Own the Room or Clients, Staff & Others Will

Legacy. Life. Lessons:? Navigating 50 Years of Experiences

Own the Room or Clients, Staff, & Others Will

As a young, ambitious tax accountant, I was interviewing an affluent elderly couple.? Almost immediately, they intimidated me, taking over the session, constantly interrupting, shouting? questions or comments, laughing at me, seemingly delighting in pushing me around.? “Just how long have? you been doing this?” they sneered.? It was a nightmare and I was at a loss what to do.? Nervously anticipating more verbal beatings, I then told them sheepishly, apologetically the fee.? Can you believe the wife rose dramatically the conference table and screamed at me!? I felt like I was George Costanza in a Seinfeld comedy scene.? Undercharging for my services just to get them out the door, it was a lesson on the importance of “owning the room.”

Owning the room is more commonly associated with keynote speaking to a large audience. ?There seems to be an intangible aura around successful, entertaining speakers that captivates everyone they meet. Not just speakers, but there are others who, when they walk into a room,? they just seem to "own" it. They don't necessarily shout the loudest or wear the flashiest attire, yet their presence is palpable. They exude confidence, competence, and charisma. I am also sure you recall terrible speakers, where you spent more time scrolling on your cell phone than listening or have met bores at function you could not wait to dump. ?

Understanding What Owning Meant

I remember feeling knots in my stomach attending business or social gatherings feeling like I didn’t belong, and I did not measure up.? Invited to a breakfast of very influential and successful business and political leaders, I remember slinking into the room, quietly sitting at the far end of the room, hoping I wouldn’t be noticed.? I would sit quietly at committee meetings afraid to contribute.? How could I possibly add meaningfully to any conversation they had?? They were more successful and knowledgeable than me.

The same with conducting staff meetings. There always seemed to be a challenge by staff that I would allow to divert the conversation in an entirely different direction from the agenda or at times, question my judgement or authority.? Lacking in giving proper direction and control, in the end, nothing would be accomplished and everyone would feel the meeting was a waste of time.

Slowly, I realized that making the room mine is more than just giving a great speech or running an efficient and valuable staff or client meeting.? The need arises daily and not only in business: You still have to deal with difficult plumbers, lousy service at a restaurant, or arranging for a medical appointment with a young snotty receptionist.? And family:? Anyone have a teen at home?

Many years later, when I looked forward to client meetings, business meetings, staff or management meetings, and daily life challenges, I would stride into the room and confidently take charge or participate.? The room became mine.? How?

Conquering The Inner Critic

With mentors and coaching and some victories, I began to understand the concept of "owning the room".? After years of banging my head against the wall with challenging or demeaning encounters, not nailing down prospects, poor staff meetings, angst at business meetings and the realization that people are attracted to those that have an aura of authority, knowledge, experience, listening skills and empathy, the light finally turned on: This was “owning the room.”??

Perhaps I was a bit slower than most as I was in my mid-forties before I got there.? I realized that it was not simply about being dominant or being the center of attention. It was about a deep-seated self-assuredness that emanates from within, the “conversations” you have with yourself, that “inner voice” that so powerfully influences everything you do in life:? How you live your life, even the amount of success you have.??

Having experienced such challenges firsthand and getting help, the pathway to making the room yours became clearer. It started with “reshaping” our inner voice.

Confronting the Inner Critic and Reshaping the Inner Voice

Everyone has an unceasing, judgmental, and for the most part, an ungenerous inner critic. It's that voice inside that tells us we aren't good enough, aren't smart enough, or don't belong. Over time, this critic can become so dominant that it influences our behavior in significant ways. It can make us shrink back, second-guess our expertise, our worth, and even force us to settle for less for our services.? ?The first step to owning any room is to constantly confront and challenge this voice: “I am a competent and seasoned professional,” “I know how to give great value to this client,” “I am just as worthy to be here as these influential and successful business people.”

I confronted and reshaped mine by:??

·?????? Surrounding myself with excellent coaches

·?????? Meditating a bit each morning on how my day was going to unfold, who I was meeting and how I wished those meetings to go

·?????? Reviewing the meetings at the end of the day and pondering what I could have done better

·?????? Congratulated myself when the encounters where great!

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The realization that one's value isn't contingent on the validation of others is pivotal: It is with yourself.? Kapil Sharma Kush, a leadership and public speaking coach, recently posted in an article “There will always be someone who won’t see your worth.? Don’t let it be you.”

Enjoy the Journey!

Owning the room is a journey, not a destination. It's a constantly and often going process of self-affirmation, resilience, and growth. By reshaping our inner voice, recognizing your inherent value, and nurturing a strong sense of self-belief, we can stand tall in any setting, confidently knowing that we belong. Hey, and remember to lighten up and laugh along the way!