Overfilling till empty

Last week I stressed myself to a point that I was physically ill.

If you're anything like me, it takes getting pushed to the very edge to make a major shift. I hope you are not like me, but in case you are - I hope my realization can help.

I realized that I only have a certain amount of energy in a day. Obviously, there is only so much time, so much daylight, only so many tasks one can accomplish in a day. But if we also have a limited amount of energy per day, that means - maybe we can choose how to use that energy.

Thinking of my day, I have a lot of tasks, meetings, events. Trying to make things happen, build networks, support others, and also massive FOMO - I go to every event that sounds like it could be useful. But at some point I realized that I try to fill each and every cup of each and every meeting and task, and often - I run out.

The reasonable thing to do when you are empty, would be to rest.

The logical thing in my mind to do is to obviously keep going, full speed. Pedal to the metal.

But, in order to keep going, one must fuel on borrowed energy. So I take from the Tomorrow Jug, and if that empties before the day is done – then the Day After Jug.

This is the only way I can explain the my weekly ups and down in energy. Working until late and going to bed, only to wake up more tired than when I went to bed. Making it through the day, then waking up the next morning - still exhausted. Food, coffee, exercise - doesn't turn to energy. I had used it all up the day before.

This realization, though, was empowering. This meant that maybe (groundbreakingly so), if I were to be more mindful of how I react and interact with my daily tasks, I could find a pace that is more sustainable over time. This was not beyond my control.

I realized that actually – the stress that has become my default reaction to literally anything these days, was a choice.

Being stressed was a choice I was making.

This week, I have been trying something new and interesting. Anytime I started to get worried about something, or some problem came up, or the complexity of the tasks ahead started to feel overwhelming, I would imagine being engulfed in a black cloud of stress, and then I would say - No.

I would step out of that feeling and reflect. What about a different emotion? Curiosity? Excitement? Confidence? Acceptance?

Most problems are not fatal, and most decisions are not life or death. Stress and worry are in your mind, they are not an objective, undisputed reality. One can choose to react differently, or react in the moment and then just – let it go.

Or, let it flow through your body like a wave, and then – go on its way.

Or, let it out – punch a pillow or yell, and let it be released out. Sweated out, like a virus. Be gone!

Anything, but letting it play over and over and over in your head, like a broken record, masochistically sucking all your energy into a black void.

I have been practicing to choose to be intentional about where I pour my energy into, and so far it's really helped me find balance in an otherwise really stressful week. Like anything else, this is a skill. It will take reps.

Happy Friday, hope your week was a good one. Don't forget to recharge!

?? If you're an early stage founder, know that you are not alone. If you know an early stage founder - reach out to them. Let's support each other as we build the future together. Let's not go alone.