Overcoming Introvert Identity Crisis

When I turned 40 someone gave me a card, it was an ahh! moment type of card. The message was:

?“Growing old is natural, growing up is optional”?

I interpreted the card to mean that “I had to take control of my personal and professional growth and I did. I stepped up to the plate to define who I am and want to be.?

Many wonder, why introversion, why I always talk about it and why is it the niche I am focused on.

?The simple answer is “I am an introvert and life as an introvert has always been challenging for me and I have had to learn to thrive as myself unapologetically”.

People expect certain things that I cannot tolerate for too long but did tolerate and "people-please" for years. Now it is all about choosing to be different and accepting that not everyone will like that.

Focusing on introversion is not just about niching for me but purpose and passion.?

Ok! It’s not a short or simple answer :-), but again I am not always great at giving short and simple answers, I love to tell stories.?

I have learned to embrace all of who I am. This wasn’t always the case.?

At 33 years of age, coaching helped me realise that I hated myself. I walked around with a mask hiding the real me. It was then I started to learn to peel back the layers.

As time went on, layers kept coming off. All of this April I have been refreshing that process by leaning into my keyword for the month which is FREEDOM.?

It is natural to go through an identity crisis. The concept of identity crisis was originally proposed by psychologist Erik Erikson as:

?A period of intense exploration and questioning of one's self-identity, values, and beliefs.?

Identity crisis can arise from various factors, such as societal pressure, major life transitions, conflicting expectations, or a lack of self-awareness. It often occurs during significant life stages, such as adolescence, young adulthood, or times of major personal or professional change.

Common symptoms of identity crisis, include: feelings of confusion, self-doubt, anxiety, and a sense of being lost or disconnected from one's true self. These feelings can be exacerbated for introverts who may struggle to assert their identity in a world that often values extroverted traits.

You can treat these seasons of life purely as a crisis and crumble or you can see it as a time for rebellion (like teenagers do) or revolution which is the more adult thing to do. Both rebellion and revolution come into play when it comes to working out how to be yourself.?

There is a theory that as we age, most of us (regardless of being introverted or extroverted) become even more introverted.

When getting older, you are meant to be getting wiser which is growing up, and hence why most people tend to become more introspective and slow down to live better.

This tends to amplify the struggles or challenges you face as an introvert. If you haven’t already handled them well, mid-life can be a mammoth crisis to overcome, however, it is not impossible to reinvent yourself and thrive.?

If you treat identity crisis as a revolution,?you know it is finally time to unlock your true potential powerfully and start to live free and be empowered by who you are and what you have to offer in the world.?

When you go through an identity crisis or struggle with how you show up as an introvert, here are some great tips to find freedom and some extra listening or watching materials I have recorded on my Quietly Confident Podcast:?

Embrace Your Nature: True potential can only be unlocked when you accept and work with your innate traits rather than against them. Increase your self-awareness by recognising your strengths and weaknesses, and accepting yourself fully, including your introverted tendencies, without feeling the need to conform to societal expectations. The more you embrace your true nature, the freer you feel to express your viewpoint of the world.?

Remember to define yourself by who you are and what you already have, not who you are not and what you don’t have. We all sometimes wish we were someone else or better than we are.

But becoming who you are meant to be starts by appreciating who you are.?

Listen to Episode 13:? Introverts versus Extroverts Why it Matters and How to Use It - YouTube ? Apple

Be Authentic and Find Balance: Authenticity is a great buzzword that a lot of people use these days, however, it’s easy to smell fakeness, to see people around in social settings who only have an agenda to create an image online that is well rehearsed and presents a certain persona to suit their purpose..?

It is not easy to be authentic because of fear of judgment and the desire to be liked. For Introverts to be authentic takes courage, it involves self-acceptance and self-love, and most importantly at the core of it all is integrity.?Like I always say

keep things real?

You may not be liked by everyone when you are authentic, but you will be liked by those that matter. You have to target those you want to like and those that you like.

Yes, you read right. Targeting is a key way to achieve your full potential. Be authentic and put yourself in front of or in the minds of the people you want to see, hear, and acknowledge you. This could be physical or online.

It is about relationship building.? In all relationships, there has to be an initiation of contact, and a drive to create and maintain a mutually beneficial relationship. This is what targeting means in my world.

Introverts value deep, meaningful, quality over quantity relationships.?

To keep your introverted brain sweet and happy,? explore strategies to find balance in social situations. This could include: setting boundaries, scheduling alone time for recharging, and finding activities that align with your interests and energy levels.?

To gain further insights Listen or Watch Episode 1 of Quietly Confident Introvert - Authenticity and Vulnerability on YouTube Apple

Build Your Quiet Confidence:? When I talk about quiet confidence, it is not keeping quiet, it is quietly developing strategies that make you look and act confident.?

It is less about faking it, but more about making it. Success will speak for you, when you keep building confidence and getting results?

There are three things to consider about confidence:

1. Where confidence comes from: It is from environment, experiences, and action. If you grow up in a “can-do environment”, the likelihood is you will feel confident and go after things that look difficult or impossible despite fear.? If you grew up in a “can’t do environment”, fear is paralysing and you overthink your actions.?

Many see people who are out there loud and proud as confident people. They may or may not feel confident, but what is important is that they are seen as confident because they choose to take action to get out there and in the face of people. Confidence is built through action.

2. What confidence feels like: I always tell clients that confidence means - “confide in yourself that you can and you will do what you want and need to do”.

Do you have to feel confident before you act confident or act confident then you feel confident? My answer is to work on both. Ask yourself what it will take to feel confident, what are the gaps in your knowledge and experiences that are making you lack confidence? Go ahead and deal with it.?

Then also remember that taking action will give you proof of competence and build your confidence. If you put on a less-than-perfect performance or fail, it may knock your confidence back, but remember that consistency will be competency, so rinse and repeat.

3. Leadership Skills Build Confidence: I have always said that “leadership skills don’t discriminate and it is accessible to all who would seek to acquire it”.? Knowing how to influence is vital and once you know how to do that, you can lean into it to enhance your natural strengths and then discover the style of leadership that suits you best. To kick start the process of developing your leadership skills why not take my Executive Presence Quiz HERE

Learn more about this point by Listening or Watching Episode 4 - Confidence Boost For Introverts: How To Harness The Power of One? YouTube ? Apple

4. Seek The Right Support: Building a strong support network can provide encouragement and validation during times of self-doubt.

As a coach, I have my coach, as a leadership trainer and speaker, I attend leadership training and invest in full programmes of learning.?

Support is not for weak people. It is about maintaining where you are as well as getting you elevated to where you want to go.

Although introverts like their own company a lot, there is a space and time when you need support to thrive. This support can be 1-2-1 or it can be community based. Both have their place and serve different purposes figure out what works best for you.?

I provide effective 1-2-1 support for Introverted Women 40+ who feel unfulfilled and doubt their self-worth. If you struggle with an identity crisis and need support to harness your strengths, build quite confidence, and fulfill your long-held ambitions, book a no-obligation laser-focused Clarity Coaching Call

I hope that you have found this useful and will utilise the information to keep unlocking your potential and solidifying your identity as an introvert who is capable and poised to make a difference in the world.?

Whenever you feel like you are experiencing an identity crisis,? turn it into a time for further rebellion and revolution, a new you awaits on the other side of it all.?I am rooting for your success.

Don’t forget to subscribe, like, share, or connect with me, I look forward to it. x