Overcoming our Dark Side
The first step in mitigating and overcoming the dark side within each of us is to understand and realize that it exists. Abraham Lincoln (as cited in McIntosh and Rima, 1997, p. 142) said, “All human beings have their weaknesses, but not all of us realize them, come to grips with them, or offset their negative impact.” We cannot improve or protect against that which we can not identify or recognize. Once we have recognized our dark side we need to look toward the sources of that tendency. We each have a tendency to deny our dark side. McIntosh and Rima (1997, p. 156) state, “The sooner we stop denying our dark side’s existence the sooner we will stop blaming the devil, our parents, bad breaks, and every other possible reason for our struggles.” We must overcome the urge to deny our dark side. If we do not recognize a need to improve, have a desire to improve, and stop blaming the world around us for our own condition, we will never move to the next phase of overcoming our dark side.
The next step as outlined by McIntosh and Rima (1997) is to examine our past. Traumatic experiences may exist in our past that we have suppressed which contribute to our dark side. I have examined my past based on this suggestion and have found it quite helpful. Past experiences tend to come to mind at various times of the day or week. It is helpful to keep a notepad near by to write these thoughts down, for without writing them they will fall back to our suppressed unconscious. Experiences will jog our memory of the past. McIntosh and Rima (1997, 161) said, “In reality we are the sum of all the experiences of our lives.” Once we have a good listing of past experiences that were “life changing” or traumatic, we can begin to discover the reason that made these situations notable in our lives. Once we understand the reasons that such events were notable in our lives and their relationship to our dark side, we can then begin to walk down the path to overcoming our dark side.
Once we have identified the characteristics of our dark side and possible contributing factors to those dark side elements, we are ready to begin to overcome them. It should be our objective to tame and control our dark side for we will never eliminate it. In fact, we may do more harm than good by attempting to eliminate our dark side. We must also realize that changing our dark side is an internal change to the self. We must change our life perspective and view of the world around us. Our relationships with others will take on new meaning as we recognize each person as being unique and have ideas that are worthy of consideration. In recent years the topic of emotional intelligence has been on the forefront of business study (Ashkanasy & Daus, 2002). It is suggested that work attitudes and emotions have long-term effects to shape behavior (Ashkanasy & Daus, 2002). Emotional intelligence may be a precursor to moving to the dark side of leadership. It is suggested that individuals may start the change process by putting themselves in new environments, attending new training courses, and changing their circle of associations. It is important to remember that any course of action will not be easy and it will take time. We must constantly put our objectives in front of our vision because it will be a natural tendency to fall back into the status quo.
McIntosh and Rima (1997) suggested that the next phase of overcoming the dark side is to set realistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations result in internal friction and pressure. In order to set expectations, we must first establish a plan. Awareness, a desire to change and a conscious effort to think before acting will help to set us on a course correction. We need realistic expectations, understanding that we may falter at times. But, we must have the courage to get up and get back on the road to overcoming our dark side each time we fall. This is a long and difficult path.
The final step is that of self-knowledge. We must practice humility and obtain the support and help of those around us. We need to communicate our goals to others to request their help. We should also write our objectives on paper. It has often been said that a goal not written is a wish. We should review these written goals frequently. We should understand and recall the reasons we are pursuing change. Such reasons will provide the incentive to get up each time we fall. We must make a pledge to improve our own character. Oscar Arias (as cited in Doh, 2003, p. 54) said, “More than knowledge, leaders need character. Values and ethics are vitally important. The basics of leadership can be taught. What is desperately needed is more responsible leadership – a new ethic to confront the challenges of our day.”
References
Ashkanasy, N. M., & Daus, C. S. (2002). Emotion in the workplace: the new challenge for managers. Academy of Management, 16(1), 76-86.
Doh, J. P. (2003). Can leadership be taught? Perspectives from management educators. Academy of Management, 2(1), 54-67.
McIntosh, G. L., & Rima, S. D. (1997). Overcoming the dark side of leadership. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books.