Overcoming the sting of rejection

I’ve been indulging in the little pleasures of life and taking advantage of the break in the weather. I’ve been learning west coast swing dancing, hiking along the river and in the Badlands nearby, and went to the Hump erotic film festival this weekend here in Bend. I also co-hosted a virtual bridal shower, and was interviewed on the Wine with Your Gyn podcast again, chatting about the 10 most awkward sexual moments. I’ll share the link to listen in, when it’s live.

Speaking of awkward sexual moments…

I’ve also been busy helping couples and individuals desiring to create real intimacy in the middle of real life.

He said: We’ve been married for many years and for the most part, things have been? unsatisfying sexually. We have done chats and check-ins, long weekends free from the kids, therapy was broached and dismissed, and after very mixed messages from her, I kind of gave up and let her drive the boat. The result was no more sex than we were having before, but at least there were no more painful rejections.

She said: We’re here because I’ve rediscovered my libido, and I want frequent sex. It’s a little more frequent, but I’m really surprised how difficult it is to get him on board when this is what he’s been asking for.

He said: I just can’t seem to shake the fear that this is all going to go away, and I’ll be back in the same situation, which makes me hesitant and awkward in bed. How do I build my desire back??

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One thing that I've noticed in my work is that many men are burdened by sexual rejection - and that this burden is heavy. It impacts their deeply held desire to be with a partner who is consenting, pulling them in with hungry desire.

In this couple’s case, it sounds like his desire dropped over time in response to his partner's shifting sexual ways of being and then eventually there were "no more painful rejections."

It makes perfect sense that the turned on part of him is having trouble coming back - his turned on part is very hesitant to show up and face potential rejection again.

For some people, thinking of ourselves in "parts" can help us understand otherwise confusing reactions.

I suggested that he try having an inner conversation with the part of him that's felt rejected in the past - reassuring that "part" that they have the skills and abilities to get through anything that happens and that that "part" is safe to be turned on.

Thinking of ourselves like this can keep us from getting overwhelmed by our feelings. It can help us to identify the different ways we're reacting to our lives and to make sense of it all.

I'm happy to share that things are getting better for this couple. His homework has included having these short conversations with “that part” of himself along with some other mindset practices to help him stay in the current moment and experience pleasure. Her homework has included being okay with it being awkward for a while, and focusing on pleasure, playfulness, and reconnection.?

Are you ready to start getting the little (and big) pleasures back in your life? Let’s talk about it privately. Here’s a link to get on my calendar for a complimentary call. Nice and easy.

Xoxo,

Jane

PS: All client stories are inspired by actual client interactions. The specific personal details have been omitted but the sexological issues presented have not. xoxo

PSS: Is it time to get some—hypnosis? I recorded a quick Instagram video about three things I love about hypnosis. Check it out.?