Owning Your Uniqueness

If we were all meant to be the same, think the same, and behave the same, then we would have all been created equal. But we haven't.

The same as others are not you, then you are not them either.

You can't force our own lens on others. The same as they can't do to you.

You can't force yourself to either disagree or agree with me. You either do, our you don't.

Conforming feels like one of the dangers of our times. I resist it. For me it's a case of doubling down and embracing your own uniqueness.

Every snowflake looks the same from a distance but you zoom in and they are all unique. Just like every human being is too. You have your own values, beliefs, strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes it can serve to be aware of your values and to question your beliefs. Then it may serve you better to focus on your strengths

I love this quote from Dan Sullivan who is the world's leading entrepreneurial coach

If you spend too much time working on your weaknesses, all you end up with is a lot of strong weaknesses

We downplay our strengths because they come natural to us. We are more aware of our weaknesses as our ego's notices it more and shines more of a spotlight of attention on it. People usually are quick to draw attention to your weaknesses. Less quick to highlight your strengths.

It can serve a purpose to at least be aware of our weaknesses and to watch that they don't take away from your strengths. You're never though, going to win out against somebody else whose unique strength is a weakness of yours. To use a football analogy Lionel Messi, arguably the GOAT in the football world hardly ever used his right foot did he? He could have spent hours working on his right foot for marginal gains. Instead he perfected that wand of a left he had.

In reality the photo I picked for the article should have a flock of sheep blessed with all different kinds of colours and shades in it, as we are all different. The black sheep gets a bad rap but stands out because there are too many just following the flock through fear.

I can respect somebody who is totally different to me, even if we are miles apart in how we view the world and how we live our lives. It's not my place to judge at the end of the day.

They might not get you, and you don't get them. For a while growing up I didn't even get myself but got a harsh lesson about the importance of embracing my own uniqueness as a young professional footballer at Manchester United.

I was sensible, quiet, a thinker, less animated, maybe easy going but serious with it too. I liked spending time in my own company. I still do. I sometimes feel lonelier amongst a crowd. I'm in in my element when I'm in flow obsessing about stuff.

Our winger was the complete opposite. He was jack the lad, he didn't think too much. He was full of jokes and banter and a bit of a loveable rogue. He couldn't sit still for a minute and was loud. He wasn't studious, or obsessive.

I wanted to be more like him. I wanted to be him

Despite our differences we got on. I remember spending a weekend with him and his family once and his Mum said "I wish he was more like you". He made daft decisions sometimes. He was forgetful. He was a bit unstructured. His Mum longed for him to rein it in a bit

I remember thinking believe me he doesn't want to be more like me.

A few years later I had to retire from professional football. He was still in the professional game and was on loan at a Championship club. I got a call from him on a Wednesday night "Come out in Birmingham with me tonight Rhod". I couldn't as I had work the next day.

On the Saturday he had died after making a rash decision to drive back to London while over the limit. His car collided with a lorry. Game over.

I loved the way he was but for that moment he would have benefitted from being more like me and a bit more sensible. Yet he was uniquely himself for his 21 years on earth. David Beckham, who had left Man United to Real Madrid, even flew back to attend his funeral.

For you to try and be someone else you need to be in their shoes 24/7 for a long span of time before making that decision. Impossible from the off. We glorify others and downplay our selves. We see the mundanities and the strife in our own life and don't see it others. This is the human predicament. We see others as a blank slate while our slate feel full of scribbles.

Maybe my dear friend longed silently to be more like me at times. I wouldn't have known. Nobody is a mind reader.

My friend actually played for the Manchester United first team on one occasion. He had to borrow someone's else's boots having forgot to pack his own! Typical him.

I've attempted to embrace my own uniqueness since his passing. That uniqueness is what allows me to write this article. Embracing my love of words and the flow and rhythm of sentences. My friend would have been playing on his games console and singing along to some dance tune.

Walk steadfast and resolutely in your own boots. Don't forget to bring them of course!