Overcoming Overwhelm - the spiral method

I knew I was stressed when this appeared on my desk...

My challenge is that I LOVE MY JOB. I thrive in my role as CEO of SkyeTeam, I am positively giddy with excitement when working with our clients, and I get energized when I’m collaborating with my team. I'm the Queen of Ideas and always seem to have a to-do list that extends beyond the hours available.

The down side is that sometimes, oftentimes, these ideas outpace my ability to run fast(er) on this hamster wheel of my own making. I start to feel stressed, I start to angst, and the spirals appear.

The pandemic and work from home hasn't helped matters. Work is even more accessible - it's across the hall, at the kitchen table, it's always there, and there is always something that can be done (note not always should be done). When the world was turned topsy turvy and we were told to work from home, work (at least for me) became an anchor point, something I could control and so I threw myself into it with gusto... and now I have 2 years of habits that need to be retrained.

The Warning Signs are There

What I've come to realize is that my mind and body sends out warning signals to alert me to the fact I can't keep this pace up indefinitely. I'm finally starting to notice, and take notice of, my tells.

About time! Earlier in my career my default reaction to stress was to maintain the British 'carry on, stiff upper lip' approach which is all very well when accompanied by a cup of tea and a biscuit but does nothing for my long term stress levels.

What are my tells?

1. It starts with a buzzy sensation around my torso - like I'm electrified - my fingers tingle and I'm twitchy. I feel it in my heart rate, I can't sit still, and my sleep patterns are disrupted. Unfortunately this heady cocktail of adrenaline can be counter productive, instead of causing me to slow down it actually causes me to run faster, to try and do more.
2. My next tell is hair twiddling. My inner 7 year old emerges as I twist and fiddle with my hair, and given that I let it grow long during the pandemic that's a lot of braids! When I start braiding I notice, again, the challenge can be taking a step back and effecting change.
3. The spiral is the highest alert signal. These are the Klaxon blaring, lights flashing warnings. When I'm twisting the bag ties into the spiral, and then stroking the curves of the spiral, feeling the bounce and tension as I play with the spiral - it calms me (ugh it sounds so wrong, yet it is so soothing!!) That moment of calmness is usually when I really start to take notice.

When that spiral appeared on Monday I knew the game was up. I opened the draw to my desk, and introduced the newest member of my spiral collection. Don't judge me!!

And then I went for a walk. And it felt GOOD!

Over to You - What are your tells?

When I'm coaching leaders we don't just focus on the good days and their strengths. We also spend time talking about their behaviors in times of stress and uncertainty. Every leader prides themselves on their equivalent of the 'stiff upper lip' and ability to work through the stress. It's a badge of honor that many corporate cultures have allowed to thrive, and I'd suggest it's time for us to stop.

Common sense (and experience) shows that the consequence of working too much, for too long, results in stress, burnout, poor physical health, and work-life imbalance. Yet we are all guilty of it at one time or another.

Having a healthy passion for work is one thing. However, it's a fine line between having a passion and a full-blown obsession. If you’re someone who has to be surgically removed from your smartphone or computer, works through lunch and dinner, can’t remember the last weekend where you just kicked back and did nothing, have enough vacation days to last a lifetime, and constantly thinks about (even dream about) your job, then you too may be obsessed with work.?

What are your tells?

If you're not sure (ie you don't have a drawer full of spirals) then as your team. I guarantee they notice when you are stressed.

• Maybe you become curt in your communications
• Emails and slack messages are sent with little or no pleasantries
• Maybe you're harder to get a hold of, or start missing meetings
• Maybe you twiddle your hair, or spin your phone, or crack your knuckles.

Whatever they are, this isn't Vegas - you have a tell, and your colleagues at work know what they are.

Here are 6 warning signs that you may need to slow down.

1. Are you more excited about your job than about family, or anything else?
2. Do you neglect your health because you are too busy at work?
3. Have friends and family complained that you work too much?
4. Do you work longer and harder than most of your colleagues?
5. Are you ‘always on’ and answer email or your work phone anytime, anywhere? In bed? On weekends? On vacation?
6. Have you missed family or social events because you were ‘too busy’?

Five Steps to Slowing Down

If you’ve answered yes to some or all of these questions then you may need to slow down. Here are five steps that may help you to take back some semblance of balance and control.

1. Take a pulse check. Start your day with a quick mental and physical check in. How are you doing? rather than jumping to the to-do list and What are you doing? When I'm coaching leaders I will often start our coaching conversations with a question - What's your number? Where 10 is 'cool as a cucumber' and 1 is 'stressed out'. Whether you are a 3, 6.5, or a 7 we can then explore the triggers, the feelings and behaviors this is causing for you, and the steps you can take to +1, to reduce your stress and be at your best even with the uncertainty and turmoil around you.
2. Prioritize. Just because it’s a good idea doesn’t mean you need to follow through immediately. Just because it could be done, doesn’t mean a task should be done - or that it should be done by you! Take a critical look at your to-do list, and prioritize it. Focus on the items that are important and stop wasting your time on anything that’s not truly necessary. I have four priorities in 2022, they are prominently displayed in front of me. My calendar is now color coded to match them - and my team is empowered to challenge me if I am saying 'yes' to things that are not aligned with those priorities.
3. Leverage the Team. The biggest trap for me is trying to do too many things at once, and trying to do it all myself. The old chestnut of “it’s just quicker to do it myself” is a sirens call. My “to do” list never shrank, in fact it just kept growing. So I would try to work fast, work late and justified it during the pandemic since "I couldn't go out anywhere anyway". ?It wasn’t sustainable and the breakthrough was realizing that by delegating or hiring experts I could get results more quickly, often better results, and I didn’t have to work myself into the ground to do it. What can you delegate today? Where might tapping into another expert help you?
4. Set boundaries. It is my experience that work will always expand to exceed the time available. There is always another good idea or project that could be added to your endless to-do list. After a particular long stint of working at full tilt I have decided that at 6pm I leave my office. I take a lunchtime walk at least 3 times a week. I give myself permission to prioritize me and my personal relationships, not just my work relationships. The good news is, you can train yourself to take time off too. Where will you start to draw your lines in the sand?
5. Do not disturb. It took me years to work out the ‘do not disturb’ setting on my smart phone. It is now set from 9pm – 6am and prevents any notifications, flashing lights, bings, ringtones etc. for anything but my immediate family and close friends. It’s amazing. No longer am I disturbed in the night by email notifications going off. I now tend to keep my phone on silent all day allowing me to focus on my four priorities.

Working too hard may sound like an oxymoron, but it’s real, and addictive. However, you can change your habits and take the first step to regaining some semblance of control.

Now it's your turn. Don’t wait, seize the moment and consider this your first step to balance. ?Get up, get out, and smell the roses, take 10 minutes to marvel at the outside world, I promise that the sky will not fall in if you do!

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6. The bonus tip - if you need a pep talk - Peptoc from West Side Elementary in California.

When you call Peptoc at 707-998-8410 you'll be greeted with this wonderful message... and be supporting the kindergarten students in their art project.

If you're feeling mad, frustrated or nervous, press 1. If you need words of encouragement and life advice, press 2. If you need a pep talk from kindergartners, press 3. If you need to hear kids laughing with delight, press 4. For encouragement in Spanish, press 5.

Trust me, the words of encouragement and life advice is adorable, and just enough to stop me twisting bag ties!