Overcoming the Stigma of Being Fired

My Adventures in Getting Fired

Let's face it—getting fired is shocking. But guess what? It's also a rite of passage that can teach you a lot if you let it. Here's my story of not one, not two, but three times getting the ax, and how each experience helped me grow and ultimately helped others grow through me. Let's dive in!

Strike One: The Catering Catastrophe

Ah, college jobs. I was paying my way through school by catering fancy events in Beverly Hills. One evening, I apparently didn't bow low enough to a wealthy client. Next thing I knew, I was out on the street. Mortified? You bet. But I learned a valuable lesson: attitude matters. A lot.

Strike Two: The Coaching Conundrum

Fast forward a few years. I had just returned to California after nearly three decades in France. I landed a gig as an executive coach for an Australian team. Perfect fit ?. Wrong. They had no clue how to onboard me and ended up giving me admin tasks I was hopeless at. Fired by email on the first day of my vacation? Ouch. Lesson learned: Clear expectations and setting people up for success are everything.

Strike Three: The Toxic Boss Tango

Third time's the charm, right? Not quite. I joined a consulting firm and quickly realized the owner was a nightmare. I called them out on their lies, and surprise, surprise—I was let go. This time, I wasn't even upset. I was relieved. Final lesson: Spot toxic behavior early and protect yourself and… don’t deliver direct feedback upwards in an unhealthy feedback culture if you want to keep your job.

Why do I share these embarrassments? To illustrate the point that it happens to the best of us.

Part 2: Legitimate Reasons for Being Fired and How to Cope

Understanding the Reasons

In my coaching practice, I've seen a variety of legitimate reasons for being fired. It doesn't make it any easier on people but it's a cleaner experience emotionally nonetheless.

1. Reorganizations: Companies restructure, and roles are eliminated.
2. Performance Issues: Sometimes, you're just not meeting expectations which have been made clear from the outset
3. Cultural Fit: You might not align with the company’s values or work style

However, there are also dubious and unclear reasons for being let go, sadly these are often rooted in office politics, personal biases or conflict. Overcoming the stigma in being let go gets easier when you've understood the full picture. Here’s a look at both.

Clean Breaks and Dubious Dismissals

No matter which type you’ve endured, Like any tough situation, you can and will find significant silver linings once the sting dies down. Over the past couple of years, even before the big tech layoffs, I've watched many talented people lose their jobs for a variety of reasons, some clear and some a bit fishy.

A vast majority of them suffered from unclear expectations or weren't set up for success. This doomed situation, coupled with a few of their own weaknesses, created a scenario where the firing was a co-responsibility, but that shared responsibility was never discussed. That's a hard one to swallow. Here are a few strategies to recover:

1. Control What You Can: Take on any feedback you received while also carefully considering the source of that feedback. Take a deep look inward and ask yourself if you've received this feedback before. If it's a repetitive pattern, make plans to address it and also definitely avoid organizations that heavily rely on that one thing you're maybe not great at in the next job.
2. Release the Uncontrollable: Let go of what was out of your control and create a nice detailed list for youself to anchor in this very important point.
3. Craft a coherent Narrative so you feel comfortable with the story: ?Before you go out to that party or networking event, work out a story around the situation that resonates well with you. It's along the lines of being able to answer the "tell me about your weaknesses" interview question. Most importantly: Don’t wing it on the fly and remember, bing fired happens to the best of us.

Political and Personal Biases

Another oh so common situation involves being on the wrong side of office politics or personal conflicts: If this has happened to you, here's how you can reframe some learnings

1. Spot Difficult People: Learn to recognize toxic behavior early. It's getting easier and easier to do this with all of the information on the topic so easily accessible.
2. Strategic Feedback: Don’t deliver feedback candidly in a culture not set up for it.
3. Don't Fight with your Boss: You won't win
4. Trust Wisely: Be cautious about whom you trust, especially if you're the very trusting type
5. Cultural Expectations Make sure you know what those are.

The Tech Layoff Tsunami

The recent big tech layoffs have shown even star performers can get cut. It's humiliating, even when you know it’s a bottom-line decision. Here’s how to handle it:

1. Craft a Narrative: Develop a story around your layoff to help you land your next job.
2. It's probably not about you: It might feel that way, especially if this is the first time ever you've experienced rejection or "failure" but it's really not.
3. Mental Health: Focus on recovery and building gritty resilience.
4. Talk to People: connect with others who experienced the same thing to normalize it
5. Pivot Opportunities: Use this as a chance to make a significant professional pivot. It can truly be a golden opportunity.

Moving Forward with Confidence

Being fired is just a bump in the road. You might need to get a new tire, and wait till your car comes back from the repair shop. But reflecting on your experiences, separating actionable feedback from uncontrollable factors, dubious firings from legitimate ones, connecting with people and ultimately crafting a positive narrative around it, you can overcome the stigma and just get back to work.

Remember it happens to the best of us !

Need support? Share your experiences in the comments or reach out for personalized coaching.