating others, the individual must act proudly and not bow or depend on others than his Lord for the blessings of uniqueness and develop an inner bond of self-acceptance to act out powerfully on the goals and sources before him. People mostly use praising others as a tool to get physical, monetary, or social benefits. Those who wish to be praised or admired by others are psychologically foolish, insecure and weak themselves with a poor self-concept. Virtually, if a person does not accept or like him then how would others like him till they have a personal motive in exhibition? Sixth, never be worried about the enemies’ remarks or people’s criticism burning as they will be burnt up with your silence and precautions style. Just convert your scattered energy by putting in your present goal, record ifs and buts, be a good observer, a good listener and then open to the distressed creature. At leisure time, share with the parents, life partner or trusted friends as it is a psychological method of catharsis to ease mental pressure. Sevenths, never try to be perfect in any affairs of life including the practices of faith as only one Allah has the attributes of being all-perfect. Be happy and relax, enjoy the present blessings of Lord with contentment. So, prepare to tackle the goals with mental peace. Make life easy and try with a relaxing mood but concentration to thank the Lord who empowered you over other people, so He will be more close and generous to His Creature (V-31:20) and never become crazy to hold power over all the sources. It is ironic to note that even if a person has houses, lands, wealth, suits, plenty of food etc., at the most physically, he needs only one dress, limited food for the stomach and a place to sleep while all the others are waste for which he committed corruption and remained so worried of loss that heavy dosages of medicine become useless for natural sleep or peace in life. Is it not ironic that such a person having everything has nothing as he was born naked having nothing, gained a lot but leaves the world with empty hands only? It is important to develop self-respect through feelings of self-belongingness. It is the key to life’s success as it creates self-authenticity and self-power. Self with Tawakal is your boss, unlike a common person who borrows support, has created a weak and poor self-concept, always has dependency, and survives on praising others to gain fuel to charge his life.

Finally, one must have devoted concentration in regular practicing of prayers. One must create intensive self-control with a strong bond to Allah, which is also strengthened by sharing and helping the needy and deserving people in life as it will create peace as well as a sense of security with self-appreciation of humanity. Avoid acting like a prideful person as He dislikes it (V-4:36) as He is aware of all intentions (V-11:123) and He is the provider to those who trust Him (V-3:159), and provides chances (V-4:81). Moreover, He does not like the liar and the thankless who claim that all their achievements are due to their own struggle (V-39:3). Those who just follow their own self and wishes, lose the track of right path (V-4:27), acting like animals and not caring for the sufferings of other (V-25:43-44). So the Lord empowered only those with insight as a light and source who contribute their gains to overcoming the sufferings of other fellow human beings, such achievers feel contented by Allah to have control on their scattered thoughts. In order to get a reward, one has to work as Allah does not work for a person, rather He provides insight. In the process of struggle, patience is important as He tests his creatures but never gives more suffering but accordingly in life (V-2:286), as He blesses with justice according to ranks (V-46:19). A self-made person is always superior as he builds on a mechanism of handling crises with his own self while those who get status, power, wealth and status through back door supports are like weak walls that can be smashed at any time and, being corrupt, they look for excuses and worldly lords for support to survive in life.

Before concluding my self-exposure, I wish to make it clear that Allah is quite fair in His rules, so He provides the fruit of labor of each person irrespective of sex, religion, or caste but on the Day of Judgment, there will be the accountability of each person of how and what he earned, how and where he spent it and what (deeds of charity/humanity) he has brought from the life on Earth. So, the more one gain, the more accountability will be done. That becomes a warning to those who hoard through corruption, playing with the rights of other, use unfair means and do not share their excessive wealth with the poor, sick, weak and deprived people.

In short, the formula of success in the life of a Muslim is based on the principles of Qur’an that patience and praying in time of crisis strengthens human intentions and empowers one to work rigorously to achieve targets in life affairs (V-2:45-46 &153). In fact, the Qur’an reveals that a nation cannot change its state if the people do not struggle intentionally to bring a change within themselves (V-8:53) and people should always be thankful to Lord for His blessings in life (V-53:3). During hard times, besides regularly reciting the Holy Book and following daily prayers with devotions, I used to ask mental supports like V-54:10, “Nuh prayed I am weak against other so help me”.

                                                                                               End.

                                               **********************