Overcoming Failure: How to Reframe Mistakes and Thrive
Mistakes can feel overwhelming, especially when they threaten something you've worked tirelessly to build.
For me, one of the most pivotal mistakes in my career occurred when I had to step away from my own startup that I poured my heart, my time, and my savings into.
It wasn’t due to failure in the business itself but something much deeper—neglecting my mental health.
In this 100th LinkedIn article, I want to share my personal story and the insights I’ve gained along the way, offering practical strategies on how you can move from shame to solution mode.
Whether you're a seasoned leader or just starting your journey, learning how to grow from your mistakes can unlock new levels of resilience and success.
A Personal Reflection: My Own Journey of Shame and Recovery
1 July 2021. The date is etched in my mind because it marked a turning point in my career. After three years of building a social enterprise from the ground up, I walked away from it, not because the business was failing—quite the opposite.
My startup was taking off, with 5 national contracts worth seven figures in annual revenue and we were seeing the kind of growth that entrepreneurs dream about. But behind the scenes, I was crumbling.
For three intense years, I poured everything I had into the startup. Long hours, sleepless nights, and constant pressure became the norm. It wasn’t until I started experiencing panic attacks, insomnia, and severe fatigue that I realised the extent to which I had neglected my mental health.
By the time I recognised it, it felt too late.
The shame of "failing" myself crept in, and the negative self-talk started spiraling.
I couldn’t believe that after all this hard work, I had to step away just as the company was about to soar. The guilt was all-consuming.
Thoughts like, "You’re weak," and "You couldn’t even handle the success you wanted," plagued my mind.
The self-blame was relentless. I questioned my competence as a leader, wondering how I could lead others when I couldn’t even take care of myself.
I remember sitting in my office on that fateful day in July, staring blankly at my computer screen, knowing I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had to choose my mental health over my business. It felt like betrayal—to my team, to myself, and to the mission we had worked so hard to build.
The weeks that followed were tough. The shame was paralysing.
I kept replaying all the ways I thought I had failed, and the negative self-talk was constant. “You’re not cut out for this,” “You wasted three years,” and “Everyone’s going to see you as a failure,” became the soundtrack of my life.
But as time passed, I realised something: this wasn’t just a mistake. It was a wake-up call.
My decision to step away wasn’t the end—it was the beginning of a new phase of growth and self-awareness. And the more I reflected, the more I understood that the shame I was feeling wasn’t a sign of failure—it was a signal that something needed to change.
Getting Back Up: How I Shifted from Shame to Solution Mode
The recovery didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow and intentional process of rebuilding my mental and emotional health, and it started with one crucial decision: I had to move from shame mode to solution mode. Here’s how I did it, and how you can do the same:
1. Acknowledge the Shame
The first step to overcoming shame is to acknowledge it. Pretending it isn’t there only gives it more power. I had to face the fact that I felt embarrassed, guilty, and ashamed for stepping away from something I had invested so much in.
I remember confiding in a close friend, saying, "I feel like I’ve let everyone down." He responded, "You didn’t let anyone down. You took care of yourself, and that’s something to be proud of." Those words helped me start to see things differently.
2. Separate Identity from Actions
One of the hardest parts of moving past shame was separating my identity from my actions. For a long time, I saw myself as a failure because I couldn’t keep going. But I had to learn that my worth wasn’t tied to my ability to push through at any cost.
I made a decision based on what I needed at the time, and that decision didn’t define my entire career or future potential. It took time, but I started to understand that one setback didn’t negate everything I had achieved.
3. Reframe the Narrative
Reframing the narrative was a critical step. Instead of seeing my departure as a failure, I began to view it as an opportunity for growth. I asked myself, "What can I learn from this experience?"
It wasn’t about avoiding mistakes but about embracing them as part of my journey. The moment I started viewing my setback as a learning opportunity, the shame started to lose its grip on me.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
I also had to learn to be kind to myself, which, if you’ve ever struggled with self-blame, you know isn’t easy. I often thought, “You should’ve known better,” or “Why couldn’t you handle it?”
But self-compassion became a tool for healing. I began to shift my internal dialogue from one of blame to one of understanding. “You did the best you could with the resources and knowledge you had at the time,” became a mantra that helped me move forward.
5. Focus on Solutions, Not Problems
Once I had started to process the shame and self-blame, I knew I had to take action. Moving into solution mode meant looking at the future and figuring out how I could use this experience to rebuild and grow.
I focused on what I could do differently in the future to avoid falling into the same trap. How could I better manage my mental health while pursuing my goals? What systems could I put in place to ensure I didn't burn out again?
This period of reflection and growth led me to one of the most important lessons I’ve learned: self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. It became clear that taking care of my mental health was just as important as hitting business targets.
This shift in mindset allowed me to rebuild my confidence and eventually return to get back on my feet with a renewed sense of purpose.
The Power of Reflection: How Writing Helped Me Heal
An unexpected part of my recovery process was writing. After stepping away from my startup, I started contributing regularly to LinkedIn .
At first, it was just a way to stay connected with my network, but it quickly became something more. Writing allowed me to process my thoughts and feelings in a way that was both therapeutic and productive.
This article marks my 100th piece on LinkedIn, and reflecting on these past articles, I see how writing has played a critical role in my healing and growth. It has allowed me to document my journey, not just for myself but for others who might be going through similar struggles.
By sharing my story, I’ve not only learned from my mistakes but also connected with others who have faced their own setbacks. This connection has been a source of strength, reminding me that none of us are alone in our struggles.
Reflect and Document
As part of the recovery process, I cannot overstate the importance of reflection. Writing my experiences down, whether in a journal or an article, has helped me make sense of what happened and extract valuable lessons.
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One of the strategies I recommend is keeping a "Lessons Learned" journal. After each setback or mistake, document what happened, how it made you feel, and, most importantly, what you learned from it.
Over time, this practice will help you develop greater self-awareness and resilience.
Practical Strategies for Learning From Your Mistakes
Let’s dive into some practical, hands-on strategies that can help you move from shame to solutions. These tools are designed to guide you in understanding, reflecting, and ultimately learning from your mistakes. Think of these as ingredients in your personal recipe for resilience.
1. Conduct a “Post-Mortem” Review
Much like reviewing a failed project, conducting a "post-mortem" on your mistakes is essential for understanding what went wrong and why. Start by asking yourself these questions:
Take this review one step further by turning it into a written report. Writing down the process helps you organise your thoughts and makes it easier to spot patterns that could be improved.
Pro tip: Try using a free template on project management platforms like Trello or Notion to document your post-mortem review. Use the WLC framework to guide your writing: Win (what were the wins), Learn (what were the learnings), Change (what will you change from now on).
2. The 5 Whys Technique
When things go wrong, it’s important to drill down to the root cause, and one effective method is the "5 Whys." This problem-solving technique asks you to keep asking "Why?" until you uncover the underlying issue.
For example:
In this scenario, the root cause isn’t just about working too much or failing to take breaks. You’ve uncovered that you are living according to others' perceptions and expectations, rather than your own needs and reality. Addressing this requires more than just taking breaks—it means redefining success on your own terms. It involves challenging external pressures, setting healthy boundaries, and recognising that self-worth isn’t tied solely to how productive you are in the eyes of others.
By understanding this deeper issue, you can take steps to align your actions with your personal values and needs, ensuring that your sense of success is internally driven rather than dictated by external expectations.
Pro tip: Use this technique when reflecting on mistakes to uncover the true reasons behind your actions. You can do this manually in a journal or use tools like Miro to map out the 5 Whys in a flowchart format.
3. SWOT Analysis for Self-Reflection
Apply a SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) analysis to your personal development. Yup it's not just a tool to analyse competitors. This tool can help you objectively evaluate what contributed to the mistake and how you can use it to grow.
Pro tip: There are free SWOT templates online, or you can easily create one in Excel or Google Sheets to track your progress. Make this a regular practice, revisiting it after key projects or events.
4. Feedback Circles
One of the hardest things to do after a mistake is to ask for feedback. However, gathering input from those who were affected by the mistake (whether directly or indirectly) can provide insights that you might not have considered. Surround yourself with a “feedback circle” — people you trust to give constructive criticism and help you learn from your experiences.
Pro tip: Set up a feedback form through Google Forms or SurveyMonkey and encourage those involved in the project or situation to share their perspectives anonymously if needed. Alternatively, create a culture of open dialogue with your team, where you regularly meet for informal feedback sessions.
5. Journaling for Self-Reflection
Writing about your mistakes is one of the most powerful ways to process them. Keeping a journal of your experiences, what went wrong, how you felt, and what you learned can be incredibly therapeutic. I keep a personal journal (Google Doc), a closed network journal (Facebook), and a public journal (LinkedIn).
In my case, writing LinkedIn articles regularly became a form of self-reflection that I share with the public. This article, my 100th, is a testament to how writing about my journey has helped me move forward. Each piece allowed me to reflect on past experiences, document lessons learned, and share those insights with others.
Pro tip: Create a "Lessons Learned" journal in a physical notebook or use a digital platform like Google Docs or Evernote. Document each mistake and reflect on it. Over time, you’ll notice patterns in your behaviour and decision-making that you can work to improve.
6. Create an Action Plan
It’s not enough to just reflect on what went wrong—you need a plan to make sure it doesn’t happen again. For every mistake, create a concrete action plan outlining how you’ll apply the lessons learned. This could involve building new habits, learning new skills, or adjusting your workflow.
Pro tip: Set SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) goals for how you’ll address the mistake and track progress in tools like Asana or Monday.com. This turns insights into tangible, actionable steps for improvement. However, if you're suffering from severe burnout, allow a longer time buffer for your targets to give yourself enough time to refill your cup.
7. Leverage Mindfulness Techniques
Stress and pressure often cloud our judgment, which can lead to mistakes. Practising mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and actions, making it easier to catch potential mistakes before they happen. This has become my daily ritual and I practise this with positive intentions and heartful of gratitude every morning before I I connect with the rest of the world.
Pro tip: Use mindfulness apps like Headspace or Calm to develop daily meditation practices. These tools help you stay present, reduce stress, and improve focus.
Final Thoughts
Cookie Crumbs Can Lead to Growth
Just like in the kitchen, where broken cookie crumbs can still add flavour and texture to a dessert, our mistakes can become the very ingredients we need to improve and grow.
In fact, those crumbs — the mistakes, failures, and setbacks — can provide essential insights that lead to greater success if we’re willing to learn from them.
By embracing mistakes, reflecting on them, and using practical tools like feedback circles, SWOT analyses, and journaling, you can turn those crumbs of failure into a foundation for long-term growth and resilience.
Remember, it’s not about how perfect the cookie is; it’s about how you use every broken piece to create something better.
#Leadership #PersonalGrowth #ProfessionalDevelopment #Resilience #LearningFromMistakes #GrowthMindset #BusinessStrategy #Entrepreneurship #MentalHealth #SelfImprovement #Vulnerability
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Eric Chuah is a seasoned social entrepreneur with over a decade of experience in driving impactful ventures. He regularly shares insights on LinkedIn, offering practical strategies for social enterprise and personal growth. As an advisor, Eric helps businesses use technology to create meaningful social change, with a focus on human-centric solutions. Based in Ipoh, Malaysia, he is passionate about exploring the intersection of innovation and social good.