Outside Your Comfort Zone!

If you would like to listen to the podcast episode on this topic click the appropriate link for your phone at the bottom of the article

Going to the family court to give evidence, is invariably an uncomfortable experience, and that's because it is designed to be so.

The whole idea behind placing you in the witness box is to 'stress test' you - to see how your evidence stands up, when subjected to the strictest of tests i.e. cross-examination.

I have never forgotten being told by a solicitor, just prior to me giving evidence: "I'm going to ask you a few questions, in relation to your evidence and then...I'm going to leave you to the wolves."

Now, that solicitor wasn't trying to unnerve me, and he hadn't said it to be unpleasant, he was simply saying it as it is.

You see, the family court is full of conflict, it's really a place of war. Perhaps you are not used to thinking of it in that way, but that's what it is - it's a place where battles are fought, and legal professionals know this!

As I say in my book, outside on the streets if you're attacked you know how to deal with it. You can call the police, run and hide, or defend yourself.

But in the witness box how do you defend yourself?

There's no one to call and nowhere to hide!

So, seeing things as they are is key to learning how to defend yourself, because those cross-examining you are not going to physically attack you but their verbal onslaughts are every bit as damaging to your self esteem, professional reputation and overall sense of wellbeing, as physical violence can wreak on your body.

In life though, if you think about it you will realise that in many aspects you are already dealing with various types of conflict. It's just that it's become so much a part of daily life, that you have learned to take it for granted.

You don't have to make a special effort to cope, for example, with battling to get to work, because it's not outside of your comfort zone - it's a familiar part of life.

The same however, cannot be said about giving evidence because for practically everybody being cross-examined is outside, and often way outside of their comfort zone.

When stressed and defensive it's difficult to answer questions in a competent and compelling way.

Listening to and being able to answer questions in an articulate and convincing way demands of you the capacity to manage your state of mind and maintain a sense of inner control over your attitude thoughts and feelings.

Giving evidence well and managing cross-examination is a mind game. Essentially you have to develop the capacity to at all times remain in control of your inner world, because when you are in full control of your inner world and value this control you, you will realise that no matter what happens externally, that what's most important is what's going on inside of you.

It's never what happens on the outside that is most important, the determining factor is how you respond, or the meaning you give to it.

Your mind is the most valuable asset you have, so you have to be circumspect concerning what you allow to affect you externally and what you say to yourself internally.

Getting good at being in full control of your emotional and mental state is likely to take some time to develop because we tend to live our life reacting to everything else outside of us.

But there are exercises that can help you develop greater control of your state of mind. Try some deep breathing exercises, close your eyes and see yourself, somewhere that represents a peaceful place, maybe by the ocean.

Or place yourself in a quiet spot at home, turn off the television, put away your mobile out of earshot, sit in a comfortable chair, shut out the world outside and concentrate on feeling calm.

Picture yourself in a beautiful garden, or anywhere that fills you with a sensation of peace and serenity, and get used to spending time there.

Can you give effective good evidence without having to do such exercises?

Sure, but if you practise these type of exercises managing your inner state will become much more familiar to you. It calms your stress levels, makes you more in tune with your feelings and really helps you manage the battle called life.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/incredible-witness/id1679934113

https://open.spotify.com/show/5w3CWjV1CcwdsA7tTiAPV0?si=43d84dcf6c8049ed