Overcoming Trauma With a New Orleans Homecoming

I gotta give it to trauma; for a while there, I really thought it was going to get the best of me. There’s only so much a girl can take, and only so much Southern cooking can do to soothe the soul. With everything I had been through — escaping Hurricane Katrina to Minnesota with $150 in my checking account, a divorce, and moving to Seattle to start over — pushing my trauma down was sometimes the only way I could get through my day.?

Sure, I had seen medical doctors to address my panic attacks, had gone to therapy, and learned to prioritize self-care. However, none of that was fully able to exile the trauma I had experienced. My guess is it’s probably because I left it in New Orleans, my childhood home, where much of it first took root.?

Creating a Safe Haven Away From Pain

I examined these roots over the years — by dissecting my first marriage and the role I played as a wife and mother and the impact each had on my identity, searching for my birth parents and learning more about the circumstances surrounding my adoption, and unpacking the effect Katrina had on everything I knew. But I did so from afar, from the comfort of my home on Hood Canal, where the sounds of seals and chirping birds and the sights of Orcas could carry me away from any pain I was feeling the moment I needed them to.

Hotel rooms served the same function, providing an escape. Until they didn’t. My husband, Doug, and I traveled extensively together over the last decade, including to Europe, Antarctica, the Midwest, and numerous trips up and down the eastern seaboard.?

But it was only when I traveled to my (and Doug’s) old stomping ground in New Orleans following the pandemic, during which my fully remote law firm experienced its most significant growth right along with my imposter syndrome, that I realized the time had finally come to face a past that still had a hold over me no matter where in the world I was or how well I was doing. You see, dear Reader, imposter syndrome is closely linked to interpersonal trauma.??

Unfinished Business

According to an article in Verywell Health, “Trauma is an emotional response to an overwhelming, physically or emotionally threatening event.” Trauma from Hurricane Katrina and my subsequent divorce, replete with financial infidelity, fit the bill.??

As I also learned from the article, since Katrina, I had done, without even being aware most of the time, a pretty darn good job of addressing it. The article explains that there are distinct ways to help yourself let go of trauma. They are to:

• Maintain close ties with your support network.
• Discover wholesome activities conducive to self-expression.
• Engage in gentle physical movements such as stretching, yoga, or walks.
• Nourish yourself with well-rounded meals.
• Stick to a consistent sleep schedule.
• Incorporate mindfulness and relaxation practices into your routine.
• Implement stress-relieving techniques.
• Participate in support groups.
• Reach out to a mental health expert for assistance.

I can say I’ve done pretty much everything on this list. I have a close-knit blended family and a wonderful network of friends and colleagues. I embrace my “unicorn” time, recently discovering my latest passion: gardening. You can often find me tiptoeing through the tulips, the ones I planted.??

I can’t imagine life without my walks in nature, which is pretty much my backyard where I live in the Pacific Northwest. I love food and experiencing cuisines from cultures around the world. I don’t need much sleep, but my sleep schedule is regular and, even better, allows me to watch sunrises from the comfort of my bed.?

These days, I am so mindful of my health and well-being that I block time on my calendar to relax and know which strategies work for me (and which don’t) when stress creeps in. Finally, I value the expertise of others, from the mental health professionals who cured those panic attacks I was having to the myriad of coaches who have supported me in building my life and business into what they are today.

But … yes, there’s a but: I believe an important step is missing from the above list. That step is to go back and reframe what caused the trauma. For me, it would mean making New Orleans mine again.?

Homecoming

Over the past couple of years, Doug and I have started including New Orleans more regularly in our travel plans. Since leaving, especially under the circumstances I did, under duress and without a plan, returning has always conjured up mixed feelings. Yes, I love the city — the architecture, the history, the tree-lined streets, the kindness of the people — in spite of the spots of negativity I experienced while living there. But painful memories line those streets, too.?

Fortunately, I am a big believer that the good can triumph over the bad with the right mindset, which, for me, is one of curiosity, exploration, and forgiveness. Armed with these values, I began noticing something remarkable with every visit: My love for my hometown began to overtake any negativity I had been holding onto for it.

So, during a whirlwind visit this past February during Mardis Gras, I decided to take a leap of faith, which, to know me, is to know this is not new behavior. I am, in many ways, a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-skirt kind of gal, jumping first, looking later. For the most part, that strategy has worked out well. I already know this is destined to be one of those times.

Doug and I returned to Seattle with a souvenir in hand: a contract to buy the most delightful cottage only steps away from my favorite park in, you guessed it, New Orleans. Just weeks later, I positioned a rocking chair square on the porch, where I can now, October through April of each year, finesse the vision I have for the rest of my life — one that pays tribute to the past while making way for the future.

The best part? It is all courtesy of the fully remote law firm I built, which now allows me and the people I work with to live the personal and professional lives we once upon a time could only dream about.???

If you're interested in learning more about Elise Buie Family Law Group and the possibility of joining our team, please check out our current job openings.

Elise Buie, Esq. is a Seattle-based family and divorce lawyer and founder of the Elise Buie Family Law Group. A champion for maintaining civility throughout the divorce process, Elise advocates for her clients and the best interests of their children, helping them move forward with dignity and from a position of strength.