Overgivers - How to HOLD Boundaries
Lisa Gornall
Creating Sustainable Success and Work-life Balance for High Performers in Start Ups & Small Teams | Corporate Medium | Spiritual Medium & Mentor | Mindset & Energy Strategist | Author | Motivational Speaker
Why do you overgive?
“I overgive because I always do. It’s expected of me.”
“I overgive because I can get it done faster.”
“I overgave because they needed help so I made it happen.”
“I overwork because my boss depends on me for this deadline. I’m known for getting things done.”
As a high performer myself and now a balanced giver, I get it. You see a need, you know what to do, you do it. Or someone needs help, you can help them and you do it.
The problem? When you keep overgiving, there is a cost to you. What is YOUR COST? I know, this isn’t something you’ve ever thought of before.
When I overgive, my cost is my health. Every single time.
The thing is - there is only so much time in a day and you only have so much energy. How are you spending both of these things? Do you know how to set or hold boundaries? I’ve hit burnout twice in my career because the first time clearly wasn’t enough. Now I work with high performers and small teams to help them prevent burnout and stress leave.?
Let’s dive in!
How to Stop Overspending Your Time & Energy
High performers and high achievers are known for being efficient and over working as needed. The problem is that this puts them at a higher risk of getting sick, injured or having major health problems. We fix this by no longer overspending your time and energy. We have to start here!
The first thing you have to do is put everything into your calendar.
Every single thing.
My life is all in my Google Calendar and this is shared with my husband that way he knows when I’m working, when we have life things scheduled and every appointment like massages, facials, well exams, teeth cleanings, kid events. If it is happening and you’re going to be there or doing it - it must be on your calendar. This includes work deadlines.
Putting it in your calendar not only helps regain brain bandwidth from not having to remember every single thing, it also helps you to see HOW FULL your calendar really is.?
Once it’s all there, BEFORE you can offer to do anything for anyone, YOU MUST check your calendar. Do you even have the time and energy to do this? Probably not. Look at your calendar and use this as a boundary for your time. If it’s full, the only way you can take on something else is to give a task on your calendar to someone else. Otherwise, you can’t take it on. This is your first new boundary to hold.
The next thing you have to do is pay attention to how much energy you have.
Every day, throughout the day.
Think of your energy like you do your device batteries - cell phone, tablet, lap top. You know that if they are low on energy, you can’t play a video or do a video call.
The same is true with your energy. When your energy is low, you are borrowing energy from tomorrow. That means instead of waking up at 100% recharged, maybe you’re only 80% or 50%. By time you get to the end of your workday, you are on fumes. Overgiving is always stopped by sickness or injury.
Energy boundaries are important here. Check in with yourself and see if you even have the energy to do what is it that you want to do.Typically, you don’t. If not, what self-care can you do to recharge BEFORE you spend more energy.?
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How to HOLD Your Boundaries
Boundaries are important in all areas of your life. They tell people what is ok and what isn’t. Without a boundary, people don’t know because what’s not ok for you is probably ok for someone else.
When you feel yourself STARTING to give, I want you to pause and ask yourself if you have the time and or energy to do this. If you do, do it. If you don’t, draw and hold a boundary.
I find it works best for you to hold a boundary when you know why you’re holding it. You’re holding it because you don’t have time and energy for other things that are important for yourself. For example, I had a client who would stay up after everyone reading a book until well past midnight, affecting her sleep and productivity, just so she had a moment to do something she wanted to do.
How to Draw a Boundary
I can’t take that on. Or I’d love to but I’m overcommitted. These are both great statements for over givers to say NO.
At first, people are going to be surprised that you’re saying no. They may ask you to do something else, have someone else ask you to do it or even give you something else to do. This is where HOLDING THE BOUNDARY comes into play.
Stand in Your Power and Hold the Boundary. You know how much time you have and how much energy you have in this moment. You DO NOT take on whatever this task is.?
Here’s the reason to hold your boundaries - it will give you some time and energy to do the things YOU WANT to do. The things you keep adding to the backburner to do someday. You hold your boundaries with your time and energy so you have more of them to enjoy this amazing life you are so busy creating but not necessarily enjoying.?
This is what you think about when you draw and hold a boundary - what do I really want to do today and how this STOPS you from doing that. How will you be able to do whatever it is that you wanted today? The answer is by staying focused on your time and energy and not taking on this extra thing.
You can still give, just make sure you have the bandwidth and want to give. Otherwise, you’re on a fast path to burnout or stress leave and no one wins there. Hold your boundaries and do things that make you happy.
The success habit from this article is HOLDING the boundary so you can do whatever it is that you want to do but typically don't have the time and energy to do.
About Lisa Gornall
Lisa is a Spiritual Medium, Mindset Mentor and Energy Strategist for teams and individuals so they can create sustainable success and work-life balance.
As a Corporate Medium, she offers customized programs for startups and high performance teams to help them reduce stress leave, prevent burnout and increase high performer rentention.
Her clients say her work is deep and transformational, unlike anything they’ve experienced with other consultants and practitioners. They feel fully supported as they reach their goals, LOVING life in and out of work.
Lisa is an author, trainer and motivational speaker. Get her books on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or a signed copy by Lisa.
Copyright Lisa Gornall 2025