Owner vs Victim

This one principle has been so life-changing for me that I start all my coaching by focusing on being a victim or an owner. Once you understand this you will see that at any stage you are either “being” a victim, or you are “being” an owner. If you understand this principle you will never approach anything the same again.?

In certain situations, it can in the beginning be difficult to acknowledge. Once you have this awareness, you will then see how empowering it is.

Let's have a look at the owner. The owner has a certain way of thinking and understands that they create everything. They own their own life. Owners understand that things don't happen to them. It's a way of thinking that's very empowering. Owners will look to the future and create their life, and victims will speak about the past. Victims will be very focused on solving the past.

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself- George Bernard Shaw

Owners understand that everything is a decision. Victims think that they have no choice, everything is happening outside of them. Owners take full responsibility for everything that they do, they own every situation.

Owners get to create the world that they live in. If there is a situation in your environment, you get to choose what you do with that. Owners choose what they want to bring into existence. This type of person has chosen this state of being.

“Owners focus on what they want. Victims focus on what they fear. And both positions are pure internal invention.”- Steve Chandler

The other type of person is the victim. Victim type of person does not take responsibility for their reactions to a situation, instead, they blame everything outside of them. They do this out of habit. A victim type of person has this idea that everything is happening to them, it's the other person or the situation that's causing all of this.

Often times being a victim shows up very subtly but there are ways of seeing it or identifying if a person is being a victim. One way is by the language a person uses. The owner has different thoughts so the owner uses different language. The owner understands that everything is happening for me, not to me.?

No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself- Friedrich Nietzsche

The owner takes everything that is happening and asks “What can I learn from this?” The owner asks “How can I use this?” The owner understands that everything in life and everyone in life is there to teach them something.

Victims have thoughts of its just the way I am, life is messed up, the world is a disaster or the world is unfair. Victims tend to think that life in general is unfair. Victims will look at others and say they had it easy. Victims will almost expect that things should be easy. Everything is out there for them.

Victims tend to program themselves like this. The fact is that you can program yourself to be a victim or an owner. Either way, you are being programmed. A victim will say things like, “That's life?” or “O well, what can you do?”

To sum up, the owner creates what they want, they believe life is happening for them. The victim believes things are happening to them and they don't have any control.?

The secret is that you are always creating. If you are not doing this consciously then you are doing it subconsciously. If you can see just this you can start stepping into creating something new for yourself.

This is where coaching is life-changing. When I first meet with a new client I want them to understand that you are either being a victim or an owner. It's about who you are being, not who everyone else is being. At first, this awareness can be difficult. Once the person can see this then all of a sudden we can start seeing options, and possibilities that were not visible before. Then creativity kicks in and all of a sudden they are creating something new in their life. This is the life-changing power of being an owner.

Owners will always walk away from situations with something. Perhaps they learned something or perhaps they learned what does not work. Owners say things like, this is what I learned, this is what I realized from this, this is the mistakes I made, this is what I got from it or this is what it taught me.?

Owners understand that growth happens in the uncomfortable, in the situations we perceive as negative. Victims will say things like, “Oh well that was a waste of time” whereas owners will know it's never a waste of time, they will take something from every situation.?

I often see this in the victim when you offer to help them or offer your services as a gift, they will say things like “Thanks for the offer but I can't pay you so there is no point or you don't have to inconvenience yourself, maybe next time”. When I hear that I hear don't worry about poor old me!?

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” —?Ralph Waldo Emerson

You will also hear victims say things like, I am trying to get through this or trying to get through that. Owners do one thing at a time and they are focused, they understand the value of slowing everything down.

Victims are always trying to just get through things. They will say things like, “ Things are tough but I am getting through it” or they will say things like “Everything is fine”. Another word you will hear a victim use is “should or I should do this or I should do that” It's not very intentional, it also implies that there is no choice or that you have to do things to live up to others' expectations. That's how a victim goes through life, victims tend to worry about what others think of them.?

Victims will always be explaining why things can't be done or why they can't change something. Here are a few more things victims will say:

• I will try!
• It's not my fault!
• This always happens to me!
• I am swamped!
• I am overwhelmed!
• It's always the same!
• Same old, same old!

The owner will say things like “I want to or I choose to”. They might not like doing it but they choose to do it now. They might want to do it now so they can do something else. The difference is they own it! They are not a victim of what they need to do. The owner understands that they will need to do things that they don't enjoy but they choose to do it anyway, that's ownership.

Victims walk around all day with these thoughts and use this uninspired, draining language which then causes them to feel that way. Being this way drains the body of energy.

A great question you can ask yourself in every situation is:

Am I being an owner or a victim?

Connect With Me!

I often get asked "What do you do?" The short answer is "I help my clients solve problems"

If you have any questions feel free to connect with me.