The Overwhelmed Executive's Handbook: How To Nail Last-Minute PowerPoint Presentations

You’re swamped with deadlines. The phone is ringing off the hook. Emails are flooding your inbox.

Better cue the Hitchcock horror music.

In the midst of what is proving to be another ordinary workday at the office, you suddenly realize there’s an official PowerPoint presentation scheduled in twenty minutes. And you’re the presenter.  

Oops.

No worries, no sweat. Everything is under control. Why? Simple! It’s because you proudly possess a potent workplace weapon that is indisputably proving to be the exasperated executive’s newest workplace savior.

Now introducing … Presentation-In-A-Flash?.

With the revolutionary Presentation-In-A-Flash? platform, you’re professionally prepared and exceptionally equipped to conquer the corporate chaos of everyday office life.

Simply print out the soon-to-be-patented template (shown below) and fill in the blank lines.

Then run a comb through your somewhat-prematurely-graying hair; splash a dash of cold water on your soon-to-be-wrinkling face; and happily carry this easy-to-use, word-for-word presentation template into your next important boardroom meeting. 

Voila!

Welcome to the wonderful world of Presentation-In-A-Flash?. Who knew being a Chief Executive ________ could be so easy?

[Presentation-In-A-Flash?: The Executive Edition]

Thank you all for coming today. I want to begin by thanking ________ for bringing the donuts and giving a shout-out to ________ for making the coffee. Okay. Ready to begin?

[Pause briefly; clear throat loudly; point finger toward PowerPoint screen]

As you can see in this diagram, the blue chart outlines the ________ and the green chart shows the ________. I think we can all agree that, to continue pushing this trajectory upwards, we must integrate various components into the shifting business landscape of ________. And so on, and so forth.

[Pause briefly; look toward doorway; smile benevolently as latecomer enters room]

Oh, hello ________. Thanks for joining us. Yes, there’s an extra chair in the corner. Good? Perfect. Anyway, from the alignment of priorities, to sustained visionary leadership, to multiple core competencies – it’s about creating seamless synergy within the hallways of ________. And so on, and so forth.

[Pause for question; feign smile; reply by referencing something about Gary Vaynerchuk]

Naturally, we’ll need to better navigate the marketing mix by cascading relevant information across multiple silos. Sometimes however, ________ will occur. So we will work to integrate a strong value chain analysis platform. And so on, and so forth.

[Pause for question; feign smile; reply by recommending books from Malcolm Gladwell, Stephen Covey, and Simon Sinek]

For us to fundamentally widen the purchasing funnels, we will ________. And yes, statistically speaking, analyzing the metrics for each channel will involve managing inbound data and creating technical workflow adjustments. And so on, and so forth.

[Pause for question; feign smile; reply by referencing something about Seth Godin]

Now let’s talk about hi-tech digital operations solutions. It will need to guarantee a powerful ________, including multiple outbound channels and integrating multiple resources, utilizing a scalable business model. And so on, and so forth.

[Pause for question; feign smile; reply by invoking bogus inspirational quote attributed to Steve Jobs]

Additionally, we must leverage our best practices. We need to move the needle upwards. We must empower the teams. We need to shift the paradigm. We must be the ________. And so on, and so forth.

[Pause for question; feign smile; reply by referencing something about Apple or Nike or Starbucks]

In a nutshell? The future of ________ is clear. Outstanding corporate values. Seamless team synergy. Alignment of priorities. Double-digit improvements. All while boasting an unparalleled level of industry flexibility. And so on, and so forth.

[Pause for question; feign smile; reply by asserting generic motivational quote attributed to Tony Robbins]

Here’s how we, as a united team, can make it happen. We must bite the bullet and get the ball rolling. We will line up our ducks in a row and really work to move the needle. We should drill down and dive deeper. This ________ project is a real game changer. And so on, and so forth.

[Pause for question; feign smile; reply by referencing something about Jack Welch and Six Sigma]

Most importantly, based on the positive vibes emanating from this table, I am confident that you will help us successfully launch this corporate initiative for________. And so on, and so forth. Thank you for participating.

[Presentation-In-A-Flash?: The Tragic Aftermath]

Schedules collide.

Minds wander.

Clocks tick.

And yet, the nameless, faceless, clueless workplace warrior pointlessly pontificating at the corporate presentation forges ahead cheerfully, oblivious to the realities of the workplace, the workday, and the workflow.

Buzzwords drop like flies.

Heads jiggle like Jell-O.

Productivity plummets like an septuagenarian with a broken hip.

All in the glorious name of progress, mind you.

Something of significance, perhaps, to keep in mind the next time you’re tasked with leading a team meeting in the boardroom.

And so on, and so forth.