Overcoming Success Guilt: Empowering Strategies for Professional Mothers in Leadership

" I feel guilty about my success."

The Price of Success

Imagine this:

You've just been promoted, a recognition you've earnestly earned through years of hard work. As you stand to accept your award, instead of basking in the applause, a pang of guilt strikes you. Your thoughts rush to your family, especially your children, whom you left with a sitter again.

This success, as sweet as it seems, tastes bittersweet. This is the reality of success guilt—a feeling many professional women and mothers in leadership know all too well.

Understanding Success Guilt

As a professional woman and mother in leadership, you may sometimes feel guilty or undeserving of your success. You might think you don't deserve your achievements or awards and that a colleague is more deserving. You may feel guilty because your promotion or business success comes at the expense of time away from your children. Perhaps you feel that your success comes at the detriment of your partner's own goals and aspirations. This is success guilt. It can hinder your progress and prevent you from fully embracing your achievements.

The Dual Challenge: Success Guilt and Imposter Syndrome

Success guilt is the discomfort and unease we feel when we stand out from our social group because of our achievements. This is not the same as imposter syndrome, which is feeling like a fraud, as if you don’t belong to an “elite” social group in spite of your achievements. But what success guilt and imposter syndrome have in common is a sense of doubt. For success guilt, it is doubt that you’re deserving. In imposter syndrome, it is doubt that you belong. It’s normal to briefly feel some guilt and a sense of loss when you succeed because you are stepping away from the comfort and confines of your tribe. But prolonged guilt that impacts your performance and progress is destructive.

The Irony of Hard-Earned Success

Some people revel in the glory while others retreat from the limelight

If you have never experienced success guilt, I celebrate you. And if you have, you’re not alone. The irony is that you most likely worked your backside off, sacrificed a lot and gave up many pleasures to get to where you are now. Yet the recognition can make you feel less approachable or relatable, intensifying the guilt.

Why do we struggle to celebrate our achievements?

The answer often lies in the conflict between individual success and social conformity. As women, this internal struggle is particularly pronounced due to societal and gender norms. Let's take a closer look.

As humans, we strive to be individuals yet crave to fit within the group. And so when we break from social norms we feel conflicted internally. And sometimes, we’re further isolated by those who (for their reasons) believe we should all conform to the group norms. As women, societal expectations and gender norms may contribute to our feelings of guilt because, often, we’re expected to prioritise family responsibilities over career aspirations. This guilt manifests as self-doubt, fear of being judged, or even imposter syndrome, which we touched on earlier.

Success guilt can be particularly impactful for working mothers and women in leadership roles. But we need to overcome the discomfort and guilt so more women rise up to the top and share their unique gifts with the world.

Strategies to Overcome Success Guilt

To overcome success guilt and fully embrace our achievements, try the following strategies:

1. Define success

Answer these 3 questions:

• What does success mean to you personally?
• How will you know when you are successful in a) your personal and b) professional life?
• Why do you want this success?

When you are clear on what success means to you and your reasons for doing what you do, then you’re less likely to fall prey to the guilt trap.

2. Reframe your thoughts

Success doesn't mean you're leaving others behind or failing in other aspects of your life. It means you can bring more people along with you. Remind yourself that you earned your accomplishments because you took action and worked hard with dedication and persistence.

3. Celebrate your accomplishments

Make a conscious effort to celebrate your big and small achievements. Owning and sharing your successes can help you feel comfortable with your accomplishments and encourage your children and others to celebrate their wins, too.

4. Create a healthy work-life balance

Have clear boundaries between work and personal life. By intentionally carving out time for self-care and family, you can lessen feelings of guilt because you're not neglecting other important areas of your life.

5. Seek professional support

If success guilt continues to impact your life, consider seeking the guidance of a coach or therapist. They can help you uncover the root causes of your guilt and develop strategies to overcome it.

Your Success is Valid and Valuable

Remember, your success is well-deserved, and embracing it can empower you to continue growing and making a positive impact in your professional and personal life. Celebrate your accomplishments and let go of the guilt – you've earned it.

How have you dealt with success guilt?

Share your stories or reach out if you need guidance on this journey. Together, we can make success not only achievable but enjoyable.

Let's make your success healthy & happy!

Dr. Masi

Disclaimer: The content in this newsletter and related LinkedIn posts is for informational purposes only and not medical advice. Views expressed are those of Dr. Masi Njawaya and Herself Health and not any official organisation. Consult a healthcare professional for personalised advice. Use this information at your own risk.