Overcoming the Feeling of Loneliness

It's a strange reality that you can be surrounded by a ton of people and still feel completely alone. This feeling can strike anywhere—individually, in a room full of people, in our marriages, as parents, and in classrooms. In this post, I want to explore how we can bring people closer and overcome this sense of loneliness.

Many of you know I've written two books on bringing the hurting closer—one for parents and one for educators. I'm currently writing one for couples. The epidemic of feeling alone is a serious issue in our world today. When someone feels alone, they often behave in ways they don’t even want to. Behaviour is communication. So, when you see someone lashing out, being judgmental, or withdrawing, it’s often because they feel misunderstood or alone.

My Personal Journey with Loneliness

For me, the feeling of being alone surfaced early in my marriage. Many believe that marriage eliminates loneliness, but you can feel alone even when you’re home with your spouse. Brene Brown once said that not belonging in our homes is the worst kind of hurt, bringing immense shame and isolation.

As my husband and I celebrate 25 years of marriage, I reflect on how far we've come. I no longer feel that profound loneliness, but I vividly remember those early days, even after having children. I often told my husband, "I feel so alone." This frustrated him because he was physically present, yet I felt like I was carrying our family’s burdens alone during the mental health crisis we faced in our family. He was focused on providing for us and didn’t know how to handle the emotional weight I was carrying.

Recognizing and Understanding Loneliness

Empathy is the first step in helping people not feel alone. Recognizing what alone feels like for ourselves allows us to empathize with others. When someone says they feel alone, dismissing their feelings can make them withdraw further. Understanding that loneliness can be felt even in a crowd helps us validate others' experiences instead of gaslighting them by questioning their feelings.

Creating a Culture of Connection

To overcome loneliness, we must create a culture that brings people closer. Whether it’s in our homes, classrooms, or workplaces, intentional culture creation can make a significant difference. This involves establishing a common language, setting values, and creating systems that support these values.

For instance, in a school setting, an educator shared that instead of adding more information, we need to go deeper and create a supportive culture. Teachers often feel alone, managing classrooms with numerous challenges. They need a common language and processes that uplift and support them, creating a sense of community and shared responsibility.

Practical Steps to Combat Loneliness

Identify What You Want to Create: Decide what kind of environment you want in your home, classroom, or workplace. What values do you want to uphold? For example, in my home, I wanted bravery, resilience, and love without walls.

Create Language Around Your Values: Develop phrases and mantras that reflect your desired culture. In my case, phrases like "Peace in my heart means peace in my home" helped me focus on maintaining inner peace to create a peaceful environment.

Establish a Process: Outline steps to bring your values to life. For example, if behavior is communication, approach disruptive behavior with curiosity instead of anger.

Build a Support System: Ensure everyone involved understands and participates in the process. In schools, this might mean training sessions for teachers to create a consistent approach across classrooms. At home, it might mean regular family meetings to reinforce values and address issues collaboratively.

Moving Forward Together

Loneliness is a painful experience, but we can combat it by intentionally creating cultures of connection. By understanding what we want to create, developing language around our values, establishing processes, and building supportive systems, we can help ourselves and others feel less alone.

Whether you’re a parent, educator, or partner, remember that you are a culture creator. Your efforts in creating a supportive and connected environment can make a profound difference in combating loneliness. If you need help or want to share your thoughts, feel free to reach out to me at [email protected] as I'm about to launch an app for parents and teachers. I welcome your feedback in this phase of the journey.

Keep being brave to bring the hurting closer and build a world where no one feels alone.

Summer is the perfect time to nurture our closest relationships. As the world slows down, we find the space and capacity to give our relationships the attention they deserve. This season, we're spending more time with our loved ones than ever—let's make it count. Imagine a summer where your relationships thrive and your home becomes the sanctuary you've always dreamed of. This is what I want to create with you. Over the course of 6 transformative sessions, you can choose to work with me as a couple or individually. I've been married for 25 years, and I'll be honest—only the last 5 years have been good. What changed? Everything I'm about to show you. Now, we're dreaming for our family again, and I want to share our journey with you.

With these 6 coaching sessions, you'll also get: Bringing Yourself Closer, a 45-day audio journey to help you discover inner belonging and establish healthy boundaries, enriching your relationships; Bring Them Closer, engaging online videos to deepen your understanding and connection; Journey PDF Booklet, a comprehensive guide to support your progress; and a 6-Step Home Design Process to learn how to create a relationally thriving home. I have a few more openings for this summer. If you're ready to see your relationships flourish and experience the most connected summer yet, click here to register and let's get started!