Overcome “woe is me” thinking ??

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Do you often feel like bad luck follows you around? ??? You're certainly in good company.??

Let me tell you about Deirdre, a former executive coaching client of mine. Despite being a highly skilled director with countless achievements, she often chose to focus on setbacks—a delayed project, a disagreement, or a critical comment from her boss.

An exasperated sigh followed by the words "Why does this always happen to me?" was so common in our meetings that it seemed like her mantra.

Each week, we would highlight this pattern in her thinking. She eventually recognized that by focusing on her work life's negative aspects, she was in a cycle of "woe is me" thinking. The good news? This realization was a turning point for her.

The "woe is me" mindset can be a real trap, sapping your energy and undermining your confidence and resilience. Studies from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology show that seeing ourselves as perpetual victims can lead to a spiral of negative thoughts, depression, and anxiety, reducing our overall well-being.

It's also difficult to see solutions or take proactive steps toward improvement when we cast ourselves as permanent passengers on the “struggle bus”. ??

Have you ever caught yourself in a similar cycle? Try these transformative techniques to change the channel on this type of thinking.

Quick Confidence Tips to Overcome "Woe is Me" Thinking:

1. Mindset: Ask “What…?” Not “Why…?” Shifting from a woe-is-me mindset to one of empowerment starts with changing your internal dialogue. Instead of asking, "Why does this always happen to me?" reframe the situation by asking, "What can I learn from this experience?" or rather than “Why do I have the worst luck?” ask "What can I do to turn this around?" This subtle shift in questioning moves you from a passive to an active role in your life. It’s about recognizing that while you may not have control over every situation, you do have control over how you respond. Embracing this mindset can significantly enhance your resilience and self-confidence.
2. Embodied: Counteract shallow breathing. Rapid, shallow breathing can be a sign of anxiety and a sense of being overwhelmed by circumstances. This type of breathing limits the amount of oxygen you take in, which as we’ve all experienced, can exacerbate feelings of panic and stress! To counteract this, notice when your breathing is becoming more like panting, and stop what you’re doing to reset your breath. My favorite way to do this is to change my position, for example, if I’m sitting, I’ll stand up - or if I’m standing, I’ll sit down, then I’ll continue my reset by taking in several slow, deep breaths in through the nose, allowing the abdomen to rise as the lungs fill completely. You then exhale slowly through the mouth, and let your abdomen fall. This practice not only helps to calm your nervous system but also signals to your body that you are in control and capable of handling the situation.
3. Interpersonal: Volunteer your time. One effective way to combat “woe is me” thinking is to engage in volunteer work. When you find yourself in this mindset, volunteering can be incredibly corrective. It allows you to step outside your own life, gain perspective, experience empathy, and right-size your own problems. I experienced this firsthand after watching my mom lose her vision. I started volunteering with an organization that helps people with low vision, and it instantly shrunk the size of my own problems. Helping others not only shifts your focus from what’s going wrong in your life to the positive impact you can make in someone else's. For example, instead of feeling overwhelmed by your challenges, you might find gratitude and strength by assisting individuals facing different challenges. Talk about a boost! This act of giving can transform your outlook and foster a more resilient and positive mindset.

Overcoming "woe is me" thinking isn’t about ignoring the challenges you face but about reframing your perspective to empower yourself. Remember, confidence is built one positive thought and action at a time. Next time you find yourself slipping into "woe is me" thinking, take a step back, reassess, and choose to focus on what you can control and improve. You have the power to change your narrative.

I hope these tips help you shift your perspective and build your self-confidence. Until next time, stay strong and keep believing in yourself!

What situation in your life could use a positive reframe to focus on solutions rather than problems? Share your thoughts below!

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