Overcoming Rejectophobia: How Self-Acceptance Can Ease the Pain of Professional Ghosting

Should you read this article? Here are three things we’ll cover:

1. Self-love or self-acceptance: What’s the difference and why you should care.
2. The protective importance of self-acceptance in business: Understand why internal pride can become your biggest asset in an uber competitive world.
3. Is self-acceptance enough?: Why a ‘different’ form of self-acceptance adds another layer of protection.

Short on time? I’ve got you!

Let me read you the article instead! ??

Introduction

I’m currently in the magical city of Dubai. This city is quite simply—a vibe.

It’s busy, full of traffic, and there are always people everywhere. This non-stop-ed-ness, to me, is bliss.

As I’m going to be travelling here more often in the coming months, I decided to do a ‘hard thing’: reach out and connect with new people on LinkedIn.

I say ‘hard thing’ because to me, building up a new network in a new city is absolutely NO different from trying to make friends on the first day of school. It’s awkward, terrifying and exposes you to… rejection.

And whether we’re 12 years old or 46 years old, being accepted by others (and inherently avoiding rejection) is a basic human need.

So here I go: I type away and create a ‘will you be my Linkedin friend?’ to my first contact who looks oh-so much more successful and ‘important’ than me (we’ll get into this later).

I read, review, edit, then re-read the message 18 more times.

I then put it into Chat-GPT and ask “Does this make sense? Are there any spelling or grammar mistakes?”

I then pretend I’m the recipient and read it from ‘their’ point of view.

Does it sound desperate? Weird? What if they don’t respond? Or even worse, what if they DO respond ‘just to be nice’ only to professionally ghost me afterwards?

I press send.

I then re-read it another 18 times and then patiently (ok, not even close to patiently) wait for them to accept me and say ‘I’VE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU TO ASK ME TO BE A LINKEDIN FRIEND!”.

We then catch up and braid each other’s hair while singing Cindy Lauper’s ‘Girls just want to have fun’.

Ok, that last section is a bit of a stretch, but I’m sure you know what I’m getting to.

But kinda true - because when we press the ‘send’ button, it’s so much more than that. We are also sending our hopes and dreams through the internet to a complete stranger who has their own hopes and dreams, while we pray to find a kindred spirit that also understands what it feels like to put oneself out there naked and exposed to rejection.

But the truth is a lot more simple: you could be the juiciest peach in the world, and some people just don’t like peaches. And in life, and ESPECIALLY in business, you will be rejected, ghosted, or let down a multitude of times.

Which got me thinking—how do some people fend away rejection like their skin is made out of teflon, while other people, like me, absorb it like I’m made of velcro?

Basically what I’m asking is: How are some people able to accept themselves even when others don’t accept them…

while other people depend on someone else to accept them to be able to accept themselves?

[you may need to read that again].

Let’s dive in and explore.

Self-love vs self-acceptance: what’s the dif?

When we hear the term "self-acceptance," our minds often jump straight to how we look, right? It conjures something like this:

And yes, self-love is an aspect of self-acceptance. But in my view, I’d classify this concept as surface acceptance, not true self-acceptance.

Is it important? Of course!

For example, my partner always jokes that if it weren’t for him preventing me from doing so - I would wake up and go straight from my bed to our neighbourhood coffee shop, in my pjs, my hair looking like I’ve been electrocuted, without a care of what I look like. Oh, and I'd also have absolutely no concerns in doing so.

And sure, I care about what I look like, but this type of self-love also allows me to not care as well.

So that still leaves us with the question: what does it mean to truly accept ourselves?

How do we get to the point where being rejected, ghosted, or let down still stings, but doesn’t hinder our forward momentum—especially when it comes to our professional lives?

So, what’s self-acceptance?

Carl Jung once said, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

And honestly, he’s not wrong.

Here’s a perfect pictorial definition of what that actually feels like:

Here’s some super smart people’s definitions of self-acceptance:

1. Carl Rogers (Humanistic Psychology) viewed self-acceptance as embracing your true feelings and identity without distorting them to fit societal norms. It’s about accepting who you are so you can grow and become more authentic.
2. Albert Ellis (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, REBT) defined self-acceptance as recognising your worth regardless of flaws or external validation. It means not equating self-worth with success or approval and avoiding harsh self-criticism.
3. Kristin Neff (Self-Compassion Researcher) emphasises self-acceptance through self-compassion, meaning being kind to yourself during moments of failure. It involves embracing imperfections and recognising that they are part of the shared human experience.
4. Nathaniel Branden (Self-Esteem Psychology) saw self-acceptance as acknowledging and accepting all aspects of yourself, including weaknesses. It's about not being at war with yourself, but instead embracing who you are without judgement.
5. Tara Brach (Buddhist Psychology) concept of self-acceptance is rooted in mindfulness and "Radical Acceptance." She defines it as fully accepting yourself and reality as they are, with compassion and openness to both strengths and flaws.

But there is one take on self-acceptance that I believe really encapsulates the true meaning and practical use of self-acceptance.

No fine print: The Importance of Unconditional Self-Acceptance

Therapist Russell Grieger's take on self-acceptance matches my high-achieving people pleaser’s brain requirements the best- he terms it ‘unconditional self-acceptance’.

Because heck - when we do something awesome like proposing an idea that everyone loves or when we get accepted by an ‘important person’ on Linkedin, it’s easy to accept ourselves.

But that’s not when we need self-acceptance the most - we need it when we are at our lowest, hiding under the covers with our faults and flaws, scared to face the world again, send that follow up email or ‘give it another go’ with another contact.

“You separate yourself from your actions and qualities. You accept that, as a fallible human being, you are less than perfect. You will often perform well, but you will also err at times. When you do perform well, you take pride in it, but you don't deify your whole self. When you act badly, you may prudently criticise your actions, but you stubbornly refuse to flog yourself.” - Grieger, 2013

Unconditional self-acceptance is understanding when you make a mistake, that doesn’t mean that YOU ARE a mistake. It reminds you that when someone forgets to get back to you, that doesn’t mean you’re forgettable. Or that when someone seemingly more ‘important than you’ doesn’t accept your request, it doesn’t mean that you are not important.

Taking a risk that ends in a ‘bad’ outcome doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

Rejection is inevitable—but it doesn’t define you

When we face rejection, especially in our careers, the real struggle is often that we think others see something 'rejectable' in us, and we have no idea what it is. This drives us to chase external approval, thinking, "If I just achieve this title, make this connection, or earn this respect, that rejectable part of me will be fixed or will disappear."

But, as we all know, scrambling for the next source of approval is a never-ending cycle.

Unconditional self-acceptance, on the other hand, breaks that cycle. It’s about cultivating an internal sense of pride—one that comes from knowing yourself deeply and being proud of what you stand for, regardless of what others think.

This internal pride isn’t about arrogance or thinking you’re better than others. It’s about recognising your own value, respecting yourself, and standing firm in your identity—even when others don’t see it.

And I think most importantly when it comes to reaching out to people on Linkedin, especially those who have incredibly impressive profiles with oodles of followers and likes, it reminds you that sure - they look amazing and ‘important’ - but you’re important too.

When you stop chasing after other people’s respect, you gain something far more valuable: self-respect. This doesn’t mean rejection won’t sting or that feedback from rejection isn’t important. It simply means you won’t rely on their approval to define your worth nor will rejection paralyse and prevent you from moving forward again (of course, after a good cry and at least one tub of Haagen Daz).

How to cultivate self-acceptance in a professional setting

1. Shift the narrative: Instead of asking, "Why didn’t they like me?" or "What did I do wrong?" start asking, "What can I learn from this?" This small side step swaps rejection into feedback, and eventually feedback into growth.

2. Pout, and then pick yourself up: Being ghosted or rejected hurts. Have a good pout, bitch, moan, and complain. But then, it’s time to get back up again. Acknowledge your efforts, even if the outcome wasn’t perfect, and try again.

3. Think ‘more teflon, less velcro’: Reaching out to new contacts, starting conversations, or pitching your ideas can make you feel like you’re covered in velcro and all of their negative thoughts and feelings will be stuck on you forever. But the more you anchor yourself in “I hope they like me, but I’ll find a way to be ok if they don’t” can help rejection slip off you a little bit easier (and faster).

Concluding Thoughts

Especially in the business world, rejection is inevitable. Whether it's LinkedIn connections not responding, pitches falling flat, or your ideas being dismissed in a meeting, it’s simply a part of the process.

Without unconditional self-acceptance, every 'no' feels personal. Every ghosted message becomes a reflection of what’s ‘wrong’ with you.

But when you accept yourself—fully and truly—you learn to separate what you think of yourself from what you think others think of you. Someone's rejection doesn’t diminish your skills, experience, or potential. It simply means they’re not the right fit for your journey, and that’s okay.

So no matter if you’re in a new city, a new job, or simply navigating any professional setting, rejection is going to happen. Self-acceptance helps you build a strong foundation of self-respect where rejection becomes less about “what’s wrong with me?” and more about “what’s next for me?”

So yes, putting yourself out there is terrifying. But remember: when you risk less, you also settle for less. Self-acceptance is the key to ensuring that the fear of rejection never holds you back from the opportunities waiting on the other side.

References

1. Grieger, R. (2013). Unconditional self-acceptance: Be impeccable with yourself. Psychology Today.?

???? Hi there! I'm Katherine.

I challenge leaders to take bigger risks by letting go of the imaginary judgement and criticism that holds them back. My talks focus on leading more authentically and wearing our masks a little less, so we can take those scary steps that truly propel our careers and businesses forward—without worrying about looking ‘stupid’ if we fail or mess up.

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If this sounds like a topic you might like to explore for your future events—so your audience can drop their acts and make a bigger impact within their professional careers and organisations—I’d love to hear from you. (I’d also love to hear from Chris Hemsworth, but that’s a story for another day).

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