Overcoming Influencers

Last week we introduced the concept of the Influencer. These people project their visions of success on you, which can overwhelm your views of success. This influence can have a tremendous impact on how you perceive what success means to you.

You may be thinking, “How the heck can I overcome Influencers if I never even noticed how they have been influencing me?” In other words, if your concept of success has been projected on you, what can you do to clear away the projection to uncover your definition of success? In the last article, I said self-reflection was how to gain clarity. To be more specific, guided self-reflection is the most effective way I’ve discovered to uncover what success means to you.

Self-reflection and finding definitions may seem like a lot of work. Why should you go through the effort? When you subconsciously know your definition of success but follow your Influencers’ concepts of success, you can have an internal conflict that will affect your performance and state of mind. This internal conflict can have a material impact on your well being, including:

Self-Esteem – You know you are working hard and achieving goals, but you just don’t feel successful. This feeling can lead to believing you are inadequate or unworthy of success.

Health – The stress caused by the internal conflict can lead you to destructive behaviors like overeating, drinking, or smoking. It can also cause insomnia and anxiety.

Relationships – If the conflict is severe enough, you can project the conflict on your relationships, which can cause family stress and isolation from friends and coworkers.

When I experienced those consequences to my internal conflicts, I used three exercises in my guided self-reflection to find my definition of success and overcome my influencers.

First - “20 Goal Exercise” – In this exercise, I listed out 20 goals that I wanted to accomplish. I included goals that I was on track to complete through goals I thought were crazy or too big for me. I then ranked those goals by how much satisfaction I would get from achieving them. (One of the crazy goals was to write a book. Now, I’ve written two and am working on my third) Once that was completed, I looked for patterns. Those patterns can show you what success means to you.

Second - “Influencers” – This exercise helps you identify the people who are influencing you and how strong their influence is. By knowing who is influencing you, how they are influencing you, and how strong their influence is, you can take precautions so you can guard yourself against that influence. That does not mean you need to avoid the Influencers. If your parents are nervous about you starting your own business, you may want to avoid discussing the new business in front of them.

Third – “Consequences” – This reflection can be painful. You are looking at how the Influencers have impacted your success and how they will continue to impact your success if you let them. Sometimes seeing what we can achieve is not enough. We need to see the negative side to motivate us to act. This exercise will provide that feedback.

You can overcome your Influencers. It takes time and some effort. If you would like some guidance with your self-reflections, I am offering complimentary worksheets that will assist you. DM me if you would like them, and I will send them to you.

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