I often work with leaders that are in their first formal learning journey on leadership approaches and tools. They may be first-time leaders or more experienced leaders, the common denominator being that is their first time in a structured program. One of the attitudes I see and one topic I receive a lot of questions about is: “how to go about this learning and applying the tools in my team’s life? Should I tell them? Or not?".
- Share with your team that you are in a learning program
- “Warn” them that you may try new approaches in your interactions ??
- Explain the why: learning makes you a better leader, more able to understand them, calibrate to their needs and styles and support their wellbeing and performance
- Explain some tools you are using and rely on them to give you feedback
Although this is my usual advice, I sometimes find that leaders are reluctant in adopting such a transparent approach. And I feel the need to normalize this reaction. Because it is normal to be cautious. Let’s see how leaders get here and how to overcome this reluctance, if you, too, find yourself in this situation.
Immediate (on the spot) causes for the reluctancy:
- I have internal negative perception about my skills as a leader
- I criticize myself or hold myself to very high standards
- I feel like I should have mastered these skills by now (if I have years of experience on the role)
- I feel like showing any vulnerability or need to learn is weakness and my team will either lose trust in me, as a leader, or they may sabotage or attack me
- I’m afraid I won’t be able to apply the methods perfectly from the first trial
Deeper causes for this reluctancy:
- Fear of making mistakes. This is such a common attitude, especially in Romania, where the whole educational system is oriented on hunting and penalizing mistakes. It is so ingrained in our subconscious that we don’t even see it. It is covered by so many explanations and reasoning that is hard to express it out loud.
- I have difficult relationships in my team and I’m not sure I earned my team’s respect and trust. The science shows that are 3 core components for building trust: competence, honesty, and benevolence (more on the topic in a future article). In most cases, leaders feel that their team is suspicious of their technical competency, but leadership competency, as well.
- I haven’t clarified my role (with myself and with the others) and I am uncertain of the boundaries and positioning of my leadership role. This happened to me on my first leadership role. Until my promotion, I was one of the team members, having the same pressures, perspectives, and complaints (yes, I was sometimes the grumpy employee…) as them. And suddenly, I have this new responsibilities and positioning and I could not find my footing in the first months. I was unsure on how to approach my colleagues, I new I was accountable now for my teams results and behaviors. And I felt like an impostor. It took a while until I clarified for myself: what is my role and what I am responsible for and that role is not the same as the person. I had discussion with my colleagues about making this difference: I am the same person, I have this different responsibilities.
So, how to increase comfort level with being vulnerable that you, too, learn and continuously evolve?
1. If you are in a tense situation inside your team or you just don’t feel comfortable to start in your team, find peers or colleagues you feel safe with and experiment with them. The key aspects here are:
- They need to support and encourage your progress. On the first iterations, when learning something new, the focus needs to be on the progress and appreciating the effort. Not on the results.
- Their improvement feedback should be brief and focused on most important aspects of the skill or tool you are practicing. The purpose is to progress, not to overwhelm you.
- They need to be able to keep the confidentiality, if you ask them. You need to feel safe in this environment.
2. You may start with one or two members in your team, the more mature ones, that understand the level of effort performance needs.
- Explain your process and the methods you intend to use and why you think these tools can be beneficial for you both
- Ask if they are willing to support you. Usually this is a big win for them: it shows you trust them – on a human level and on a professional level. This is, in itself, a development process for them, as well.
3. In order to find the courage to experiment, even fail, but to progress openly in front of your team, you need to find the value in doing this and the healthy boundaries for you.
- I walk the talk – I don’t just ask them to incorporate feedback and grow, I am myself a living example
- They connect better with us (as leaders) if we are not perfect, but workable. People hate “perfect” people. Because they feel "less then". Or because they can smell BS ??
- The process is for your mutual benefit. You learn in order to be a better leader, in order to support them better.
- They are learning at the same time as you. This is a gain for the entire team.
- You build a common language and understanding. You can better express needs, concerns, options, and solutions this way.
- You build a safe environment for them to learn, as well. They can come to you and ask for support or guidance, being psychologically safe.
- You build a team culture based on authenticity and continuous development.
4. Ask for feedback from your team, digest and internalize what is actionable, show them your progress and celebrate how you worked together for this result.
5. Define or clarify your role – take into account the following aspect: results and performance (expected from you, but what you take accountability for, as well), qualitative expectations from your performance and attitudes and behaviors you need to exhibit.
This is a list of possible approaches. You may find that some suit you better than others. My suggestion? Explore and experiment with the ones that feel closer to you, to your needs and situation. But start building a safe environment for learning, exploration, and growth. You will bring so much value to those around you and you’ll build your self-confidence in a deep and healthy way. I’m rooting for authenticity and real leaders!?
