Overcoming a Conflict Mindset
Defiance. Blaming. Demands. Aggression.
These are certainly not behaviors we like to encounter very often…at work, at home, anywhere. When they do show up, in others and ourselves, they have a tendency to create negative consequences. In the moment, these actions can feel justified or even necessary, but their long-term impacts often get us further from our goal. In particular, they move us away from positive relational behaviors like cooperation and collaboration.
What is typically behind behaviors like these are feelings of frustration and anger, often fueled by a deeper belief that there is not an option for all parties to achieve success, or that there is only one possible path to a shared goal. These thoughts limit us and also wear us down over time, letting our faith in people, possibilities, and ourselves wane.
Perhaps this is not something you experience very often, which is great! Consider though…what impact does it have on you, and others, when you are in this type of mindset of conflict?
…And how can you shift your mindset in a way that can actually improve your relationships and your ability to succeed?
- The tried-and-true skill of Self-Awareness is an effective tool in overcoming a Conflict Mindset. Be aware of when you’re feeling frustrated, angry, or resentful. Are there common triggers or situations that bring about these emotions? How do you behave when you feel this way? Paying attention to where and how conflict mindset shows up for us can be the first step to reframing and resetting in a more positive way.
- Last week’s article on Feeling Stuck discussed the strategy of Challenging Your Beliefs in shifting your mindset. This strategy can also be very helpful in moving from conflict thinking to empowered thinking. Are you fearful you will lose out if things don’t go as you planned? Are you feeling that you must come out “on top”? Take a moment to challenge yourself. What if, instead, you recognized that you have the ability to to work things out if things get off track? What if everyone could succeed together?
- Remind yourself to play the “long game”. When you’re in conflict mode, take a breath to refocus and remind yourself that your goals likely extend beyond the immediate situation, to things like building long-term relationships, earning trust and respect, leaving a legacy of leadership. Ask yourself what behaviors and actions will help you in the pursuit of your goals, and which would just be a short-term reaction that may hinder you in the long run.
It is important to recognize when we are in a conflict mindset, to give ourselves space to process how we are feeling and why, and then ultimately to set our actions based on intention. When we learn to move our focus from the perception of conflict to greater possibilities for ourselves and others, we can move forward in ways that have long-term positive impact.
What has worked for you in managing conflict effectively? Feel free to share in the Comments!