Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

"I'll be found out and lose my job."

"They'll see through me."

"I'm a failure."

"I'm not good enough."

"I don't know enough."

Do any of these thoughts or similar ever go through your head? Do you feel like you're wearing a mask? If so, you're likely suffering from #ImposterSyndrome. The Wikipedia definition of Imposter Syndrome says it "is a psychological pattern in which one doubts one's accomplishments and has a persistent internalised fear of being exposed as a "fraud."" Despite there being evidence of your achievements, you feel you are a complete phony who got where you are purely thanks to luck or good timing. You believe you are inadequate and incompetent. You are just waiting to be found out. Doesn't sound like much fun, does it?

It's not as unusual as you might think either. 70% of people report having experienced Imposter Syndrome at some point in their careers (I know I have). It is very common in high achievers and despite what many think, affects both men and women in pretty equal measures. There are many tell tale signs - if you're wondering if you may have it, consider these questions:

Do you tend to feel unhappy in your job?

Do you experience fear of failure?

Are you afraid to ask for a promotion or for extra responsibility?

Do you think you should stay where you are because you don't believe you can do better?

Do you fear judgement?

Do you feel undeserving of your accomplishments?

Do you believe you faked your way to success?

Are you a people pleaser?

Are you afraid to speak up in meetings for fear you will be seen as unknowledgeable?

Are you afraid to share your thoughts and ideas for fear of making a mistake?

Do you burn yourself out taking on too many projects either because you can't say no or you don't delegate, and you're afraid things won't be done right if you do?

Do you feel you might be fired at any minute?

Do you constantly take on more courses, thinking you need to be more knowledgeable?

Are your family and personal life taking a hit because of your professional life?

Do you procrastinate, often leaving the important things while you waste time doing unnecessary tasks?

Not very nice, is it? It's also not very kind to yourself to go around saying you're a failure and you don't deserve to be where you are. It can be quite debilitating and many might not even realise they have it. I didn't realise it for a long time. Constantly feeling inadequate can negatively affect your sleep, stress levels and relationships. These thoughts and feelings are completely disruptive and doing you no favours at all.

There are ways to overcome this though, you don't have to stay in this crippling place forever. It will take some hard work on your part in order to challenge your limiting beliefs and change some behaviours. But you can do it. There are several types of imposter, and recognising which one you are might help you deal with her (or him) better when you're coming from a more informed place. .

Type 1 - The Perfectionist

If this is you, you set extremely high goals and not reaching them fills you with self-doubt. You worry about measuring up and you may be a control freak. After all, if you want something done right, you should do it yourself. You micro manage, lack trust and have difficulty delegating. This has a negative effect on the growth and success of your direct reports. You are highly critical, especially of yourself. You take criticism as a personal attack rather than look upon it as an opportunity for learning and growth. You ruminate, dwelling on your failures rather than allowing yourself to celebrate your successes. If you don't do something absolutely perfectly it is simply because you are not cut out for the job. Everything must be 100% perfect 100% of the time, making it hard for you to be proud of your achievements. You may also bring this perfectionism home, too, which can have a negative affect on personal relationships. If you are the perfectionist, overwork can lead to burnout and a lack of contentment and yur self-confidence takes a hit.

The Solution - once you identify as this type of imposter, notice when they are creeping in. Recognise it is not the real you. When you make a mistake, accept it and tell yourself it is an opportunity for learning and growth. Out of every mistake comes a lesson. There is no perfect time so give yourself a little nudge to act before you feel you are ready.

Type 2 - The Superwoman/man

Convinced you are a fraud, your insecurities make you push yourself to work harder. You haven't earned your title, even though your degree and professional accomplishments may say otherwise. You may identify as an over-achiever. You're a multitasker and a people pleaser. Criticism is taken personally. A workaholic, you often work late and feel restless and dissatisfied when you are not working, finding it hard to really enjoy life away from work. The Superwoman/man seeks the external validation that comes from working and not from that satisfying feeling of having completed the work itself. This external validation leaves you feeling worthy so you measure your self worth based on your rate of productivity and clear tasks. You therefore find it hard to say no and take on more work. Your lack of boundaries and tendency to overdo it can have a negative effect on your mental health and may harm your relationships and personal life. Downtime is not something you are a fan of. Not working just stresses you out even more and your hobbies and interests take a backseat.

The Solution - once you identify yourself as this type of imposter you can begin to be aware of the validation you are seeking. Move away from external validation and begin to think about the internal validation you can seek. It will also help to do some work at cultivating confidence. This will help you realise and acknowledge how skilled and competent you really are.  

Type 3 - The Natural Genius

This imposter believes they need to be naturally skilled and that they should always get things right on the first attempt. They feel competent when things get done quickly and with ease. Effort or time to master something can fill them with shame and feelings of inadequacy. If this is you, you set impossibly high standards for yourself. Your high expectations mean you judge yourself by your ability to get things right first time. When things are difficult or you don't get them right first time, you might give up or be extremely hard on yourself. Setbacks knock your confidence in a big way. You avoid challenges because doing something you aren't great at fills you with discomfort. Often this imposter was a straight A, gold star student. Are you used to excelling without much effort? Do you dislike the idea of having a mentor because you can do it on your own?

The Solution - It's time to understand that life is a lesson we are constantly learning. We will never know it all and in order to accomplish new things we will have to learn new skills. Learn not to beat yourself up when you don't reach your extremely high standards. Instead, ask yourself what you learned from it and what you can change to improve and do better next time. 

Type 4 - The Soloist

You prefer to go it alone. If you ask for help, people will think you are incompetent. A fraud. Phony. Best to just do it by yourself. After all, needing help will be a sure sign of failure and it makes you feel inadequate. You must accomplish all tasks alone, figure out problems by yourself so your colleagues don't find out you're a fraud. This soloist tendency can see you working more than you should and the lines between work-life balance become blurred. Relationships might suffer along with your wellbeing.

The Solution - Recognise this tendency and challenge yourself to let other people in. Independence and the ability to work alone is a wonderful thing, but when you turn down help to prove you can do it by yourself, you are causing yourself undue workload and negatively impacting your mental health and potentially the health of your team. Teamwork and figuring out problems together creates a wonderful sense of connectedness, community and teamwork. Give it a go. Say "yes" when help is offered and when you are faced with a dilemma, try voicing it to someone else Teamwork makes the dream work!

Type 5 - The Expert

This imposter will judge their competence based on how much they know or can do. You fear being exposed as unknowledgeable or inexperienced because you believe you will never know enough and must know it all. Despite your vast knowledge and skillset, it just never feels good enough. If you don't know an answer, you feel inexperienced. Despite your qualifications you struggle to take action, afraid you don't know enough. This leads you to constantly seek out more training and qualifications, thinking this will bring about success. When job searching, you think you need to have every qualification and requirement on the listing. This can also be a form of procrastination.

The Solution - Learn to let the constant training courses go until you need them. Use your amazing skills now and when the time comes that you need a new skill, (for example if your role and responsibilities change) then go for it. Nobody knows it all, it would do you good realise there is no shame in asking for help or sharing a problem you can't solve. Your feelings that you're a phony might slowly disappear if you offer to mentor some more junior colleagues. This will bring to light all that you do know and give you a confidence boost.

Whichever imposter you are, an important starting point is to simply acknowledge it. When you feel these thoughts and emotions emerge, notice them for what they are. Recognize them and label them. It's your imposter, not your true self. Recognising this for what it is when it appears is an important step in overcoming it. Identifying patterns and bad habits can help you make a start to moving things in the right direction. Keeping a journal can also help. Reflect on the day and whether you noticed the imposter feelings arise and what caused them to arise, if anything. Reframe your thoughts, think about how you can change them to sound a bit more positive, for example, "I don't know anything." say to yourself, "I know a lot and have the capacity to constantly learn more."

With time and some focus on yourself and your inner thoughts and workings you can begin to internalise your accomplishments and challenge your limiting beliefs. You can get organised and make a plan, looking procrastination in the face and performing better. You will become productive and feel more in control. Slowly start to build up your confidence. Learn to showcase your strengths and cultivate some kinder and more helpful patterns of thinking. Create some healthy boundaries and pay some deserving attention to you and your personal relationships. Take note of your achievements and be proud of them. You deserve to be where you are and they provide a little bit of proof. Finally, learn to let go of perfect, because you are not perfect, no one is. But you can choose to be perfectly imperfect.

Working with a coach can help you identify the habits that are holding you back and the behaviours that require attention and change. They will also steer you to notice and celebrate your accomplishments. Also, if there are areas you would like to develop and improve upon, your coach will support you to progress here, too. To find out more about how I can coach you through your imposter syndrome, contact me through my website. Leave a comment below if you know which type of imposter you are or share how you overcame your imposter.

It's time to be your authentic self. Because she (or he) is amazing!