Own the criticism you get!

This is my mum, Jennifer Khor and she is a force of nature.?She came to Australia from Malaysia, as a 21-year-old, with no friends, family or community with the pressure of being the first-born child on a scholarship to study nursing.??My mum doesn’t talk much about her difficulties in her life, she prefers to be grateful and focus on what she has and what she can do, but she did tell me once that she cried for a long time when she first arrived.

My mother, like most parents wants the best for her children, grandchildren and wider family, but also like most parents, her opinions, can sometimes sound like criticism and can be hurtful. Although this is never her intention, sometimes people’s opinions of us hurt.

My mother has taught me a lot of things, work ethic, sense of family, accountability, independence but also, how to own the criticism you get.?One of the most powerful tools we can develop as individuals and leaders is how to give and receive feedback.

The other night, my 14-year-old was in the kitchen making his rolls for the following days lunch whilst I was on the couch talking to him and playing wordle.??“Thank you for the way you have raised me” he says.?“Why?” I ask, a little surprised.

“Well, Mama (my mum) says you are a good businessperson but you are a terrible housewife, and she in angry that you make us do so much for ourselves.”?She says “you and Uncle Michael never did anything at home when you were young and you turned out OK. She doesn’t think we should have to do so much”

“What do you think?” I asked

He laughs “I told her that you are making us independent and that is a good thing”

At first I was in shock and hurt at being criticised. My mother just wasn’t criticising my homemaking skills, but also my parenting skills. My next thought was “I own this!!!”

My parents came to Australia with nothing, in fact they came with debt. They worked hard, working multiple jobs with no financial support from the government, friends or family. They built a life, having two children, they supported and sponsored many of their extended family to Australia and my mother continues to support my family with love, advice and curry puffs!!

Why do I own, and embrace, the feedback, opinions, potential criticism and the choices I make?

1.??????My parents’ commitment to our education has given me the opportunity to build a career and the financial resources so that I can choose to outsource the tasks that I do not want to do.?I have choice. My mother did not.

2.??????I have chosen to measure my parenting by a different standard that suits me, and my husband, not by the standards of others.??

3.??????I prioritise my time and focus where I think I can add most value and impact. I don’t make my kids lunches or wash their clothes but I spend time discussing business, investment and fundraising for The Hunger Project.?Both my children give 10% of their pocket money each month to THP and my youngest ran a fundraiser when he was 10 and raised over $2000. ??We play wordle, scrabble and with our dog Homer!!

4.??????I choose not to let my past, or other peoples’ opinions dictate my future. I will always listen, I am curious and try to understand but I do not blindly accept.

5.??????I know that my mother’s intention is not to criticise or be hurtful. Her history, her experience, her upbringing and what she values is different from me.??I do not judge her for her opinions but I also don’t need to accept her opinions as my truth.

6.??????I do not try to change her in this regard and whilst she might like to see me change, I know she will not love me less for not changing.

7.??????When I hear my mother’s criticism of my homemaking skills I say “YES, you are right and I am happy with that.”?I own it.

At every step I have been criticised and critiqued for my decisions – leaving my career in marketing, starting Chorus Executive , starting Peeplcoach, going to Uganda with Business Chicks where I met incredible Cathy Burke, going to Necker Island with Emma Issacs and Richard Branson and I have loved and learnt from every one of these decisions.

We all have a “mother” in our lives who is judging and critiquing our decision and choices. They may be a manager, partner, mentor, colleague, friend or a parent and whilst you might prefer they shared your point of view and embraced your choices, it is OK if they don’t, as you probably don’t agree with theirs either. ??

Everything you do can and will be criticised by someone. It is up to you to at least own and enjoy the choices you make.