Overcoming a Fear of Judgment

To watch the extended YouTube version of this article, click here.

To listen to the audio version, click here.

The last couple of weeks have been such an interesting experiment for me.

As you're no doubt aware, I relaunched my YouTube channel six weeks ago and also started uploading reels each day to Instagram, which you can watch here.

But what you probably don't know is that I've been procrastinating over doing that for at least two years!

Why? I think one of the main reasons is FEAR OF JUDGMENT. Without fully realising it, I'd been asking myself a range of unempowering questions:

• What will people think?
• Will they think my videos are rubbish?
• Will they think I look too old?
• Will they hate my accent or the way I deliver my content?
• What if people hate my videos and leave lots of nasty comments?

... The list goes on.

My First Troll!

Over the last two weeks, I’ve been releasing a new mini-series on Narcissism in the Workplace. You can watch this series over on YouTube if you haven’t already seen it.

One day, as I was merrily going about my business, when what I'd been dreading actually happened. I got an alert from YouTube about a few nasty comments left under two of my narcissist/bullying videos.

The irony, however, is not lost on me. Bullies left comments on videos about bullying!

The Reframe

To do a perfect positive reframe on what I'm sure they were hoping would hurt me: not only did these people add validation to what I've been saying throughout the series, but they have also given me additional content!

As I said in practically all of my bullying and narcissism content, people build themselves up by putting others down. It’s further led me to think about how unhappy you must be with yourself to attempt to hurt another deliberately. As I’ve mentioned in the series, bullying is driven by:

• Jealousy and envy
• High levels of shame
• Low self-esteem/low self-worth
• Not having the skills, ability, experience, time, energy, enthusiasm or general wherewithal to do the thing that they are criticising
• Projection, i.e. seeing something in the other person that we don’t like in ourselves and attacking it in a misguided attempt to feel better

As my social media presence expands, which it undoubtedly will because I’m doing everything I can to make that happen, I’m sure the trolling will only worsen. Apparently, it’s to be expected. So watch this space for more content when it does!

Fear of Judgement

My point in sharing this with you is that THERE WILL ALWAYS BE PEOPLE WHO JUDGE YOU. In addition:

There will always be people who don’t like you and you know what? That’s OK because you don’t like everyone either!

One thing that’s helped me this last couple of weeks, as I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that putting yourself out there equals people wanting to attack, is to get very clear on my answers to the following questions:

1. What is my WHY for doing this?
2. Is what I’m doing or trying to do for the greater good? (i.e. not just to boost my ego)
3. Will I be helping others in the process?
4. Is there a potential that I might hurt others or myself?

Incidentally, in case you were wondering, my WHY in this time-consuming and sometimes exhausting content creation process is my drive to pass on what I’ve learned.

I hope I can help others not to have to suffer and search for answers to their problems in the way I’ve had to. I see so much suffering daily that I want to have the most positive impact possible.

Do I sometimes get it wrong and make mistakes? Of course, I do! I’m human, after all. But as long as I’m trying, I’m still doing 100% more than those who aren’t – that makes me able to sleep at night.

The Exercise

In the extended YouTube version of this article, I explain a quick 3-step process for overcoming a fear of judgement. It helps you get out of your head and into action.

So, if you've been procrastinating and holding yourself back from:

• Launching your project
• Speaking to your boss about that pay rise
• Having that difficult conversation you’ve been putting off
• Searching for that new job
• Leaving that problematic person or situation
• Starting that ‘new you’ programme
• Taking care of your physical and mental health
• Going on that holiday, you’ve always dreamed of on your own
• Starting dating again
• Stopping drinking/binge eating/social media scrolling? (These are all symptoms of being the ‘freeze’ aspect of your fight, flight, freeze stress response – more on that coming up in my next article/video)
• Taking control of your finances
• Strengthening your relationships?
• Being more confident

Whatever your goal is, head over to YouTube to discover my quick three-step process to help get you started.

The Wrap Up

I don’t know what compelled me to write this article – It certainly wasn’t my intention when I sat down at my laptop this morning (Sunday)! It just flowed out. My guess is that someone needs to see this today. I'm a huge believer that everything happens for a reason.

So, if you’ve been waiting for a sign to start something new or to get back on track with your goals… THIS IS IT!

Feel the FEAR and do it ANYWAY!

What Next?

Coming up this week, I’m changing the topic from bullying to a new mini-series on stress, anxiety, and overwhelm - what it is, why it happens and what you can do about it. I’ve discussed these topics in previous articles, but they never go away. ?

I spend most of my coaching sessions working with people suffering from these things; some are in survival mode (which I will have an entire episode on), and others are hurtling towards burnout.

It Takes 15 Hours Minimum For Each New Video!

I’d also like to take this opportunity to ask you a favour. I have nearly 3,000 of you receiving this LinkedIn newsletter every week. If you could please head over to my YouTube channel, watch some of my videos, click the like and subscribe buttons, and hit the notification bell, I can’t tell you how much that would mean to me.

It’s such a simple thing, but it makes a massive difference. At the moment, only 6% of viewers are subscribers!

To put things into perspective, it takes a minimum of 15 hours to do just one video, from script and recording to editing, writing the blurb and uploading. Much of which I do at weekends. So, by subscribing, you really will be helping support me and the channel.

Finally, if there's any content you'd like to see me cover in upcoming videos or articles, please comment below, DM or email me at [email protected].

As always, thanks for your continued support.