Owning My Story

In the times we are in today, it is more vital than ever that we stick together and engage in each other's stories. I am no different than you. A young, passionate individual exploring the world of business, technology and all that the world has to offer for those that want to keep learning. But more important than my career is a commitment I place on family and the values instilled through them. I have been raised to be a young man of character, integrity and I hold myself to a high ethical and moral standard. As I am just getting back into the market, I have been struggling and at times I wonder how I got here. However, the other day as I was peeking into my journal (Yes I journal!), I wrote an entry that reminded me of my foundation and who I am and where I've come from. And it sure has been a long journey!

So let's take a look inside shall we?

I still remember like it was yesterday. I was 22 years old. I had no idea what "adults" meant when they said the world is a cruel place. It does not serve mercy on a plate, nor does it support those that have not built the resiliency required to combat failure or difficult outcomes. I learnt that night that life has a way of enabling you to grow up whether you want to or not.

If I remember correctly, it was March or April 2012. I was in my third year of college and the finals were fast approaching. I was anxious, nervous, uncertain even. I took a walk by the stars. I remembered my grandma's voice as she said stress less, finish more. Think less, accomplish more. She was truly a woman of conviction and one to believe in action before all else. She was my pride, my heart, my support system. I knew I would see her again and tell her how much she meant to me. As I was circling around, I wondered how I would do on my exams. Would I succeed and bring that pride and sense of accomplishment home to my family? Or would I just be a "Black Horse?"

As I circled some more, I got a call. 2 in the morning. A call from... my mom. Instinct led to anxiety and anxiety led to fear. Why was she calling me at this time? It so happened that we had got a last minute flight to India. It was my grandma. She was dying. Terminal lung cancer they said. A few hours at most was what she may have had. Doctors worked ferociously but she had been at war. A fight against cancer for over 13 months.

I still remember that night like it was yesterday. I remember growing up. I remember facing life and understanding a fundamental truth about existence -- no event lasts forever. No sun shines forever. And I too have learned to believe the same goes for adversity. I have come a long way from those days but somewhere in my heart I still know she is watching over me as I stare up at the stars.

I have learnt so much and I have a long way to go. I understand that now. I continue to pursue my dreams and strive for accomplishment. Not just for myself but for the both of us. Growing up, she was my second mother. My mother struggled to balance profession and family life because it was not easy doing a PhD, working and coming home on time to spend with us.

My grandma's round tummy was all I had grown to know. She would tell me stories and watch as I tucked away into her big grandma-like arms. She was my chef, my companion, my best friend. I'm sure when I lost her, I lost a part of myself. And yet when I look up at the stars every night, I am reminded that nothing was lost that night. Just my pride and my ego. An ego that said things would always be like this. Perfect, peaceful and without struggle.

But it created a new version of myself that I continue to discover and grow to love and admire. Every moment I live, every moment I work on myself is a moment of devotion and commitment I make towards her and the effort she put into raising me as well as the love and nurture that I received from her. From childhood memories with my grandma to fighting for my first job to continuing to make myself known and established in the cutthroat world of business, technology and the intersection of it all; I have undergone a transformation like none other.

I have a vision. I have a roadmap. And I know I will succeed. I have a beautiful support system. Even after her passing, I never truly felt alone. They say the universe takes one angel to give you many more. I have found my angels in a few friends, family members and the rest the stars that watch over me. I grow, I prosper, I flourish. I become increasingly spiritual over time as I strive to defeat the ego and embrace gratitude. With less personal wants and needs, I make space in my heart to serve others and focus on inviting the universe to shine me with its light.

I AM READY. I AM READY TO DO MY PART. Because the time has come. For me to serve and fulfill my life's purpose. I will continue to discover aspects of myself I did not know existed and I will continue to pick up where she left off. She raised me to think of others before myself. And in doing so, I continue growing in my journey to become an empowering leader - not a manager, not a boss, but a servant leader. One that leads by serving others. One that takes the next step by thinking about all those around me, their needs and the impact I can have with my footprint.

My footprint on my family, my friends, my neighbors and ultimately this world that I choose to impact by being alive. By embracing spirituality. And always continuing to pursue the right things in an integration between the light and my shadows. To understand that there is good and bad in all that I discover - the yin and the yang. And as I continue to draw my strength from multiple parts of my psyche, I am able to do what I was meant to do. Fulfill my commitment to my grandma and be a positive driving force for this world, this universe and all those that preside within it.