Overcome and avoid depression... or simply fulfilling a greater aim in life.
Depression is a terrible and frustrating situation in which to find oneself.
I'm grateful for having discovered a natural approach to keep its effects at bay.
Being depressed feels like being in a tunnel with NO lights, stuck in mud.
Not only do we feel down and drained of all energy, but the world around us keeps going, full steam, and we just can't keep up with it. Is it our desire not to want to partake? Or do we feel as if nothing compels us to partake? Or, worse, we believe the world just doesn't care for us and never makes room for us to fit in?
Honestly, I make some of my friends cry when I tell them my story. I lost my job, my home, my income, my marriage, and my kids shun me. My parents (who showed some compassion, but not understanding) are dead, my siblings live on another continent and don't care, I have few opportunities to engage with other people, since I don't work, and I haven't been in a relationship for more than 10 years.
Am I asking for this?
I have reason to see the world as hostile. It is definitely true that I deal with a great deal of adversity. For years, decades, everything has pushed me around to change my circumstances, which have now become so unique that I can't think of another person in the world that known circumstances resembling mine.
By many people's standards, if they ONLY judge me going by what happens to me, I'm a loser, a lost cause, irremediably incurable and even pathetic.
My saving grace, however, is that this has been the dominant theme in my circumstances AND choices throughout my life. Because of that, I've developed some sort of immunity, not to my feelings, but to the effects my circumstances could have on me, and which are responsible for guiding my emotions and outlook.
I grew up facing a lot of adversity and challenges, since I was a kid. Nothing of what I believe my circumstances could have brought me, in terms of comfort or normalcy in my life, was ever granted to me. I was born in a large family, yet, by the time I was 8 or 9, my siblings were all gone, since I am much younger than them. I was sent to boarding school as my parents were aging and believed that I needed more structure, stimulation, and supervision. However, there, I was in a hostile environment 24/7 because my native language was different from that of my schoolmates, and I was always picked on. At the age of 16, my parents moved to another country. I lost my sense of attachment to the only environment that I had ever known and the few 'friends' that I had. I also had to study in a different language and try to fit in with a very different culture. Two years earlier, when I was 14, my teachers pleaded with my parents to take me out of school, saying that I was just not meant for studies and would do better in a trade school...
Still, 12 years later, I graduated from my second Master's degree, had begun a PhD in Game Theory (see Movie: A Brilliant Mind), and spoke 4 languages fluently. I taught myself to play the Saxophone and the Piano, did photography, travelled around the world through my work for more than 15 years, met thousands of very interesting people, many with whom I had meaningful interactions. Just about anything captures my attention and I can converse about everything (except fantasy football or reality TV shows--LOL). I am active at sports; I cycle, play tennis, go to the gym, sail, kayak, and played at almost every other sport imaginable. I'm a star gazer, read about politics, science, psychology, philosophy, history, novels. I practice photography, some graphic arts, and I write about all sorts of things: success and happiness, life philosophy, business, novels and movie scripts included. I've been an executive in various companies (some big ones, too), a consultant, I'm available to do more, I have plenty of energy … Okay, you get it, my life seems nothing like the life of a depressed person.
Yet, my story hasn't changed, my circumstances vis-à-vis my kids and siblings are still not desirable ones, and much of what I attempt to do now with my life is often a struggle and my goals and visions remain met with much adversity or rejection...
It's not ideal, but neither is the world... unless we choose to do something about it and that we decide to view: not the world, but the potential of the world; not the burden (and/or misery) of life, but the potential life has to offer; not our constrained and sometimes boring routines, but the potential of what we can do with our day, DESPITE all the circumstances and constraints with which we must live.
The source of my depression (or my saddest feelings, if I may remove the stigma) is that many people don't get me. And this is a common trait that I have noticed among many depressed people. Did I forget to mention that my dad, two sisters and a brother, and at least one of my three sons have suffered from depression? So, there's history, and I have firsthand experience with this. Also, I tend to flock toward people that have a different path, perspective, or seem to be the misfits amidst the crowds... and this could very possibly be the case because I feel like they do.
However, that feeling doesn't trigger the emotions within me that make me depressed, because I have developed, over my lifetime (starting very young), the means to cope with my circumstances; to not let them affect me. This has enabled me to adopt (and adapt) attitudes that are diametrically opposite of the symptoms of depression. Even though, deep inside, the feelings of sorrow remain, I have an incredible energy and optimism that has transformed me into, possibly, the most enthusiastic and bullish person on life that I know.
Much of this ability, to lift myself up, is a direct result of my extreme awareness. Awareness of self, of others, and of differences. With this comes also acceptance. Acceptance of self, others, and differences.
Does all this make me satisfied with how everything is?
No, it doesn't. I'm not pleased with how most people ignore their potential or the potential of the world. They let it go to waste. They tend to not focus on what is important and can bring on greater progress, success and happiness to their lives and the lives of those around them. This breeds a degree of individual discontent, the sum of which, leaves many people in a relative state of societal dysfunction that brings along all the "isms" that you can imagine. The net effect of this is that there are way TOO MANY people who find reasons to be displeased with society and the world. From those collective feelings evolved my passion: to denounce them and fight them back.
Because of the insight I acquired and the process I developed to thrive in otherwise uncooperative environments, I decided one very early morning to do something about it: to share my insight with the world, to teach others about my process, and to bring their potential to light.
I spent years researching, writing, and consulting with others about the questions I had on this subject. I am still actively doing this, today. I wasn't put on this earth to do this. However, because of my circumstances, which I wish upon NO ONE, I had the privilege to make some connections and discover some very important things about life. In other words, I may wish that my life had gone differently, but I have NO REGRETS. I feel privileged and am grateful for it. Yet, now I wish for EVERYONE to know what I have learned, whether it be for others to get up, to rise, or to raise themselves above their current level of performance and joy that they get from life.
Yes, some of us are depressed. We feel shunned, misunderstood, we feel grim or sad about things, we can't find anything that sparks our interest, we can't express how we feel because OTHERS are seeing things so differently than us, we see complication and resistance, despite our loved ones (if we have them) telling us they are there to support us, and that they love us, and NOTHING INSPIRES US.
HERE IS A TRUTH. Most people really feel the same. But for some reason, it's more acute in some of us. For some, their physiological and metabolic processes fail to deliver them with the chemical balance required to be physically and intellectually at their best, and it affects both their energy and their emotions. For others, they are too busy or too burdened to even be able to acknowledge the feelings, let alone be affected by the emotions. But look around you at the people who are supposedly not depressed, and take notice of their level of stress, the chip on their shoulder, their aloofness, their nonchalant attitudes, despondency, their arrogance, their lack of empathy, their anger and p*ssed-off attitudes, their drinking, doing drugs, needing too much caffeine, parties, TV, or sex, or taking meds, etc... and you'll see that there are quite a lot of people that are not fully operating at their best, because of what weighs on them. Only for them, their emotions don't wreak havoc, whereas for depressed people, that's what keeps them trapped.
Certainly, something triggered for me. Let me tell you that, what I currently do, this passion that I have to help people and show them how to live with sadness, frustrations, or lack of positive emotions, overcome them and eventually thrive, well, I've had it since I was very young. It has been there with me my whole life. It's probably what caused me to have a perspective on life that is different from others', in the first place, and THAT is most likely why I've had to deal with so much adversity in my life. I saw or experienced things differently, and others could not relate to what I tried to express or how I felt.
For the most, people go through life just going about each day, minding only those things that are set up for them to do. Some find more appreciation in it than others; but irrespective of that, they rarely stop to ask themselves whether there is more to life. With some exceptions, it’s work-sleep-work-sleep-work-retire-enjoy the grandkids and leave something behind for the kids; try just hard enough to survive and have a few meaningful relationships, friendships and entertainment, and some fond memories of kids' births, weddings, holidays and family vacations and get-togethers. When we view other people's lives proceed this way, we say: that's okay, it's normal or traditional. Nothing exceptional.
So, when you deal with a guy like me, who's fired up about life and wants you to rethink what you do, that wants you to expect more from life, that wants you to do things with greater purpose, that wants you to grow your potential... etc, when you in fact have already settled in your beliefs that you do quite enough and that your life is just fine, then, that person (me) ticks you off, because you don't want to question everything that you came to believe and everything you've ever done with your life. It's never about what happened, though. I don't judge. It is about what can be, going forward. As long as there's life, there's potential, and everything is possible.
We were all born ordinary. But we can choose to lead an extraordinary life.
Yet, that's my life. I'm on that other side, dealing with people's resistance about wanting more for themselves, to aim for higher loftier goals, a greater sense of satisfaction, and pushing you, now, to want to contribute to society and the world more of the value and the wonderful things that you are capable of and can offer. (It’s never that they don't want these things for themselves, or accomplish the loftier goals. They simply do NOT want to do, or motivate themselves to do, what is required to achieve those things. By setting the bar low, the expectations are low and it's easier not to let anyone down, especially themselves.)
On a thanksgiving morning, a number of years back in Miami, two days after my mother died in Belgium, standing in front of TV cameras, with my home in the background, destroyed and cordoned off because a car drove through it at high speed, I had an EPIPHANY:
"I lost many of the things that I amassed and cared for, over the years; my 25-year career for which I had made incredible sacrifice had nothing to show for because the companies I worked for had all gone out of business; I was single; I was unemployed; my kids, of whom I had 50% custody, preferred to stay with their mother because she had more comfortable accommodations and money; I couldn't operate my home consulting business anymore, since the house was off-limits; I had no family; I didn't feel comfortable to call on friends; I had no cash in reserve; and, because of all this (and more), I felt completely isolated and overwhelmed.
YET, I HAVE ONE THING THAT CAN NEVER BE LOST THAT IS: MY ESSENCE."
The events that occurred afterwards, the odd people I stumbled upon shortly thereafter, the conversations that were had, the situations in which I found myself, the new things that were revealed to me... all this, was not coincidental. They were, came, or happened because of my ESSENCE, the person who I am, that allowed these things to occur or come into my life.
Yes, there is some happenstance involved, but only in an incidental manner. Imagine had Steve Job's dad not had a garage out of which young Steve could start a business, or had he not met Steve Wozniak, would Steve have been any less successful in life, or would Apple (the company) never have existed? It's because of Steve Jobs' essence that these things occurred, happened, and were created. It is incidental that it so happened to have occurred in his adoptive father's garage and that he started it with Steve Wozniak. And the same is true for me... and for you!
Shortly after I lost everything, I found everything that I needed to do what I still do today, which is writing about success and happiness, researching how these things occur, how we can promote and increase more of the joy of living, how we can bring good things into our lives, despite our circumstances, despite the mishaps of life, and despite other people rejecting or not understanding us.
Every day I am granted the opportunity to think and write about this, to inspire others with my unique perspectives, to give others hope, to create a new environment where I attract more people that share my beliefs and feel the same way I do, which is potentially everyone, because we all have the same feelings inside, we just react to them differently, due to our circumstances. To some extent, our DNA makeup and ability to produce the optimal chemical balance may affect us in different ways, handicap us to some extent, but we can overcome that in natural ways by increasing our awareness of self and by promoting the proper glands to work in overdrive and secrete what it takes to feel at our best.
We ALWAYS have our ESSENCE, and we are NEVER our CIRCUMSTANCES. We can't abandon our essence, or our hopes to fulfill our dreams, just because our circumstances change. Change is inevitable. What we must do, is to simply go about things another way. It's the ability to SEE this that people suffering from depression lack. Because of this, they also lack stamina and energy, the impetus, or motivation to kick-start their natural process of producing the proper natural chemical balance to see the world not as the chaos that it is, but as a virgin breeding ground where everything is possible.
Depressed people see and feel things differently, and because of their inability to express their feelings and perspectives, they are misunderstood and feel rejected, forcing them to lead uphill battles ALL OF THE TIME.
An X factor is a quality (or combination of qualities), said to be possessed by people who achieve great accomplishments and success. Steve Jobs certainly had it. Elon Musk has it. But does Elon seem like a person that is well understood by others? Yet, at the leading edge of that combination of qualities is ENERGY. This energy is the source of most successful people's accomplishments.
This energy is ALSO what is needed to lift us out of depression. We have to embrace our feelings and simply change our emotions about them. And when we question ourselves as to why our beliefs and feelings are so different from others, then we may also discover the source of what gives our life purpose. Our communities around the world are so rich in interests and diverse, because it ALWAYS leaves room for multiple interpretations about life, needs, achievements, desires, tastes, expressions of love and art, and innovative ways of enjoying new experiences. The more there are points of view, the more there are possibilities, and the more it makes the diversity of it all so interesting and so amazing to watch it unfold. Understanding this inspires us, and it brings back our energy.
We're not at the end of exploring everything. If we feel isolated, because we see the world through a different spectrum, a very unique spectrum, surely, we are not alone, and most definitely others can benefit from it. Our unique perspective was revealed to us because of the environment in which we evolved and because of what we perceived in the world in which we were raised and grew up. It's not a unique phenomenon; it's endemic of society and of the environment to which we reacted. This is our chance to provide our feedback of how we see, experience and feel thing and return this to the world, such that it can benefit and grow, as a result of it. We all have an opportunity to contribute in this, just as long as we don't dwell on our circumstances but, rather, dig into the meaning and the value of our ESSENCE.
I'm sorry if this was a long read, but I don't make excuses for it. I want each person to find a way to relate to what I'm saying. We interpret things differently and I wanted to address various perspectives. Each one of us, either because we are in some kind of depressive state, OR because of how we experience the depression of our loved ones, friends, employees, or patients, must be able to connect the dots (remember Steve Jobs' most famous speech?) and identify the source and symptoms of depression and then understand the mental, emotional, and intellectual changes that need to occur before it becomes possible to interpret feelings in a constructive manner, control our emotions, and kick-start our minds and bodies to enact that which we want to contribute or achieve with our lives.
Yes, some people feel suicidal. This is because they believe that their lives amount to not much, or that they have no relevance or purpose for existing. Change that!!! Each Life has VALUE and your unique perspective is tremendously VALUABLE, regardless of how others react to it, now. They just don't know the value of that perspective, and often this is because you haven't confronted what it is that you feel and haven't found a way to express it and make others understand it, or the significance of it.
It is because of the things that make you sad, that you are in a unique position to change those things for the benefit of the world. And you owe it to yourself to attempt this, because it can become your salvation from depression. You experience a greater emotional reaction triggered by a feeling, about which others are impervious. Yet, the feeling, or the need that must be addressed, exists within others, too. They may not know it, but they need you to help them. What makes you feel as if you are drowning today may be exactly what you need tomorrow to grow. Think of it as of water. Water can drown you. But water also sustains you and helps you grow. Use your feeling the proper way and it will set you free.
To the person asking the question, to the people reading this answer, to the people depressed, to the people concerned about loved ones suffering depression, and to all others who wish to enjoy both greater success and more happiness, I invite you to read up on the significance of our X Factor, which we all have, what it can do for us, yet it often remains dormant within us, until such time that we discover how to activate it.
I wish you all much success and happiness, and a speedy recovery from depression.
We all have an X Factor... Bookmark each day with Success and Happiness!
Your natural treatment of depression, raising your awareness and discovering your true potential, achieving greater optimism, growing your ambition, feeling and living your path to success, and experiencing higher levels of joy, satisfaction, and happiness, are described in the book “Our X Factor” that addresses all your questions and provides you much needed source for inspiration.
A FREE mobile App (which a friend who as inspired by my story and book developed for free) is available for iOS devices [ourxfactor; no spaces] to enjoy greater experiences, more achievements, and for contributing to a better environment and society. That is your remedy.
Take daily. ;)
Thank you for your upvotes and comments. For questions, contact me.
Sincerely,
XV