Owl, Tigger, Eeyore, and Pooh Walked into a Meeting...

Owl, Tigger, Eeyore, and Pooh Walk into a Meeting....?

Forgive me. I have been obsessed with Winnie-the-Pooh lately. For the third time, I read the Tao of Pooh. For the second time, I read Winnie-the-Pooh on Management. For the?first time, I wrote a parable using Pooh and friends to explore the art of asking questions. I recommended the Tao of Pooh to many clients over the past few months and all of them without fail discovered something about their own mindset and approach to life that they found useful. And it was a client I did not recommend the book to who spoke with me today about how she always hesitated to ask questions because she feared the embarrassment of not knowing. We talked about how not asking questions in our personal relationships is a way to keep an interpersonal distance and not asking questions in our professional lives is a form of arrogance. Arrogance, of course, is a cover-up for deeply held shame or fear of being shamed. So today I am giving you something (hopefully) thought-provoking in a fun way...or a Pooh way, at least!?(A little reworking of my Passover parable that actually is in the #1 position right now on Kindle's top 100 free downloads in the Children's Religious Books category.)

Owl, Tigger, Eeyore and Pooh walk into a meeting.?They are of varying stages in their career?of working with a manager?of considerable experience on a complex client matter. The Manager?begins the discussion with how this is the time to ask questions to glean the insights needed to create solutions. ?

?“Well, if anyone has the answers, it would be ME,” said Rabbit boldly as he fluffed up his fur. ?

Pooh was puzzled, “Rabbit, how does one know answers when they have not heard the questions yet? I just wait patiently for the questions to be asked. Then I have a good think about it.”?

“Pooh, that’s why there’s YOU and then there’s I!” interrupted Tigger, “I know how to listen to the first few words and before we even get to the question mark, I am ready to bounce right into the answer! I get to point lickity split and jumpity flip. That way we get to the other side faster!”?

Pooh wondered aloud, “The other side of....”?

“The other side of not knowing, Pooh! See I did it just now! Tada!” Tigger gleefully bound around the long conference table.?

Pooh decided he liked the side that he was on when questions were asked. Getting to the answers side should allow for enough time to enjoy the journey a bit. He much preferred to take his time to have the joy and reward of discovering the unexpected things along the way to the answers.?

Eeyore looked up at the group, “I don’t have time for questions that are of no use to me. Can you tell me if they will make any sort of difference with helping me to keep my tail on in any kind of way?”?

The Manager?stood up. “Finding how questions can lead to answers that help us to keep our heads or tails on straight is up to each of us to figure out for ourselves. You see, the usefulness isn’t only in the answers but also in how the questions are even asked that can make the most profound difference in how we come to the answers in the first place.”?

At this point, Pooh was utterly confused. He sat quietly in his Unthinking Spot where he often let the words sit for a moment without too much thinking. He needed to let the answers just come.?

“So we listen and learn from the start to the finish...and the start is the way the finish will be...the usefulness of questions comes from how we see.”?

?“Yes, Pooh.” replied the Manager, “The usefulness of answers depends on personal perspective, and even bias, and how you formulate your questions. Wisdom comes from keeping what is called the “child’s mind,” or a growth mindset, that is open and willing to try on innovative ideas as they come along. The Child’s Mind is the curious mind. It gives us the freedom to be curious first and choose our answers later. ?

Pooh was delighted to hear that his Bear Brain was much like a Child’s Mind. For the first time, he felt kinship with his favorite friend, Christopher Robin.?

Do you see yourself or others in Pooh and his friends? Asking questions can be exceedingly difficult for some people. Some have associated asking questions as a form of dependency, weakness, or lacking in some way.

Here is an interesting fact about asking questions: we reduce cortisol-driven experiences (such as anxiety) by deepening our connection with either the people or the work itself or both. It’s healthy to ask questions and healthier to pause before answering them.??Without Clarifying Questions, we tend to Assume and that...well, you know...makes an Eeyore out of U and Me.

To reduce stress caused by mind-reading efforts, reduce conflict, and reduce errors in your work, simply ask questions. To increase connection, confidence, and opportunity to grow in work and social life, simply ask questions.

Find me at www.avadiamondmentalfitness.com

Happy Holiday Weekend!