Own your emotions

Someone shared this TED talk by Dr Susan David with me over last weekend. The title had me intrigued and curious as it spoke about emotional courage

https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_david_the_gift_and_power_of_emotional_courage

This talk opened my eyes to a very vital aspect of human behaviour which often gets neglected- the acknowledgement of emotions and understanding the vital messages that they carry for us.

I also have been reading up on the concept of Human Shadows and how they are formed (strongly recommend this book (Owning your own Shadow https://www.amazon.in/Owning-Your-Own-Shadow-Understanding-ebook/dp/B00B72CFQW). As this book says, Shadows are aspects of our personality which we do not own up to fully. By definition these are more likely to be negative traits than positive, though sometimes it might even be the best parts of ourselves which we do not want to be associated with. Shadows result in people showing up as only what is “desirable” while not acknowledging the “unacceptable” aspects of their own personality.

 What dawned on me as I put the TED talk and the book together was that one leads to the other. When we judge our emotions and do not participate in them fully, instead choosing to deflect, defend or numb ourselves, we create a fertile ground for shadows to be born. These unaddressed emotions become maladaptive store houses of energy which in a way are orphaned in our psyche. This results in inauthentic behavior and absence of emotional completeness.

On the other hand, as people get familiar with recognizing, understanding, accepting and working with their own emotions we create a space for greater tolerance, diversity and self-actualization. Needless to say this results in more authentic connections, first within and then outside.

The journey towards this starts with each of us as individuals. A few questions that might be worthwhile asking

“Am I truly in touch with my own emotions?”

“Do I judge myself when I feel sad, angry, guilty etc.? What lies beyond this judgement?”

“Are there aspects of my own personality that I am in denial of?”

“What are my emotions telling me, what’s the direction they want me to take?”

More on this later as I introspect further. Thanks for reading, keen to hear your perspective!

Postscript: The recent lunar eclipse was a shining (or maybe dark!) example of how we deal with shadows as a society. While there was much curiosity and excitement over the once in a blue moon occurrence, there was equal amount of fear, trepidation and superstition around it. What aspects about our own earth are we projecting outwards on the moon by not calling it an earth eclipse; after all we are the ones creating the shadow, think about it!