Overcoming the #imposter feeling

In this newest article, I gather 4 different perspectives (including my own) on the topic of the imposter ‘syndrome’, where my fellow coach’s, mentors and entrepreneurs share their own experiences of what that feels like and what guidance they can offer to possibly help you overcome your own feelings of being an imposter. This is #selfdevelopment through #selfawareness.

Arthi S Rabikrisson, MBA, PCC (ICF) : Founder and MD - Prerna Advisory, South Africa

Is there really such a thing as imposter syndrome?

Many people doubt the idea that there is imposter syndrome. After all, it is not a medical condition. Yet it is a mental health and wellbeing phenomenon that if left unchecked, can lead to further debilitating consequences. The result can be a sustained deterioration in one’s mental health that requires medical intervention.

As a coach my aim is to stem that feeling of not belonging, of not deserving, of being less than everyone and everything else in that particular context my clients find themselves in. We partner to minimise reaching ‘rock bottom’ by reframing, through a neuroscience-based understanding and future focusing on the possibilities.

Personally, I too battle my own saboteurs daily (yes there are more than 1!). Saboteurs or those? inner voices are meant to protect me and give me pause for reflection. Instead they can overwhelm and derail my momentum. Thus each day, my goal is to reduce their volume to a whisper, so that I can create success and unlock more of the unknown without fear hindering me. It takes effort and consistent unlearning and relearning to get this right.?

You may find the following ideas useful to try and overcome the imposter feeling that may wash over you in the moment you are experiencing it:

• Take a few deep breaths, diaphragm breathing. It calms the central nervous system and clears the mind for more rational thinking to occur. The more oxygen you take in, the better your brain functions in that moment.
• Recall a powerful, happy memory, one that instantly washes those emotions of joy whenever you think about it. Our brain associates memories with emotions that upon recall, makes us feel it in the present. Positive neurotransmitters will help release the tension.
• If time permits, call on a friend or mentor for support, whose encouragement and positive energy will re-assert how awesome you truly are. It’s always better to give vent to the building imposter feeling and use evidence (in the form of your supportive friend or mentor) to ensure it does not overwhelm.?

Consistency of these new habits will help reduce and eventually overcome the imposter feeling. Make that conscious choice to do so, as it will likely significantly and positively impact your attitude and outlook for the future.

Rose Pillay (PhD) : Founder - Panacea Hedging, South Africa

For many sufferers of this dreaded condition, verbalising our thoughts and emotions is unnatural.?

We reside in societies that favour the fearless and frown on insecurities. Hence, the stigma of disclosing anything that’s remotely a sign of weakness makes even the brave to tread cautiously. We’ve heard the advice of how talking about an issue helps with the healing process.

Yet, we navigate life by pretending that we neatly put together…like those pristinely wrapped Christmas gifts in department stores. “Fake it till you make it” as the infamous saying goes. What primitive thinking? It robs us of our authenticity and the pleasure of being vulnerable. Perhaps imposter syndrome has been masked so effectively and presented with such praised facades that we’ve normalised its impact, and bear its wrath in silence. As the conversation expands and deepens, more people are sharing their experiences and practices.

I believe that, gradually, this too shall become a movement to expose and defuse the invasive power of imposter syndrome. Here are some thoughts on how we can influence change in this sphere:

• Participate in the collective conversation. In recent times, there are many platforms that are opening the dialogue on this subject, so we have an opportunity to bring wisdom to this topic.
• Have an authentic voice. If we share our experiences from a space of honesty and vulnerability, with an openness to learn from others, there can be genuine growth and evolution.
• #Bekind. Showing compassion to others (and yourself) is key to circumventing the traps set by the imposter syndrome monster. It also minimises the guilt, shame, disappointment and fear.

Sometimes the greatest comfort is knowing that you are not alone. So consider how you might share your story to help someone else on their journey – and inadvertently also cause your own healing.?

Jay (Jalal) Moloo : Consultant, United Kingdom

Have you ever felt that you don't belong? Or feel you don’t deserve your accomplishment?

Or feel your friends and colleagues are going to discover that you are a fraud? Guess what you are not alone. This state of mind is often referred to as the Imposter phenomenon or Imposter Syndrome. Research according to the International Journal of Behavioural Science claims that almost 70% of adults experience or will suffer with imposter syndrome at some point in their lives.?

Most everyone who struggles with Imposter Syndrome believes they are not good enough or not worthy of their achievements. Even though there may be enough evidence of success they often feel intellectually incompetent.?Discovering and knowing what triggers this feeling is an important step in managing the syndrome.?

Here are some tips to overcome this Imposter feeling.?

• Managing your own thoughts: Monitoring your own internal dialogue can help to understand where the thought came from and how it is impacting your current state of mind.?
• Share thoughts and feelings with loved ones: Oftentimes talking about your thoughts and feelings with loved ones can provide the perspective and clarity to help you connect with reality to overcome this feeling.
• Engaging with #Coach or #Mentor: It can be helpful to engage with a mentor or a coach to share your moments of doubts and feelings. Mentors with more experience can provide an assurance that what you are feeling is normal. And additionally, knowing others have had similar experiences on their journey can make this imposter feeling less daunting.

Lastly, it is normal to experience a moment of doubt or imposter feeling, the important element is not to let your doubt control you action.

Zelda Hibbert (MBA, EMCC EIA SP, CSPO, CSM) : Founder - Consulting and Coaching 4 Change, South Africa

Lets talk about ANT’s. Not the harmless black kind, but the fiery red kind that has a real “bite” to them, and boy have they bitten me!

In his book “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,”? ?Dr Daniel Amen talks about the “ANTs”? - Automatic Negative Thoughts.? As you may have guessed, automatic thoughts are the kind of negative self-talk that appears immediately, without us even being aware of forming a thought in response to a certain triggers.

These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like “Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me,” or “The client wants to see me?? It must be bad!” or “My employees are whispering, they must be up to something mischievous. “These negative thoughts take our inner critic and amplify them. They're often irrational and negative for our mental well-being.

As an entrepreneur I had to learn to SQUASH the ANT’s in my life.? Here are some of my strategies on how to deal with ANT’s

• Check-in. Several times a day, I take a moment to analyse what I am thinking.? Am I being positive or negative?? If the latter, I try to reframe the situation in more positive terms.? By becoming more self-conscious about my negativity, I have learned to curb it.
• Let go. I had to unlearn the attachment of the negative thoughts. Yes, attachment.? Some of the internal dialog became part of my core beliefs and I had to intentionally rewire my brain in order to change my thinking, and in return my life. Its an ongoing process for me and something I consciously need to work on. Daily.
• Accept Failure. I suggest you willingly embrace challenges and risk possible failure.? Failure, setbacks, and initial confusion are all part of the learning process! When trying? something new, see occasional ‘failures’ as positive learning opportunities—try to enjoy the discovery process along the way. Don’t compare your failure to those who have gone before you and succeeded, but use it as a source of inspiration and motivation.

Obviously the above is much easier in community than alone so I agree with my fellow writers that finding a mentor or community.? One of my all-time favourite quotes is by Henry Ford: “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”? When you notice these thoughts and realise that they are nothing more than ANTs; squash them!

In essence

We hope these ideas can help you feel brave enough to allow those critical, doubtful voices to emerge, to listen with curiosity, and discard what is unnecessary so that you can progress meaningfully and with #confidence. Lose that imposter feeling, for good!